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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 26/05/2009 12:28

Yanbu.
Afaik it went out of vogue a few years ago and rightly so. SAHM/P/D much better.
That's what you get for watching Saturday night telly.

FabulousBakerGirl · 26/05/2009 12:29

YABU

Eveyone knows that all mums are mums full time. Saying you are a full time mum just makes it clear you don't work outside the home.

TrillianAstra · 26/05/2009 12:30

Maybe she doesn't know the term 'SAHM' and was trying to think of a good way to describe what she does without saying 'housewife'. Extremely unlikely to be intended as a slight or a judgement on other people's parenting.

YAB a bit U, relax.

mylifemykids · 26/05/2009 12:31

I think 'full time mum' is just another way of saying SAHM

I think YAB(a bit)U and sensitive!

lockets · 26/05/2009 12:31

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Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:33

18weeks pg so a bit sensitive, well dh says so anyway.

but i'm a full time mum and a wohm aswell.

OP posts:
Castiel · 26/05/2009 12:33

It's best to assume that people comments are referring solely to their own situation and not an indictment of yours. Otherwise you find yourself on AIBU worrying about a throwaway comment.

ellingwoman · 26/05/2009 12:34

YABU to say that YANBU.

I'm sure if she had known how much it would upset you she would've used the 'correct' term

And yes, some people ARE full-time mums. i.e. Those that parent their child 24/7

RustyBear · 26/05/2009 12:35

Yes, but the only time I described myself as a SAHM, I got 'So you don't work then?' So I started to say "I'm a librarian, but I'm at home with my children at the moment" which was a bit long-winded.

I don't think either is a good description, but at least it's better than 'housewife', which is what my mum refused to be labelled as.

PolkSaladLucie · 26/05/2009 12:36

Wasn't that always the term that was used?

Either that or housewife.

Now it's homemaker or SAHM...which sounds silly to me, but maybe I'm used to the old style.

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:37

elling woman

what are you on about?

every mother is a full time mother regardless. (except for those like baby p's mother)

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 26/05/2009 12:38

Blondie - I totally agree with you. I am a wohm and have felt exactly the same as you about this particular phrase. It's like some people think we go to work and forget about our children for 8 hours...

LaurieFairyCake · 26/05/2009 12:38

I think yabu. I think tasks take up the time you allocate to them. I work as well as look after dd but on the days I work part-time she gets a lot more attention and fun activities.

If you're a full-time mum it just means to me that you allocate more time to kid stuff.

Any task seems to take up all the time you allocate to it

Northernlurker · 26/05/2009 12:39

Blondie - people like elling do actually think of you and I as part time parents!

lockets · 26/05/2009 12:40

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belgo · 26/05/2009 12:42

YANBU. Full time means 8 hours a day, five days a week. I'm a mother 24 hours a day, seven days a week. No annual leave, don't even get many lunch breaks off or even time to go to the loo on my own

ellingwoman · 26/05/2009 12:42

I work full-time so I'm not actually 'mothering' while I'm doing it am I?

Anyway it's hardly worth getting upset about. You knew what she meant.

lljkk · 26/05/2009 12:42

I think this is all way too sensitive for me, lol.
I don't like 'housewife' because it implies lack of ambition or maybe that I'm married to the house.

Anyway, I don't have any child care.
And DH almost never takes the lot of them off my hands.
So I get virtually never get breaks from parenting,
and my time is full of looking after DC.

When/If I had a job, I would be no less of a mother, but I wouldn't be doing it full-time any more.

I would Love a job.

GetOrfMoiLand · 26/05/2009 12:42

Elling - I work full time and still consider myself to be a full time parent as well. One doesn't exclude the other you know. What do you think working mothers do when they go to work, skip into work thinking 'ooh we're single women now'. Absurd comment.

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:43

laurie, i'm shocked at what you just said!!!

you think your dd gets alot more attention and fun activities than mine because you only work part time??

i take it your at work now then?

i am and skiving off because the boss is out, if i was at home with dd i wouldn't be sitting on mumsnet.

OP posts:
Castiel · 26/05/2009 12:43

Yes lockets, exactly, if you're a working mother, do I not work? We can all take offence where there's none to be had.

The thing is people aren't asking 'what kind of parent are you?', they're being polite and interested and asking about your job. Your response is pointing out that you stay at home, not making a parenting comment about others.

FabulousBakerGirl · 26/05/2009 12:45

Calm down blondie! Laurie meant her child gets more attention from her on the days she works parttime!

lockets · 26/05/2009 12:46

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sandcastles · 26/05/2009 12:47

I call myself a full time mum & I stay at home. But this doesn't mean that I feel WOHM or WAHM are anything less than fill time mums!

She was describing what SHE does, not labeling what she thinks everyone else does. I think people are a tad too sensative these days & try to find hidden messages everywhere.

Just be happy with what you do, whatever it is!

Castiel · 26/05/2009 12:47

None of the terms work. Homemaker, does dh not make the home too then? Housewife, am I married to the house? Full time Mum, am I implying something about WOHMs?

Henceforth when asked 'so what do you do then?' by a nosy hv an intersted party I shall say I occupy an existential void and consider my bases well and truly covered.