to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

[pinkyporker]

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

But what if you're not bold enough to tut or to ask?

Well I know the answer to that but worth seeing what others views are.

People should offer a seat. Not every pregnant woman, especially at that stage feels empowered enough to ask for a seat. I remember vividly bursting into tears on a not so crowded tube where, yet again, nobody offered me a seat, because I felt completely humiliated. A very kind lady (also standing) offered to ask on my behalf. Help the pregnant lady, you will make her day and feel pretty good yourself.

YABVU of course. It's not about being a bit knackered its about safety.

When I was preg with DS1 I was on the tram and the driver annoucned he was doing two emergency stops.

On the first one I was standing and too embarrassed to ask for a seat. i was flung across the tram (along with most others) even though we were holding on and ready for it.

I immediately told a lad that I wanted his seat as I was preg and he jumped up. Since that day i always asked for a seat.

(mind i was offered a seat twice when I wasnt pregnant, took it as I was too embarrassed to say I wasnt preggers )

I do definitely and unreservedly think she should have been offered a seat but I don't think pregnancy is a get out of jail free card that excuses rudeness. Also, I think the OP said this lady did not give anyone a chance to see her and respond to her plight before cranking up the tuts.

I was once mortified when an old lady upbraided me for not giving her my seat when I honestly had my nose so far in my book i hadn't seen her. I didn't dare sit down for a week and I did also think, despite the fact she was quite right and I should have done, that she was a bit of a cow insensitive for putting it like that.

Never ever igglepiggle, I was taught from about 8/9 years old that adults were to sit before I did, and if anyone else needed the seat then I was up.

The only time I have sat when someone else may have needed the seat was when I was heavily pregnant myself and when I had my leg in a brace.

I cannot believe it is even a question.

"I do definitely and unreservedly think she should have been offered a seat but I don't think pregnancy is a get out of jail free card that excuses rudeness. Also, I think the OP said this lady did not give anyone a chance to see her and respond to her plight before cranking up the tuts.

I was once mortified when an old lady upbraided me for not giving her my seat when I honestly had my nose so far in my book i hadn't seen her. I didn't dare sit down for a week and I did also think, despite the fact she was quite right and I should have done, that she was a bit of a cow insensitive for putting it like that."

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this way, makipuppy - I've said several times that according to the OP, the lady didn't give anyone a chance to offer her a seat, and became rude at once. And yes, one can be so engrossed in a book/paper/work, or simply so zoned out through boredom or tiredness that one becomes unaware of one's surroundings.

Had the lady waited a moment or two, someone might have noticed, and offered a seat. If they didn't I still think she could have asked politely if someone would stand up for her before getting irate.

At 38 weeks I think you are well within your rights to properly tell people off if your hormones are telling you to. I used to shout at people who got anywhere near my bump in a potential shove situation. I found being pregnant was a bit like a truth serum so all my "polite" ways went out the window and my thoughts came forth freely! ................ps its not her choice no one wants to work at 38 weeks!!!

In case no-one has mentioned it yet (I haven't read the whole thread) some train companies allow you to travel in the first class carriage (if there is one) when you are pregnant. It really helped me out when I had to commute into London everyday up until a couple of weeks before the birth. 'My' train company, First Capital Connect, issued me with a letter to permit first class travel, you have to send in a maternity certificate or similar.

When there wasn't a first class carriage, what worked really well for me - every time in fact- was to make it really obvious through body language that I was desperately looking for a seat and eventually I would be offered one.

Asking out loud on the train I wouldn't recommend, once was enough for me, as when I asked I was instantly insulted by the person I had asked, and burst into tears.

Asking out loud on the bus and tube did work fine though.

its indicative of the general decline in manners of people these days, EVEN to be posting such an obvious question. Were you born in a field? Of COURSE you should give a pregnant lady a seat you ignoramus. read what the sign says about reserved seating next time you're on a tube. Just before you knock the ol lady with the cane out of your way so you can complete your journey 30 seconds faster. Pratt.

Completley agree should be offered seat. I always was offered seat when was communting and pregnant. BUT was also offered seat when was not PG just very overweight. Was highly embarrassed!

Is it just me or did the OP only claim the pg lady instantly started tutting after she had been flamed???

