to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

[blondie80]

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

as for the cleaning/work debate...the days I work there is so much less cleaning to do: two toddlers create so so much mess.

and then there's the tears to stop and the nappies to make and playing to play and the fights to referee and the toys to mend and the clothes to change and the books to read and the playdough to dig out of the dogs ears and.the playgroups to go to and the cuts to clean..oh you know what I mean

before I get a chance to start on any cleaning.

whereas when I work, I come home, and the house is the same crap state I left it that morning but not any worse

Domestic Engineer makes me cringe - sounds as if the woman is trying to be too clever (and failing).

Does anyone like being labelled as anything? Identity is such a personal and sensitive matter, no matter what anyone says about themselves/you it's bound to upset someone. In other words, grab yourselves a big-arse chunk of Chillax and get over it, how much does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I can see blondie's point, inasmuch as even if you work 9-5 you don't cease to be a mother: existentially speaking, once the little bundles of joy are here, that's it, status-wise.

I wouldn't be annoyed at it though, so for the sake of the thread, YABU.

However, I am also under no illusions that once I return to work, I won't be a full-time carer for my DD. The fact that I have to find a nanny to look after her 3 days a week suggests that to me (and my wallet! ).

There's no shame (although there may be anxiety, guilt, worry, etc.) in acknowledging that you cannot be in two places at one time, although you can certainly be a mother at all times.

"Well, for eight hours a day you're not actually being a mum are you? You're at your other job."

Whaaat? That's like saying I'm not a wife while I'm at work. Or not South African unless I'm actually in south Africa watching rugby or something. [cliche, but you take my point].

I don't think being a mum is a job. It's a state of being that sits alongside your other characteristics that aren't jobs - nationality/marital status/hair colour/whatever.

penthesileia, that is my point, no one stops being a mum or becomes a part time mum from 9-5 mon-fri, or whenever they work.

this was not about sahm v wohm, this was that i found it more humourous that someone would actually refer to themselves as a full time mum. my first reaction was - well who isn't a full time mum??

and 'working mum's' know sahm are not sitting around doing 'bugger all' because they have children who they look after too.

i am a ft mum at the mo, bit looking for work.

when i start work, i will be a working mother i will not be a full time mum.
i'm not looking after them while i'm not there am i.

YABU. It's just a job title. When people ask what you do, you usually refer to your job title. When I was working, when dd was little, I said I was a Civil Servant and the conversation led from there. I didn't say I'm a part time mom, part time civil servant. It goes without saying that I'm a mom.

When I gave up paid work, I said I'm on a career break (wanky though that apparently is ) because that was exactly the situation (ie I was due to return to work in 5 years time after a career break from my job).

Now I'm getting ready to give up paid work, and retrain for a different career. How I'll describe myself then, I just don't know.

If I say I don't work, that's not strictly speaking true. I work very hard in different ways. I volunteer, but only for a couple days, so that doesn't sum up my life. I'm happy to take advice, though

"I think 'full time mum' is the more common term. I'd never heard 'SAHM' till I came on mumsnet."

Same here too
That's why I've used 'full time mum'
I don't find 'stay at home mum' rolls off the tongue so well, when actually speaking in RL

ok lockets, so you pick what i should say then.

i'm a full time mother, with a 37 hour working week also.

i work full time and am also a full time mother.

and when i go out in the evenings, i am still a mum having a bit of time off.

if you refer to us as wohm, refer to yourselves as sahm.

Exactly, blondie.

This is a philosophical question! An ontological question!

Seems a bit silly to have to call yourself a fulltime carer to your own children though
Full time mum is fine.

Funnily, I have never heard a man describe himself as a 'full time dad', even if he does the lion's share of child care.

Hi smallegg!!

yabu to be so sensitive over a title someone was giving themselves. Sahm, v ftm, it all amounts to the same thing,you don't do paid work outside of the home, I work part time how do I fit in then? if someone asks what i do I tell them what my job is.I don't need to go into the finer details of what hours are spent where. imo people who are over sensitive with this type of labeling are probably not 100% happy with their own situation.

it really shocks mee to see how many mothers believe that when you're not with you're dc you stop being a mum!!!!

I don't think people really think that, blondie.

But each side of the SAHM/WOHM debate (should people take a side) feels that it has, peversely, to fight for "recognition" from the other. Sad.

Blondie why on earth do you even care what other people call themselves?

YANBU. I hate that term. Grrr.

pent, i know not everyone thinks that, but i was shocked to see (from this thread how many do believe it.)

i am of the belief that all mothers are full time regardless of whether the work or not.