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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:

stickylittlefingers · 26/05/2009 14:37

would we be having the same conversations about fathers? I delegate the post of carer when I hand the girls over to school/ nursery and that the teachers/carers are then in loco parentis. Or when dp looked after the girls at the weekend when I was ill. At none of these times did I stop being a mother, but I do delegate my caring function to allow me to work/vom etc. It's not something to feel guilty about, tho I recognise some women/men are happier than others to make that choice, and some, given the money wouldn't ever delegate. But yes, those who don't delegate have to describe themselves somehow or other and I'd not get het up about "full time mum".

Do let's stop sending each other on guilt trips and getting all over-sensitive. It's not constructive for anyone!

Original poster

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 14:42

lucas, that was in reply to some nut from earlier who thinks that wohm aren't full time mum's because they are away from dc during working hours.

paisley, i know, and again i will say i feel everyone with children is full time mums. perhaps she does a 40 hour week also but feel her main job is motherhood and that having a paid job is just a requirement of that job.

OP posts:

ellingwoman · 26/05/2009 14:44

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 14:45

TBH, I think the problem is that mums who work (myself inc) are always twitchy about anything that suggests that they are giving anything less than mums who SAH.
Some refute it, some deny it, some, like me just accept it.

I want to go back f/t but I'll never try and pretend to myself that my 1yr old is better off in nursery. I know she'd be better off at home with me but I want to go back to work and I think in the long run it won't do lasting damage.

NappyStack · 26/05/2009 14:45

Seriously?? Is this really an issue worth worrying about? As long as you are happy with your role in life does it matter what it is or what other people might refer to it as??

Anyone can call my current work/mum status what they want I really couldn't care less. I'm happy, my DH and DD are happy, surely that is all that matters.

Original poster

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 14:46

small egg, read the post properly please before typing crap.

have never said full time mums don't work.

have said i understand being a mother myself just how hard they work.

so are you saying wohm are still not mum's on days off and holidays??

wise up.

OP posts:

timmette · 26/05/2009 14:48

Oh I am so confused and clearly being a bit thick . But what is the big deal my mum was a teacher and that's what she said she never said and a mum too. When I get a chance to go back to work I will be whatever that job is be it lawyer or nurse and not a full time mum - since most of the day to day childcare will then be done by the school etc - and it won't make me less of a mum.

ellingwoman · 26/05/2009 14:49

Take a chill pill mummio!

Now, I have to go out for a while. Don't let this turn into a free for all until I get back! Ciao!

smallegg · 26/05/2009 14:50

op, would you like some salt and vinegar with your chip

only kidding

FairLadyRantALot · 26/05/2009 14:51

hehe, I would be ashamed to use the term hoursewife, seeing that I am so utter rubbish at housework, rofl...I always used to say I am a SAHM, but now I would say, I am a mum and a student...
to me, being a mum is part of me, but it is great that I finally have achieved once again to be called by my own name, rather than constently being referred to as "so-and-so's-mum"...lol...

TBH OP I htink you are being oversensitive and yabu....

Tamarto · 26/05/2009 14:52

"Have never said full time mums don't work"

The woman on the TV never said you were not a full time mother either, so what exactly was your point?

Original poster

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 14:52

sorry elling, didn't mean in a bad way.

small egg, what are you still doing on the net, shouldn't you be off being a proper mum? i wouldn't be on here if i was at home with dd, i'm only on because the boss is out.

OP posts:

smallegg · 26/05/2009 14:52

chip

Chessiers · 26/05/2009 14:56

Ah, but smallegg, where will you spend your days off and holiday bliss?

Is a SAHM still a full-time mum when her children start school?

flamingobingo · 26/05/2009 14:56

YABU

I am a full time mum. I am not a SAHM because I don't stay at home - I care for my children 24 hours a day ie. full time. It's far more accurate a description of what I do than SAHM is.

I suppose I could say 'I care for my children 24 hours a day' but it takes rather a lot longer!

Don't be so defensive and sensitive!

smallegg · 26/05/2009 14:57

LOL, nap time.
my point is some full time mums can get pissed off with the implication as you wish to put it that they don't work, so perhaps you shouldn't refer to yourself as working mother, as to not offend the fulltime mothers!

alternatively callyourself what you like!

Original poster

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 14:57

tamarto, my point was as written before, was to get an opinion to my own reaction to a comment, as this topic board is called aibu.

i feel that all mothers are 'full time'.

i don't know the woman on the tv, so she was hardly referring to me personally.

OP posts:

FairLadyRantALot · 26/05/2009 14:59

Penthesileia, are an OT, by any chance ?????

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 15:03

The OP does have a chip on her shoulder as do all mums who WOTH. We are very sensitive to any suggestion that we parent any less that mums who SAH. Of course we are, it goes to the core of all our instincts.

We kid ourselves that our babies are happy and receiving socialisation in nursery. Deep down we know that is bollocks but we manage to suspend disbelief because we know they are safe and that their basic needs are being met and we're sure that there will be no lasting damage.

Original poster

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 15:07

flamingo,

i could say exactly the same. yes saying i care 24 hours a day does take longer.

i think you have just proved my point that all mum's regardless of doing paid work or not are full time mum's, thank you.

OP posts:

smallegg · 26/05/2009 15:08

what a refreshing post myredcardigan.

Original poster

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 15:10

red cardi, my 'baby' is 9 and i only miss about 7 hours a week between the end of school and when she gets picked up by either dh or gran.

OP posts:

flamingobingo · 26/05/2009 15:13

The fact is, though, that, even though you are a mum all the time, you aren't actually 'mumming' all the time, and I am.

I don't get why you take offence at it, that's the issue. Maybe you are feeling guilty that you don't do mumming full time, and feel you ought to?

If you were a nurse, you'd describe yourself as a nurse whether you worked part time or full time, wouldn't you? But saying that you work full time wouldn't mean the part time nurses couldn't call themselves nurses, it just clarifies the amount of time you spend actually doing that work.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 26/05/2009 15:17

This is hilarious!

Love it. What a thing to get your knickers in a twist over.

What does it matter what a stranger on a TV show chooses to describe herself as? The meaning is clear. She means that she is currently not in paid employment/doing voluntary work or anything and spends her days looking after her children. Anyone with an ounce of sense would know that that was exactly what she meant. Not that she was taking the opportunity to have a swipe at people who have a different lifestyle to hers.

What's the problem?

Timette makes a fab point too - when doing your job and someone comes up and says "so what's your job" should one yell "I'm a full time mum! Oh yes and a solicitor as well but that's beside the point I'm a full time mum all the time and don't you forget it!" or simply say "I'm one of the solicitors here nice to meet you managing director".

lockets · 26/05/2009 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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