to think that mothering is completely different for people whose babies sleep

[tinierclanger]

I know we're very lucky really, I have friends whose babies are ill, or have had bad reflux, and some who have split up with their partners.

But I still can't help thinking that those people I know who seem so sunny about the whole thing all the time, it's because they have babies who have slept through from a very young age. I love DS and we have great times together, but I think I would be loving it even more, and finding things so much easier, if he had been sleeping through. I feel quite divided from the sleeping-through mummies, like they have no understanding at all of what it's like to be permanently chasing sleep, and feeling guilty about feeding in the middle of the night.

AIBU really?

[halia]

just in reply to a previuos post, its not a competition of course but I have to say after being lectured on why I should have another one when I had spent EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for the previuos 3 weeks, getting up at 11pm, 1am and 3am and then starting the day at 5am; dealing with at least one lot of vomit/poo soaked sheets from severe reflux/ D&V; having to give up work because I couldn't possibly put DS in nursery; etc etc I DO feel that i had a harder parenting time than people with sweet smelling, sleeping, cute and chubby little bundles of joy.

[katie789]

YNBU

My DD is 14 weeks, and has been sleeping from about 9pm till about 8am for two weeks now. I was very sleep-deprived for the first twelve weeks though, so am REALLY appreciating the sleep.

I don't know why, we have no routine, and I can't think of anything I've done to deserve it, although she does feed almost every hour in the run up to bedtime, from about 6pm onwards. Also she won't be put down to sleep during the day, unless in the car, or out on a walk in her pram.

I'm sure karma will balance it all out in the end...

Crazily enough, DH and I keep waking bolt upright in the middle of the night, having dreamt DD is in the bed with us and worried about squashing her (we don't co-sleep, and she usually only comes into our bed in the morning for first feed).

[katie789]

Sorry, YANBU

[stillenacht]

YANBU

totally agree.

Bloody women whose children 'sleep through' at 2 days old or something....PAH!

[saintlydamemrsturnip]

I don't know, for me it's more about getting head space. I haven't really had much sleep in 10 years and often still go to work on 3 hours- have adjusted to that- find no room for thought in the day more disruptive or children who don't settle at night more of a PITA.

[tiredemma]

DS2 Never slept through until the age of 3.

For this reason alone I would never consider having another baby.

I cant begin to tell you how tired and stressed I was.

[MrsMattie]

No you are NOT being unreasonable. You are totally, completely right.

First child - didn't sleep well and, in fact, didn't sleep a whole night for the first 2.5 years. I found the whole thing a terrible slog. I was exhausted, weepy, depressed and a bit all over the place, really.

Second child - has slept through the night from 8 weeks. I am finding it all much, much easier. So much so, that I am returning to work (she is 6 mths old). I was a pale-faced, weeping, exhausted shadow of a person when my first child was 6 mths old and couldn't have contemplated working. It was a struggle to get out the door most days, to be honest.

So YANBU. Not in my experience.

[MrsTittleMouse]

My God, yes you're right.

I've lost count of the threads on here where I have admitted that I struggle to get stuff done and have been leapt on. I can remember someone coming to my aid once and pointing out that with a baby and a toddler that they aren't likely to nap at the same time, and I wanted to yell out "NEITHER OF THEM NAP!!!". But I restained myself.

I was also looked at askance in RL recently when I admitted that I hadn't done my special physio exercises in weeks. By a Mum who has one baby, who sleeps. I was very restrained then, too. One day I will snap, and I will have no friends left.

[ByThePowerOfGreyskull]

I don't think you are being entirely unreasonable HOWEVER, DS1 slept from 12midnight until 6am from 6 weeks old and by 12 weeks was sleeping 12 hours, I never bonded with him and am still finding parenting him hard work.
On the other hand, DS2 hasn't slept well, he woke every 3 hours until he was 7 months and even now at 2.5 his sleep is irratic. However, I fell inlove with him immediately and he has a sunny disposition and he is very easy to parent.

I think if I had had a combination of DS1's temprament and DS2's sleeping I would have been a gonner.

[Skimty]

YANBU

Sometimes I feel really cross that the affect of having two rubbish sleepers is ignored by people. I know it's put my relationship under real strain and it's making it harder to convince DH for my much wanted number 3.

What I hate is people complaining about their children's sleep and saying to me 'it's alright for you, you don't need much sleep'. One even said she envied me when our DC2 were born because I was used to the sleep deprivation so it was easier. Yes, of course, much easier getting up to two children!

But the other day I was feeding DD and DS woke up for a cuddle and I had both their sleepy heads snuggled into me and I felt really lucky.

[tattycoram]

I think you're totally right. DS is 2.5 and has slept through the night about five times. I have sometimes been so tired at work that I have felt like throwing up. There was no way that I could consider having another baby until now (he only wakes up once a night and I can cope with that, he's still up at 530 or 6 though).

[halia]

thank god there are other people who havn't been able to consider another child after one terrible sleeper.
I've never been able to tell anyone the real reason we've stopped at one, its because DS was so awful, he did have a sunny personality in between being ill but I simply couldn't bond with him at all for the first couple of years. I have a medical condition which is made worse by lack of sleep and I can remember collapsing in parks weeping and shaking and once or twice vomiting i was so tired.
I also used to wander round the house trying to think of people/ways i could get 2-3 hrs without DS just so i could SLEEP peacefully.

