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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that having only me, DP and our children at our wedding is OK?

163 replies

amazinggrace2001 · 13/06/2009 07:39

We got married last week at Gretna Green - we had booked it a few months ago and after a bit of soul searching thought it was better to just tell close family before we went rather than go and do it. We wanted to have just a quiet romantic wedding for just us and kids .the wedding was lovely and just how we wanted it.

My mum however is really upset and says she feels like she has been kicked in the stomach.she cant understand why we would not want to invite her and my DPs mum to the wedding.I have apologised for upsetting her a few times.

i can empathise how she feels but as we are 40ish think it is reasonable that we dont have to include her in everything, it is not like we are 18 and have eloped.

I am her only child and we have always been close although i think too close to the point of smothering rather than mothering. i would just like to create some boundaries around my 'new' family.

having no other siblings to have a moan about her to to see if it is her or I being unreasonable thought i would sound out people on here!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 13/06/2009 07:41

It was her only daughter's wedding. Of course she's upset.

swiftyknickers · 13/06/2009 07:43

as her only child, i can see why she is upset TBH

congratulations though x

Kayzr · 13/06/2009 07:43

I think YABU to moan about her. You are her only child and you didn't want her at your wedding. If I was your mum I would be bloody pissed off and very upset.

piscesmoon · 13/06/2009 07:44

It is probably something that you will understand when your DCs are adults and they think their 'new family' are the only ones who count! I am all for small weddings but mums are special.

merryberry · 13/06/2009 07:46

congratulations! we married with just neighbours and a couple of friends to witness/wrangle the kids. noone seems to have minded. but we're really really not a big wedding family, so it's quite usual.

if that's not usual in your family, iguess she;s expectedly upset, especially as creating new boundaries round your new family is kind of bound to make someone feel a bit rejected. hopefully time will heal for her

HuffwardlyRudge · 13/06/2009 07:48

Congratulations.

Only having your dp and your children at your wedding is fine, and it's your choice. Your mum can't help being upset, so don't be too hard on her, but don';t feel bad either. It's just a wedding.

rubyslippers · 13/06/2009 07:49

i think it would have meant so much for her to be there, so why not?

it's her only daughter's wedding - of course she is upset

age is nothing to do with it

of course you should have the wedding you want, but to exclude parents seems a little off IMO (if there is no good reason)

ssd · 13/06/2009 07:50

this style of post reminds me of 2 other posters the other week, both had names then numbers after their names, I think 1 was rebecca789 another was a name then 123.

both were trolls, I think we may have another.

ssd · 13/06/2009 07:52

yep, just searched her name, this is her first post and its a wind up

Original poster

amazinggrace2001 · 13/06/2009 07:55

Im NOT a troll thanks very much just not very imaginative with my nickname!

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 13/06/2009 07:56

first time poster, launching into AIBU

maybe a bit or brave?

merryberry · 13/06/2009 07:57

why would you bother to troll something so, well, uncontentious? welcome amazingrace

ssd · 13/06/2009 08:00

you are a troll, there's been a few about recently, all posting in your style, with a topic intended to wind people up to get a reaction

God I know my life is boring but the day I resort to trolling here I'll worry

SoupDragon · 13/06/2009 08:05

FGS stop seeing trolls at every corner.

SoupDragon · 13/06/2009 08:06

The only trolls worth getting worked up about are those which are offensive or out to cause harm and/or distress.

Original poster

amazinggrace2001 · 13/06/2009 08:08

eeek! probably bit of both! did not realise this was not ideal not posted for a long time territory!

to explain further- yes some of my family have done similar weddings so not totally unusual.

some of my partners close family do not talk to each other so we thought could not have just invite my mum and dps mum as that would then upset his sister and then his aunt and uncle, who do not talk to each other so that would have made for an atmosphere if they had all come! bit of a difficult situation really.

we are both quite shy and hate being centre of attention or big fuss and did not want family members to start to dictate what wedding was gonna be like ( as can happen at these things!) so thought doing it how we did would be simpler?

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 13/06/2009 08:10

IMO, mums/parents are different from the wider family tho' ...

Ivykaty44 · 13/06/2009 08:14

If my dd went and married and didn't invite me - I would have to accept that she didn't want me at her wedding. I would though shed a few tears for the moments not shared bit my lip and not say to much

stoppinattwo · 13/06/2009 08:14

I agree with soupy....and add

I think an inoffensive troll is not as bad as a potentially offensive troll spotter

Congratulations on your wedding day...gretna is very romantic...and yes i can understand you wanting to just go and get married with just you dp and the kids.......your mother might be upset but it is your day and your choice, and were do you draw the line at pleasing people?

piscesmoon · 13/06/2009 08:16

I think you draw it below mothers!!

hazeyjane · 13/06/2009 08:16

Well dh and i married with no-one else, found our witnesses outside the registry office 5 minutes before the wedding, had champagne by a river afterwards and then went to Pizza Hut!

We had told our close family just before, and although my mum was fantastic at the time, afterwards she did say she was very upset.

I explained to her the various reasons why we wanted to just do it ourselves, and not involve anyone else, and she has said she can understand why we did it the way we did.

Maybe she just needs a bit of time and for you to explain why you wanted it to be just your dp and children at wedding.

skidoodle · 13/06/2009 08:17

well you got what you wanted at the cost if upsetting your mother.

Her upset was predictable, so presumably you didn't care about upsetting her.

Some people are happy for their wedding to be an upsetting and hurtful event. Seems you are one of them.

You got your way, you're not sorry. Why not just tell your mum to piss off?

hazeyjane · 13/06/2009 08:18

BTW forgot to add, I truly hope that if our dd's get married, that I will be happy for them to have the weddings that they want, as long as they are happy.

hazeyjane · 13/06/2009 08:19

Wow - that was unbelievably harsh Skidoodle!

piscesmoon · 13/06/2009 08:21

As her only child I think it is very sad to exclude her. There are other ways of setting boundaries.

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