Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 15:22

yes big bella it's hilarious, especially how all the sahm, sorry not currently in paid employment/doing voluntary work or anything and spends her days looking after her children mums are getting so annoyed.

can't they just accept we are all full time mum's.

i will still be a full time mum when i'm 90 have no kids living with me.

OP posts:
smallegg · 26/05/2009 15:26

errrr i think your the only one getting annoyed.

think everyone else is having a bit of a chuckle tbh

anyway you seem hell bent that everyones out to make you feel bad.
so i can't be bothered to waste anymore time on this thread.

addios.

flamingobingo · 26/05/2009 15:27

What do you mean 'can't they just accept we are all full time mum's [sic]?'?

You don't seem to be listening to what anyone's saying.

You said 'AIBU to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'?'. The answer is yes, YABVU and very silly and defensive to be annoyed by it, because all it means is that the person saying it spends all her time in mothering work. Unlike you, who spends some of her time in mothering work, and some in paid work. It explains what I do perfectly. It is your problem if you find it offensive, when it clearly isn't, and you are being unreasonable in being annoyed by it!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 26/05/2009 15:29

But it's just a turn of phrase.

In the scheme of things it's really not offensive.

If you want to get worked up about something what about ther gender pay gap, the problems women have with gender discrimination, the struggle to get back into work after having children, the lack of availability of decent part time roles for both men and women, the fact that our society is based on an old model which often denies mothers the chance to fulfil their ambitions while simultaneously denying fathers precious time with their children?

What this woman said on a quiz show is neither here nor there. Put your energies into something more constructive is my sdvice.

jellybeans · 26/05/2009 15:30

YABU I never minded terms like that when I worked f/t. I sometimes use it but not that often. I don't see it as saying WOHMs or Dads are part time, just that we are with a baby/child f/t.

SerendipitousHarlot · 26/05/2009 15:30

small egg - what exactly do you think WOHM mums do on their holidays?

lockets · 26/05/2009 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

edam · 26/05/2009 15:31

"Full time mum" is a bit of a daft phrase though. I'm always ds's mother, whatever I happen to be doing at any one moment - whether I'm cooking tea, out having a drink with a friend of an evening or (heaven forbid) actually doing paid work to put bread on the table.

My mother worked outside the home - I never felt she was less of a mother than my friend's parents who were what we called housewives. In fact I secretly thought their Mummies were a bit boring - but that's because some aspects of my mother's job were a bit glam. I was too well brought up by my neglectful working mother to ever actually say that to anyone. Until now!

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 15:32

Blondie, you really are taking it too personally.

When I said 'our babies' I was talking collectively. I wasn't referring to your baby in particular.

When 'she' referred to herself as a full time mum she was just using the easiest term available to explain that she was currently not working outside the house. She was not saying Blondie is any less of a mum because she works.

edam · 26/05/2009 15:33

ds has been taken out for the day by his old nanny - special treat for half-term because she still loves to see him. Does that make me not a mother until he comes home?

Tamarto · 26/05/2009 15:33

No one is saying otherwise though edam, just because someone chooses to define themselves by that title, doesn't mean they are saying anything about others who do paid employement.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2009 15:34

YABU and ridiculously over sensitive.

BigBellasBeerBelly · 26/05/2009 15:35

I would kill for an hour of not being a mum at the mo

I would have a really really good sleep....

jellybeans · 26/05/2009 15:35

ps BBBBI feel I have fullfiled my ambitions (I prefer to have time for me rather than an employer) and DH only works 39 hrs and has loads of time with his kids!!

TBH if you are happy with your choice you don't put down others doing the opposite. I wish everyone could be making the choice they wanted!

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 15:35

i think some of you are really missing the point here.

the point is - everyone who is a parent is a full time mum.

no one stops being a mum at work, you don't stop being a mum whilst you're in the shower because you are away from dc for a while?

i don't find it offensive, and in no way do we know if the woman was in paid employment also.

it seems to me that some working in non-paid employment mum's on this thread seem to think that only they can use the term.

OP posts:
HerNameWasLola · 26/05/2009 15:36

YANBU.
Being a mum is a full time job for everyone, regardless of whether they work outside the home or not. It's a silly phrase, and best avoided imo, but probably not something worth getting too excited about

smallegg · 26/05/2009 15:36

SerendipitousHarlot, what my friends do, leave the children in childcare and have a rest.

exactley what i will be looking forward to

edam · 26/05/2009 15:36

Well, actually yes they are, even if unintentionally. The clear implication is that other mothers are not full time. I've never been particularly bothered about it, but given there's a thread on this topic I may as well say what I think.

Poor old ds would REALLY suffer if I was a 'full-time mum', don't think I'd do a terribly good Doris Day impersonation of a 1950s housewife.

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 15:37

But it's just a turn of phrase. Not meant to cause offense just to explain to the audience that she's having a career break to be at home.

It's just the opposite to the working mum comment. Mums who WOH refer to themselves as working mums without trying to imply that SAHM do not work all day.

It's just about clarification not classification.

FairLadyRantALot · 26/05/2009 15:39

BBBB, hehe...I can tell you, now that I do full time Uni, I love being away from my Kids at times....I enjoy the stimulation....I wasn't a particularly good SAHM, I suppose....

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 15:40

ok, so lets put this to bed.

poll:
can a mother, who does paid employment out of the home call herself a 'full time mother'

i vote yes.

OP posts:
lockets · 26/05/2009 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tamarto · 26/05/2009 15:42

If you see it like that edam fair play, but you can't then use the words 'working mum' and wonder what the problem is, as the OP did.

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 15:42

Poll: If you started chattng with a mum who called herself a working mother would you assume she WOH?

lockets · 26/05/2009 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn