to be angry that my son has lied to me about where he is staying tonight

[lividmum]

Hope you can help me get some perspective on this.

DS1 (14) had a 10pm curfew tonight. He didn't make the curfew so I rang him and he said he was staying at his friend's house. I said I wasn't happy (as he had previously agreed the 10pm curfew) but OK as long as he wasn't still out and about at that time. I asked to speak to his friend's mum to check she was OK with that (we do this often to make sure our DSs are where they say they are) and he then blurted out that he was staying with another friend (a girl). I asked to speak to one of her parents as I don't know the girl and was told by my DS1 that I couldn't as they were out for the evening and not coming back until the morning. Apparantly her parents had told her she could have a couple of friends over but I am assuming they didn't mean half a dozen 13-14 year olds (boys) (I could hear other voices in the background).

Anyway the upshot of this is that he has refused to come home and I don't know where the girl lives so I've had no choice but to leave it at that and hope that they behave themselves.

What would you do? I'm just so cross (a) that he lied about it and (b) that he has refused my request to come home.

Thanks for reading.

If your teens are behaving well you should count your blessings and not make judgements about others. Lots of families have to through a traumatic time, like kiddiz, others just have DCs who are risk takers and like to live on the wild side; there are all sorts of reasons. Sometimes they get it all out of their system when they are young and and are fine later. I know quite a few adults who were very controlled as teens and have made a real mess of their lives as adults.I know another who gave not a moment of concern to his parents and yet committed suicide aged 19yrs-with no warning signs. I don't think that anyone can sit back and say that they are a 'good' parent and their DC would never behave like that.

I think that mothers just beat themselves up wondering 'where they went wrong', and very often they didn't. It can simply be a personality clash. You may find that your DD comes back when she is older and more understanding, Riven. Sometimes when they have their own DCs they can see it from the other side.

Riven - you didn't do anything wrong. We can't provide a totally controlled envoronment - life happens, external factors are beyond our control.

Hopefully, one day, your dd will realise this.

Guilt comes with being a parent.