[endless]

So right.

Mine didnt sleep til he was nearly 4.
I survived on 2-3 hours a night.

No not one single person got it. No one.

I wanted to die i was so tired.
Wanted to just lie down an never get up again.

Other people had babies/kids who had sleepless nights.....every now and again, not night after night after night.

My friend said, its ok for you, you worked nights so you are used to it......

I cannot, will not put myself through it again.
now at nearly 6, we have decided to try again for another. I am filled with the dread of it all.

[KERALA1]

You are totally right.

Had one non sleeper - we got no sleep for 9 months she just would not go to bed. if you put her down she screamed and would scream for hours. Some nights she was up all night . I nearly got to the end of my tether - once or twice shouting in another room "for gods sake go to sleep". I felt pure hateful visceral jealousy for NCT friends whose babies slept through from 6 weeks. It got so tired I felt I was unsafe to drive. You can't understand unless you have been through it.

Though (note this Tattycoram!) dd2 is a dream. Slept from 10pm - 8am with 2/3 hour nap in day from 3 months. Now at 5 months sleeps 8-8 with 3 hour nap in day. We did nothing different which proves to me that its nothing you do its the luck of the draw whether you get a sleeper or not.

[ladylush]

Ds slept badly for 3 years. I think on average he'd wake 5 times a night. It was hell. Expecting dc 2 in a few months time. Any suggestions from mums who cracked it second time around are welcome

[TheMadHouse]

My two both never "slept through" or did the "7pm to 7am" thing.

It is hard, infact it nearly drove me demented. There is 15 months between the two of them and god, when I read back on some of the things I wrote at 5am after an hours sleep, it is terrible.

I think some people function better on a little sleep, me well it sent me over the edge in to depression. I NEED my sleep to be able to be a nice mother.

They are now nearly 3 and 4 and still rarely go though the night without some sort of waking, but it is getting less and less.

I love them dearly and wouldnt be without them now, but ask me that in my sleep deprived state 2 years ago it would have been a different answer

I think that the expectations on new mums are horrendous - the competative thing for sleeping through.

My first NCT group were like that and it turns out that they often mean 8 hours and when we really got to know each other, they admitted that they were stretching the truth.

I dont sleep for 12 hours, why should my children, also I was a pants sleeper as a baby, so I guess it is retribution for all those sleepless nights I subjected my folks to

[stillenacht]

I used Gina Ford for DS2

[MichKit]

YA SOOOOOOO NBU !!

I need at leat 8 hours sleep every night, preferably more. DH has chronic fatigue syndrome, and is a light sleeper. DD wakes up at least twice a night, and its been like that for ever! I remember having to go on an overnighter to London once, and believe you me, I jumped at the chance for one unbroken night's sleep... then spent most of it awake at 1AM, 3AM and 5AM.

Its been 18 months now, and all my other mommy friends are glowing and well rested, and I look like I've been dragged backward through a hedge most days. I am lucky my employer doesn't care too much about the scruffy look!

We are adopting a 3 year old No.2. She sleeps through the night (DH insisted on the adoption, no more naturals)

[endless]

I remember clinging onto the worktop in the kitchen swaying, dizzy feeling like i was going to vomit with absolute exhaustion which penetrated my bones.
4 years of having 2-3 hours sleep spread out over a whole night.

How the hell did my ds survive on that little sleep? How?

We were up between 4-5 every morning to boot.

I couldnt wait for 7pm, litterally counting down the hours, then minutes. Only to have to get up to him at 11, 12.30, 2, 3, 4,30 then up for the day.

Hv said "keep a sleep diary!"

He was up 15 times night 1,
he was up 17 times the following night...i stopped then because i wanted to jump off a cliff.

[TheMadHouse]

I thought my feeling sick was from sleep deprevation, but oh no I was pregnant with number 2 I feel your pain

[ladylush]

stillenacht - lol at whispering. No bf on demand then. Did you bf? Just interested in how that would work.

[stillenacht]

endless - i remember exactly the same - that dizzy, i am going to be sick feeling...yes it was the main reason we waited 4 years before DS2 - i couldn't stand the thought of feeling like that again...luckily DS2 was a little better (still not brilliant but 'slept through' at 9 months).

[tattycoram]

Kerala, thank god for that. I could go through it again if I had to, I know that I would just about cope, but there is no way I could have coped with a newborn and a non sleeping toddler. Even now it takes at least an hour and a half of him farting about before he will lie down and go to sleep in the evening.

I heard a really terrible story recently about a very tired mother falling asleep at the wheel and being involved in a very very bad car crash .

[stillenacht]

I didn't bf DS2 as i didn't manage with DS1 very well and thought i wouldn't bother with DS2. DS2 has autism and i wonder always if me not bf contributed to this (alongside loads of other guilt trips i hand myself...)Of course i know there is no proof with the non bf thing but...i stuck to the Gina Ford as much as i could - i think i was a lot stricter with DS2 than DS1...i let him just scream for a lot longer as had DS1 to run around after and i think as a consequence he many have settled himself better.

[TheCrackFox]

Stillenach - there is 4 yrs between my two. Really couldn't contemplate it any earlier.

I had dizzy spells, heart palpitations, headaches and depression. I was anything but a yummy mummy. (I loath that term)