BabyBossa - I think the OP was saying that the lady was being unreasonable for getting rude and tutting without giving anyone in the carriage a moment or two to see she was there and needed a seat. And the nasty personal comment (about knocking old ladies out of the way) seems a bit unneccessary too.

but babybossa I thought the thread was about whether you can be rude, not whether you should give up your seat (of course you should). Surely that is the decline in manners!

Ruth I've had a very easy pregnancy (so far) and haven't even been tired, so I'm quite prepared to admit I haven't been pushed into a sense of humour failure. But I would be a bit disappointed in myself if I was rude before giving human kindness, which I still believe in, a chance.

I came through an airport yesterday and had to take my boots off to clear security. I was then guided (around the nasty bleeping gate) to a chair whereupon the lady put my boots back on for me! I have experienced nothing but kindness and consideration and exemplary manners so I can't believe this is being used to bemoan falling standards etc., it's such a cop out. Attitude is important and this lady had a stinky one. People should at least be allowed to feel good about giving up their seat, not like they've been told off.

I commute 45 minute by train each day with first capitol connect and I am SOOOOO grateful that they give free first class upgrades to pregnant women because I travel at peak times, you know how it is when you are sandwiched between peoples underarms and crotches...and I seriously doubt anyone would offer me a seat. It is is dog eat dog world out there in commuter land, sad but true, and I am so glad that i am not relying on the kindess of strangers.

It is a tricky one though...in some ways I don't think we have the right to expect people to give up their seats though of course it is lovely when they do, and I am one of those shy people who would never ask so I am glad I am not in that position every day.

Yes, Babybossa, your tone might even be said to be indicative of the general decline in modern manners, methinks...

Sorry MakiPuppy, I hope that wasn't an implication that young people don't have manners, I am 22 and have more manners than many more 'mature' folk I run into, it is about upbringing, not about age!

The OP clearly states that the pregnant lady started huffing and puffing BECAUSE she had not been offered a seat. Thus it is clear that she did not start immediately, indeed it would seem pretty bizarre if she had.

My understanding was that the tutting started pretty much as soon as the lady got on the train, talbot. That's the basis on which I've been commenting. If she'd got on, waited and clearly been ignored, asked for a seat and still been ignored - well, a sense of humour failure at that point would be pretty understandable.

Oh MsSpent - I didn't mean that at all! I don't think there has been a decline in manners, just the usual mixed bag of humanity

Oh, ok, sorry, I get a bit fed up of the whole 'young un's have no manners' (usually said by old ladies waiting to trip people up with their walking stick for daring to walk near them)

But thats a whole different thread

actually makipuppy, the OP ask , in
her final senstence:
"hShould pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?"

1/ Why she is still working at 38 weeks is none of our business. She deserves no pity though - she's just an idiot for not daring to ask for a seat.

2/ Last year I was taking the tube up to my 37th week, and I would still put myself into people's shoes when communiting. I've been there: Going off in your thoughts/book/work/snooze in order for this horrible tube journey to go more quickly. So yes, sometimes you don't notice, even if you would jump up to leave your seat if you had.
I did occasionally huff and puff internally while seeing that the city banker sitting below my enormous belly was still not noticing that something quite considerable was obstructing him view, but I was always absolutely shameless, and asked for a seat, with a smile, if I felt it was getting a bit tough. And people were always terribly polite and appologetic. But maybe that's just on the Northern line...

I don't think YABU. I commute every single day on the tube and did so until I was 39 weeks pregnant too. Tutting and huffing is so passive aggressive, asking for a seat directly and politely and addressing the whole carriage shouldn't exactly be a huge problem for most people.

Also, I am often working on the tube so have my head in a pad or am concentrating on writing emails, if I noticed a pregnant woman I would give up my seat in an instant but I think it is unreasonable to expect everyone to pay attention all of the time just in case someone pregnant gets on the tube.

If she asked and was ignored then yes, I agree, that is totally out of order. In my experience however most people are very quick to offer and when I pointed out I was pregnant people practically fell over themselves to apologise and offer me a seat.

Well babybossa is right.

It's appalling the amount of people who have come on here and said "well of course no-one should have stood up for her, she sounds like a right bitch".

It is people like you lot who made my commute a living hell every single day for month upon godawful month.

Sorry fairlady you're right, I suppose I did rather rewrite history there..