to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

[pinkyporker]

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

Lisianthus (one of my fave flowers, Lizzies!), that's so crap of that young man. He needs his a*se kicking. But I still don't get this 'what if someone refuses my request and I end up feeling crap?' approach. These are the options I'm seeing on this thread:

1. Nobody offers you a seat. You don't ask. You feel crap.

2. Nobody offers you a seat. You pick an individual and ask, with a friendly smile. Most of the time (IME it's all the time) they politely get up and give. Once in a blue moon you might get a knob who refuses. You either feel better (when you're offered a seat), or if you get the knob (back to point 1) you feel crap. Either way, what are you really likely to lose by just asking?

I could never bring myself to the humiliation of wearing a baby on board sticker when I was pg. It just felt wrong to do that and 'expect' people to offer, it's only one step up from tutting IMO. Though I do understand that less confident people might prefer it.

Mrs MH - i don't consider it humliaiting to wear a badge provided solely for the purpose. The story behind the badge was because a 6 month pregnant woman was on the tube and people were not mindful of her or space. One man decided to get off and knocked her so hard in her stomach it caused her to double over in pain. She soon noticed her baby had stopped moving and when scanned the date of her baby dying matched up to the time she was knocked in her stomach. I wear the badge so that people won't knock me and be aware that i am pregnant. I don't wear it as a badge of humiliation.

Stig, that's such an awful story, I had no idea. That poor woman, how terribly sad.

I just don't like the idea of wearing a label like that - and to be honest I have never noticed others wearing them, which either means that most women don't wear them or that the badges don't work (i.e. if they're not visible to people like me, who 'scan' the tube for people needing my seat).

If I had been in your position on the train/tube/whatever next to a woman who was pregnant and quite obviously distressed about not getting a seat, I would have asked one of the selfish nobbers to move for her to sit down.

I had very bad SPD whilst I was PG and had due to reasons I can't be bothered to explain right now I ended up having to work for a few weeks near the end of my pregnany, it was agony but I had to work, I think if someone had not given up a space for me I may have just wholloped(sp?) them (i was also very irrational in late pregnancy)

OP you ABVU

If i were standing too i would have been joining in with her tutting and discussing with her very loudly how selfish some people are.
YABU.

Oh and maybe she was still working because she wanted to start her mat leave as late as poss to make sure she had as much time with her baby as she can.

Gorionne, my reading of the OP is that the woman started tutting and huffing pretty much immediately. She hadn't asked for a seat and been refused, and it sounds like she hadn't waited a moment to see if someone was going to see her and offer a seat - she went straight to the 'tude and rudeness.

And to those who have said it is either the responsibility of those seated to be constantly aware of new passengers who might be in greater need of a seat, and those who say that it is the woman's responsibility to ask, surely the truth is that the responsibility is a shared one.

pp what a peurile post.you are proud of refusing a pg lady a seat

why are you bringing up the fact she works,that is up to her and not a mitigating factor in whether she is offered a seat or not

but i imagoine if you are impervious to a pg woman need for a seat you will be ignoring this post too

YABVVVU!

OF COURSE she should expect a seat! How rude, selfish, inconsiderate and lazy all those people were not to offer her one! And at your comment that if she wants a seat she shouldn't be working!!

YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU!

Poor pregnant woman. What on earth is the matter with people? If you are able bodied and fit then why wouldn't you offer your seat to a pregnant woman? A tiny bit of empathy wouldn't go astray. Am also annoyed at the attitude that pregnant women should not work till late pregnancy. Next you will be demanding that 'date of confinement' be literally enforced. Shame on you and your sexist views.

scottish, I think the OP was also standing,so, she didn't refuse to offer a seat.
However, OP YABU...big time.....you don't know what experiences that woman had? Maybe she had just gotten to the point of being completely fed up....
People seem to have lost all common courtesy/manners and ability to empathy....it seems....it's a sad selfish society we live in....and I think London is possibly one of the worst places for that kind of attitude...(little disclaimer, of course, not all London-residents are ignorant,etc....just, from personal experience, London just seems to be very anti family/anti pg women....etc..)

i mean PP "i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments"

pp has taken the executive decision how very dare a pg lady express consternation that no one offered a seat

dearie me it is a sad inditement that one can see a pg lady and not be compelled to offer a seat

instead to idely wonder why is she still working
what is she complaining about

And she was quite right to bloody tut. Lazy bastards. Can't believe those of you who wouldn't give a pregnant lady a seat if she tutted and got pissed off at not being offered one! Get over yourselves ffs!

And Igglepiggle - speak for yourself!

I hardly ever post on AIBU but this one really pissed me off!

oh right, that is what you meant......yeah, not the most caring attitude, indeed...

How do you know she was working anyway?

Does everyone who uses the tube automatically have to be working???

She might have gone for a scan or to the hospital? she might have to get on the tube because she can't drive or doesn't have a car?

I think there is only one answer to this

OF COURSE she should expect to be given a seat, and yes she should ask for one if not given one.

I commute to work in London on the district line and got offered a seat only occasionally when I was pregnant, so got pretty robust in asking for one. People are dreadful at "noticing" pregnant women, and I really don't buy it.

You've got to take a stand. You'll be saying that it is women's fault that they get pregnant in the first place next.

I do think you should give up your seat and be pleased you could do something for someone else.
But I don't think you can be rude just because you're pregnant. Tutting is very rude and tutters generate stress around them. If you're bold enough to tut, you're bold enough to ask someone nicely for a seat.
I always get offered a seat and have done since I started to show. Sometimes I say no thanking them profusely and nicely because I can't be bothered to sit for a short journey and then fight my way back to the door.

Sorry I haven't read whole thread.
OP, are you playing devil's advocate here, or is this really your attitude?
I couldn't bear to see a heavily pregnant woman (or anyone who clearly had difficulty standing) not being offered a seat. If I found that I (or fellow passengers) were being tutted at, I would be totally ashamed of the lot of us.
It is none of your business why she's on that train. She's on it, she needs a seat, have some basic courtesy and manners and do the right thing.

Hang on, nobody was tutting at her were they? I thought she was the one doing the tutting

Yes pregnant women have the right to a seat on the tube/train/bus/tram etc etc.

The fact she was going to work is of no importance to the OP, it was mentioned purely for inflamatory reasons.

As far as I am concerned she could have been going anywhere she bloody we wanted. She should have been offered a seat regardless, or should pregnant women be kept indoors so as not to impose on the general public.

The fact that the OP would have refused to give her a seat because of her tutting is disgusting. If I were the OP I would be ashamed of myself.

Imagine, a working, pregnant, tutting woman. Take her outside and give her 50 lashes damn selfish cow

I fainted twice in the tube when I was 5 and 6 months pregnant. I have low blood pressure and standing for more than 5 minutes makes me dizzy in a matter of minutes.
The tube staff helped and gave me a badge to wear so that people would not fuss when I asked for a seat. I always do it now. Politely of course. I think it's disgusting that people don't offer pregnant women their seats.

'If you're bold enough to tut, you're bold enough to ask someone nicely for a seat. '

Exactly-it isn't a point of having someone giving her a seat or not, it is very rude to tut and discuss it in the express purpose of getting them to hear. It would be much better to be direct and ask for a seat. It is quite easy to do politely.

pieces...I rechon that woman may just had had it...especially if she was 38 weeks pg, as Op said ...
tbh...still pondering how anyone 38 weeks pregnant could go unnoticed in the pregnant stakes....lol