AIBU to think that having only me, DP and our children at our wedding is OK?

[amazinggrace2001]

We got married last week at Gretna Green - we had booked it a few months ago and after a bit of soul searching thought it was better to just tell close family before we went rather than go and do it. We wanted to have just a quiet romantic wedding for just us and kids .the wedding was lovely and just how we wanted it.

My mum however is really upset and says she feels like she has been kicked in the stomach.she cant understand why we would not want to invite her and my DPs mum to the wedding.I have apologised for upsetting her a few times.

i can empathise how she feels but as we are 40ish think it is reasonable that we dont have to include her in everything, it is not like we are 18 and have eloped.

I am her only child and we have always been close although i think too close to the point of smothering rather than mothering. i would just like to create some boundaries around my 'new' family.

having no other siblings to have a moan about her to to see if it is her or I being unreasonable thought i would sound out people on here!

I still think that any parent-whatever they say, SGM- would be a little hurt not to be asked, even if they wouldn't admit it.
I have a distinct feeling that all those people who are saying that their DCs can do what they like are secretly thinking that it wouldn't happen to them-either that or they have small DCs and don't realise that your fully independent, live away from home, treated as an equal,hunking 22yr old is still your baby!! My elderly FIL was still talking about 'his boys' up until the day he died and positions had reversed somewhat!

skidoodle....in answer to your question...yes, in the end there is nothng one can do about it anyway...all we can do, as parents, try to raise children we hopefully will be able to be proud off....however, life happens, and our Kids may end up doing things we are unable to be proud off...and than we have to cross that bridge, and look closely if we can accept it, or can at least live with it....etc...

but, yes, it is up the person to organise the wedding whichever they see fit....if , as an invited person, you will go or not...well...that is than your own decision...

oh, and skidoodle, I must admit, I still not care much for your tone....

weeeell, I have thought about this and yes I do think I would be fine with not going to ds' wedding if that's what he chose.

I really think it's totally up to a couple, how they choose to marry. If ds wanted to do it utterly privately - fine with me. I don't see that it need reflect on your relationship

It's a big decision, to marry - but the wedding itself can sometimes be the tiniest part of it. I can honestly say that it would not upset me not to go if the couple wanted it with no family or fuss.

I would have done this if it had been what we wanted. I would have expected the parents to have varying degrees of miffedness though. It's still just a wedding and the organising a big day and getting far flung relatives there puts alot of folk off getting married so it's great you had the wedding you wanted. The huffiness will subside.
We nearly did this ourselves as second wedding for both of us.

Congratulatins, But YABU. It was her daughters wedding she should have been their.

I really don't think I will be upset if dd's want to get married without us, as it is what we decided to do, and I know that I din't do it out of any negative feelings about my mum!

Dh's dad was so pleased for us, his nan told us that this was the way she married his grandad (which she had never mentioned before), we also received some amazing presents from friends who didn't even know we were married until afterwards, so I don't think any of them were miffed.

I did know that my mum would be upset, but it was very important to us that it was just dh and I (I really don't get the thing about the witnesses, I din't get married to adhere to all the wedding traditions), which was why i talked to her about it beforehand, and explained why we wanted to do it this way.

I think you are NOT being unreasonable at all. Congratulations.

btw I loathe the consumerist shit that surrounds weddings. The solemnity of the occasion seems to have been almost entirely lost to the stress of the right colour satin ribbons, cupcakes and wedding lists. It's rubbish and we all need to stop it.

Could you perhaps have a drinks party - champagne and canapes perhaps? - for close friends and family and say sorry you didn't invite them to the actual wedding. Sort of thing?

Oh this is ridiculous! You are absolutely NBU.

A wedding/CP is a ceremony formalising the commitment between two people. Not two people and their Mums.

yanbu. it is your decision how you get married. don't let your mum or mumsnet make you feel any more guilty - what's done is done now anyway.

Me and dh went to Kenya by ourselves and got married there. We asked a couple staying in the hotel if they would be our witnesses and had no family/friends with us. Our reasoning was that we would never have been able to save for a wedding in the UK as my family stays in Scotland and dh's family stay in England (as did we at the time - now back in Scotland) - it would have made it very expensive and would have involved lots of travelling for families/friends. We got a video of the wedding and copies went to our parents. They probably were upset at not being a part of the day but they didnt say much about it and seemed to be pleased for us.

Seona1973 - DH and I also got married in Kenya. We went and did it ourself and the hotel provided witnesses. We did have a big blessing and party for family and friends on our return. But we really loved out very private ceremony in Kenya; it was very special.

DH;s mum was upset initially but my parents were very supportive and understadning. Having the party afterwards helped. DH's mum came round pretty quickly too.

It is over now anyway so nothing you can do. Hopefully she will move on and get over her disappointment.