to think the pregnant woman on the train tutting at not being offered a seat was Being unreasonable?

[pinkyporker]

I will probably get jumped on here but having been a commuting pregnant lady on 3 occasions I am well aware of the discomfort standing on tube journeys can do.

However it really riled me the other day when a pregnant lady huffed and puffed and made loud comments on the train because she had not been offered a seat. Now I was standing but had I been sitting i wouldn't of offered a seat to her after her comments.

If she was 38 weeks pregnant as she so loudly claimed, then surely to is her career choice to work so late into pregnancy and she should consider the journey when making this decision.

Personally if I was that desperate and I have been I would just politely ask someone if they minded giving up their seat but I dont just expect it. There are many people who have problems standing where it is not obvious.

There was also a woman on my local paper complaining of the same.

Just wondered what other people thought. Should pregnant women expect a seat on public transport?

have to agree with stigaloid, why is your friend exempt from offering a helping hand if her bag was being carried for her?

I think that she should have been offered a seat and I would have done so-however the tutting would irritate me-I can't stand people playing the victim either. If she was unhappy it is much better to be straight and ask someone for their seat rather than make comments that are intended to be overheard.
I think it is equally rude and would probably stay put!

Spam, that awful! And still nobody did anything! Where in the country was this, I am truly shocked - I didn't think things were that bad even in Britain.

I get your point about the vulnerable having to become more shouty, and that's probably why I have such a strong moral sense about looking out for vulnerable people myself. At the same time, having been extremely shy in the past (though you wouldn't know it now ) I have been on both sides of the assertiveness fence and so I know how much better life is for the assertive, and how much better one can feel about oneself. This is not an exhortation to the self-centred gits in our society that they should carry on as they please; but rather an encouragement that the vulnerable do not have to become their victims.

Dollius - . My brilliant alter ego would have said to that bstard 'If you move your fat ase off my chair, I'll move my bag out of your girlfriend's face.'

Stigaloid - note business partner not friend as you are absolutely right!! She thought it was funny until I almost fainted then burst into tears!!

what a b*h! I'd have lobbed the suitcase at her as she teetered down the stairs.

Spam: "So asking won't do much good really, will it." - actually, yes it will. Whenever I asked for a seat (whilst carrying DS in a sling), I got one. Every time, without fail. So I have kicked myself a million times for not asking while pregnant, and I won't make that mistake again.

ah right.

All in all, glad I don't live in London! Out here in the west country, any passing farmer would give a pg lady a lift on their tractor

If she had to tut, it means that NOBODY had given her a seat in the first place though! so you would have had to have stayed put for her to tut! {appologise for truely awful sentence!)

hmmm i wrote 'female dog' with * but it seems to have shortened to something else all together.

Here's a dilemma for you then (true story) - a few weeks earlier in pg (during very very hot summer) on a train from London Paddington - air con broken in all carriages, wanted to throw up, faint, cry, collapse etc., had a seat reservation but an old man with military medals took my seat! What would you have done? (Can't wait for the replies!)

I worked up until 37 weeks and travelled the central line everyday. Agree with other posters that it's just common courtesy to offer a seat to a pregnant woman however, if I wasn't offered a seat, I would ask the person in the 'priority seat' to offer their seat. Was never refused.

If we are a decent society then a pregnant woman should always be offered a seat if there is someone more able seated. I don't think it matters where she is going or why.

I offered a seat on the bus to a pregnant woman today, though she didn't want it in the end (she was very polite about it but she would have had to put her child on her knee and said it was easier to stand). I saw someone else offer a seat to another pregnant woman too, but she said no as the lady offering was about seventy! Someone else then got up, as they looked up from their paper and saw her.

Like today's person with the paper, I certainly have looked up a good few stations or stops down the line and realised I HAVEN'T offered a seat to someone pregnant, as I do get quite engrossed in my books....

So a polite request IS always best I think.

That said, I never dared ask when I was pregnant. I got this strange paranoia that people would hear my funny accent and tell me and my baby to eff off and go home. I did mostly get offered a seat though.

