to be upset that ds1 & ds2 invited to SILs wedding but not dd?

[macherie]

Sorry, I know the no children at weddings thing has been done to death, but I'm really upset about this.

I have no siblings, only a few cousins, so family weddings are a VERY rare occurance on my side. Dh has 3 siblings, 2 married years, so SILs wedding has been a big event on the horizon, lots of talk of dresses etc.

I see SIL every day as our DC go to the same school, and she never gave any indication that was intending to do this.

The invitation arrived 2 weeks ago, inviting me, dh, ds1(11) & ds2(9). No mention of dd who is 5. I called dh and we decided it must be a mistake, he said he would talk to her about it, which he did today, and no dd cannot go, they decided no under 6s were allowed.

Of course, it is her wedding and she gets to decide, blah, blah, blah.

DD will be so hurt if we tell her the truth, as will her brothers. What am I to do - get the 4 of us all dressed up and leave her at home with a babysitter?

I am inclined to book us all a holiday for that week just to avoid the hassle.

Sorry am on iPod hope the message makes sense!

No, my family are a mild-mannered peace loving lot who wouldn't dream of carring on like that! If they even thought about it I would have nipped it in the bud.

I suppose I'm being a bit melodramatic about dh. If you met him you'd think he was a great guy, he's freindly, chatty, sociable, everyone thinks he's a great dh and dad. He's not different from most guys in that he leaves me to do the vast bulk of the domestic stuff because I'm 'so good at it' .

But he ALWAYS suits himself, whatever he wants to do, where ever he wants to go, he does it. And I let him get away with it. But it's the little things in a relationship that get to you, wear you down, make you feel more and more disillusioned.

I'm too nice to him really, I've let him away with too much. If you met me you'd never think I was the doormat type, but maybe that's what I've become.

Stayingsunny, I'm going to keep that monkeywrench image with me today

Saintly, that makes perfect sense, rules like that are a good idea, gives you time to think.

Oh dear, I've just read this thread all the way through again.

As someone else said, I am normally on the side of the bride, but this has been a really nasty situation and you have been very reasonable and dignified.

You husband hasn't shown himself in a good light, but I did pick up on what another poster said, he has probably had years of having to put up with his dysfunctional family. You don't necessarily learn to deal with it better just because you get older. I think a serious chat is in order about his priorities, how he treats you and your DC.

Another good point was about letting DH go to family event alone or with DC and there be bitching about you. Long and short of it is you are not going to be able to change MIL/SIL, so you might just have to suck it up and 'keep the peace' for the sake of your DC, but no favours, no babysitting.

You need to ask DH if he thought what SIL did was wrong and unfair? If so, what does he think he should have done about it? Even just a chat to his sister to stick up for your DD would have helped, you aren't asking him to disown his family or anything.