in keeping ds1 off of school for a third day unless i can get an appt with head and class teacher?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

This is the same teacher who seems to revel in intimidating ds1. the latest thing is that she has told him she is sending a "Bad report to his secondary school". he is genuinly upset and tbh i cannot be bothered with fighting with him to get him to school iyswim?

She has her favourite pupils and for some reason he is not one of them...she takes every childs word against his and when he tries to explain what has really happened she shouts at him every time "Don't you dare lie to me" and then walks away without listening.

I never really realised the extent to which she was doing this until yesterday when he broke down and told me "Mummy it doesn't matter what I say she never believes me"

So now I am trying to get an appointment with the headteacher and the class teacher and am not sending him into school until I do AIBU?

[Longtalljosie]

Is there another teacher doing the same year? I would demand he move class.

I've read your letter and I think it gives a little too much. By talking about a bad reputation, you are giving this woman an "out".

I would make a list of specific examples, and include them in the letter, including the Sats incident, the "raping" incident, and everything else you can think of.

I would say in the letter...

"I am becoming increasingly concerned with the fear with which my son is viewing school. It is not an exaggeration to say he is frightened of Mrs W. I do not use this term lightly, but it is my sincerely-held belief that he is being bullied, not only by Mrs W, but also by other children, who are aware that blaming my son for trouble is an easy way of diverting blame from themselves, and as Mrs W is of the opinion that my son is a liar, and as a result it makes no difference how he defends himself, or indeed if he is guilty or not.

"I would ask you to consider the following examples

(list)

"Please understand that if my son were guilty of trouble I would have no problem with school discipline, which I believe is important. However, it must also be fair.

"I would refer you for a character reference to Ms xxx, who had my son for 5 days while the rest of the class was on a school trip, and commented on how polite he was.

"I think the only course of action now is for him to be moved immediately to another class. I also require your immediate reassurance that Mrs W's threat that she will send a negative report to his secondary school is unfounded. My son deserves a fresh start at his new school, and his understandable nerves at going to his next school are not being helped by this threat."

[helpYOUiWILL]

hi, no advise but i have read your other threads about the school problems. So hope you get it sorted

[cory]

I too have had experiences of battling with a school and agree with other posters: keep a record, every incident must be logged, be specific when you speak to the head, don't try to interpret (I think mrs X must feel this) but produce carefully recorded (and preferably dated) statements

if I had my time again I would keep a diary

(ours wasn't about bullying as such, but HT trying to get rid of dd to avoid having to meet her medical needs)

[shouldbeironing]

I would focus on the most recent threat - I like the suggestion that you ask for immediate reassurance that the threat that she will send a negative report to his secondary school is unfounded. Ask for this in writing or ask to see what is being sent to his next school and if it is not forthcoming say you will be asking for advice about this as your son has been threatened by this. At the end of the day he is leaving this school so try and focus on what is needed for the future.

Keep any letter or meeting to specifics - I think the letter is too general and probably it isnt advisable to make assertions about other children (as in your 3rd and 5th paragraphs) unless it is specific to an incident.

Can your DH/DP go to a meeting with you at all?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I have finally had a call from the HT, I read her ds1's statement. Her answer was to make an appointment with the class teacher and discuss it with her. I have to wait to hear from her now. I will keep him home tomorrow as well, seems pointless sending him back for one day anyway lol.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

nickschick - what a horrific thing to have happened. Your poor ds (and you as well, what an endurance).

Glad he is ok now and is looking forward to doing his A levels.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

evenstar - fwiw I would request that the HT is there alongside the teacher. Say that you are keeping ds off until the end of term unless she supports your concerns. If you do keep ds off they may well record it as unauthorise absence/get the education welfare officer involved. The HT needs to be there.

[kittywise]

I would also threaten to take things further if the situation is not resolved to the satisfaction of you and your ds

[katiestar]

LES- Nickschick post is food for thought.Justified as you might be at hanging this woman out to dry, THE COST TO YOU AND YOUR BOY MAY JUST NOT BE WORTH IT.
I would advise you to deregister him today and have a lovely few weeks at home before the holidays.

[cory]

themildmanneredjanitor, don't forget that a lot of what counts as naughtiness when you are 11 is what we Mumsnetters would regard as perfectly justifiable venting

using the kind of language you see on here, for a start

I bet the OPs son wasn't even starting conversations about bumsex

[TheLadyEvenstar]

TheMild, Ds1 is 10 (11 end of july).

I suppose it depends on what you call naughtiness...the latest things he has been in trouble for...

redoing the laces on his shoes during a lesson,
re tying his tie during lesson after someone had pulled it from behind
not letting a boy snatch his pencil
defending himself when a girl clawed his arm, (there is pic on profile now).
putting his hand on the radiator when it was cold,
picking his pencil up off the floor and going to resharpen it without permission!!
telling a boy he had raped his mum (turned out to be a lie)
swearing at a boy (another lie pupils backed ds1 up but still not believed)

That is to name a few!
Now most of these the laces, tie, pencil thing are not being naughty as far as i can see but he lost playtime for each incident.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

LOL Cory noooo he had a long and lengthy discussion with one of the lunchtime staff when he was 6 about homosexuals getting married and how he knew it was true but just had not been legally allowed in the uk, however was to be the next year and he was going to a gay wedding......needless to say he got in trouble for that as well lol.

[shouldbeironing]

I think your list of incidents - for which he was punished - you just set out is more powerful than the letter you drafted earlier. If you do end up writing to them you should set these out.

It is appalling but you need now to think what will best serve him for the next 3 weeks and into the next school. You need to get to the bottom of whether her threat to write to his next school has any substance. I have no idea whether it would do or not - do schools write to each other?

[cory]

agree with shouldbeironing

this school sounds like an appalling place

[Longtalljosie]

Shouldbeironing is right... the list is powerful.

[Stigaloid]

Those scratch marks are awful - i'd make a complaint about assault. YANBU to keep him out of school. I'd take the court to court for their lack of due care for my child. They sound appauling. Write to the local media. And this teacher is shameful.

[MrsGokWan]

Any letters you write to the HT make sure you copy in the Chair of Governers and the LEA as well.

[OrmIrian]

Please let us know how you get on evenstar.

[MadameCastafiore]

Go to the school and sit and wait to see the head feck ringing and being nice, requesting to see her/him - your child is being bullied and abused - demand to see her/him.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Just had the teacher on the phone and she has really really pissed me off!!!

She agrees that things need dealing with, denies intimidating ds1, then says to me..

"Well if he thinks I am intimidating he has obviously never been to secondary school and dealt with the teachers there has he"

Errrrr NO he is 10 years old so I don't think so do you?

Then she starts to tell me how disappointed she and the math teacher are in him as they got the sats results back and they had WANTED AND EXPECTED HIM TO GET A LEVEL FIVE BUT HE ONLY GOT A FOUR

AND???? he did the best he could. She then said to me
"No No No No This is not the effect or reaction I wanted or expected"

FFS DID DHE THINK I WOULD TELL HIM OFF SLAG HIM OFF OR STOP FUCKING CARING FOR HIM BECAUSE HE GOT A TOP LEVEL FOUR INSTEAD OF A FUCKING FIVE???

Sorry for swearing and caps am so angry!!!

[edam]

What a cow. Can you get him switched into another class in the same year for these last few weeks?

[OrmIrian]

Oh my! She is a prize one isn't she?

Has the head rung you?

Top level 4 sounds good to me

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Edam, there is only one class per year or i would.

Orm, she expected him to be top of math because he is in science, litracey and reading FFS I am so angry. did she think I would react anyway other than me saying "Well then he did the best of his abilities"