LJHooray - if i had paid for that seat i would have said to him that it had been paid and reserved because you are heavily pregnant and in need of sitting, but would then have asked the person next to me if they could vacate for a war veteran or pregnant lady. Both of you should have been allowed to sit down but if you had the foresight to realise that you would need a reserved seat and paid for the service, you should be obliged to take it.

Oh Stigaloid, wish you'd been on the train to assist me! You are absolutely right but my ability to manage the situation was impaired through overheating and low blood sugar, so I just wobbled back and forth for the 90 mins journey, occasionally hiding behind a book to weep!

LJhooray - poor you. What did you do? I'd have explained to another passenger that I was preg (perhaps sticking out my belly a bit to prove it) and feeling faint, then asked politely if I could have their seat until I felt better.

x-posts!

I wonder if there's a generalisable difference in response depending on whether one asks a:

1. young man (under 35)
2. young woman (ditto)
3. not-so-young woman/ man

Thoughts, anyone?

hmm interesting one MrsMerryHenry - not sure I've noticed although obviously I would suggest that the prettier and more tightly clothed your companion, the less likely it is someone will offer you a seat first

I find that young women tend to give up seats or mothers of young children. I find people in their 50's + (men or women) don't bother and men in suts are pretty rubbish too. Builders are great as are tourists or foreigners.

I have had before when one man shouted loudly 'can someone please give this pregnant woman a seat' a suited booted english knob man respond 'well it isnt my fault she's pregnant' Gah!

I stood on the train the other morning, nearly fainting with heat and i suffer from very very low blood pressure in pregnancy and this woman in her 50's just kept tutting at my belly being in her face (i am not far along but far enough for my belly to clearly show) and staring at my 'Baby on Board' badge and returning to her paper. She seemed annoyed my belly was so close to her but i very nearly passed out when the train got to the station and had to sit on board with head between legs for 5 mins to get my breath back.

I am curious - how do you know the woman on the tube was going to work? There are any number of reasons why a 38-week pregnant woman might wish to travel, not least of which is personal freedom!
It's true that the easiest, least stressful way of getting someone to give up their seat is to smile and ask politely. But it took a long time over ten years and four pregnancies) to realise the truth of how few people give any consideration to others or think of giving up their seat... whether they're elderly and infirm, people with young children, pregnant women.

sorry knob was meant to be striked out - can't get the gist of this thing knob

ah better

lol stigaloid!

I am with Spam on this. I was not at all surprised about her story from the Metro, or arolf's story about the avoiding eye contact. I wouldn't ask for a seat either. Apart from not wanting to leave the post I am clinging onto (dodgy balance) to go and do a walkthrough asking people to give me a seat, I wouldn't know whether any person I asked actually DID need that seat. That's why it's best for people to volunteer.

I've also seen (and heard of) people avoiding eye contact, flatly refusing to give up a seat (sometimes with nice little statements like "it was your choice to get pregnant" or "you don't look pregnant, just fat" or simply refusing to answer) I'm just not up to putting myself through that. Feeling rubbish and clinging on to a pole is enough to cope with without adding stuff that is likely to make me feel rubbish enough to cry and furious at myself for losing my dignity and crying as well.

Just last week I was waiting on a DLR platform for 5 minutes with a young man on his 20s who would clearly have noticed I am pregnant. (Was just asked half an hour ago if am am having twins, so am not small!) The train pulls up, with one empty seat. What does he do? He charges past me, shouldering me aside and grabs the seat. I was slightly cheered up by a sympathetic look given to me by a man who was also standing.

London, eh? I usually love it, but it's not fun if you need strangers to show a little consideration. And yes, I then spent the next ten minutes mentally plotting ghastly fates for teh happily seated young man. So I probably looked "huffy". I didn't tut, as if I'd said anything, I might have been tempted to use non PG-rated language.

oooh i do that too lisianthus!

heh! Stigaloid

It's a useful thing to do as when the fantasy starts involving things like electric eels and other Austin Powers-esque scenarios, it lets me know that I really need to move on with my life at that point!