to think that mothering is completely different for people whose babies sleep

[tinierclanger]

I know we're very lucky really, I have friends whose babies are ill, or have had bad reflux, and some who have split up with their partners.

But I still can't help thinking that those people I know who seem so sunny about the whole thing all the time, it's because they have babies who have slept through from a very young age. I love DS and we have great times together, but I think I would be loving it even more, and finding things so much easier, if he had been sleeping through. I feel quite divided from the sleeping-through mummies, like they have no understanding at all of what it's like to be permanently chasing sleep, and feeling guilty about feeding in the middle of the night.

AIBU really?

[ssd]

from a post earlier

"thecrackfox sometimes granny help is not cheating its essential survival"

how do those of us who have no help survive then?

its just so hard listening to those whose babies sleep through or have granny to hand, while we have neither

[ssd]

grammaticus, sorry to bring this up, but from an ealier thread, if your babies slept so well no wonder you say you'd never lie beside a child trying to get them to sleep, you probably have never had to

[TheCrackFox]

LackaDAISYcal you have my sympathies. I was glad (in a way) that we had our nightmare sleeper first. When I was pregnant with Ds2 I just assumed he would be the same sleepwise so he was a lovely surprise.

Initially we wanted 3 DCs but have decided against just in case we get another lousy sleeper.

However, I will say that if you can get through the bad sleeping phase then compared with that nothing seems impossible.

[duchesse]

No you are not. My oldest slept 10 hours in any 24 at most from birth. It was blinking hard work! Having seen friends and relations with babies that sleep, I can guarantee that it is not the same experience if you can have a few hours off reliably.

[mrsshackleton]

yanbu, though some people cope far better with lack of sleep than others and have no understanding what it's like if you really need eight or nine hours.

dd1 was an excellent sleeper after three months (until then I found motherhood hell) and after that it was a breeze.

DD2 was not too bad compared to many but I found her early mornings - she liked waking between 5.30 and 6 a killer. I think I was clinically depressed for about a year because something in my body chemistry just can't cope if I'm woken before 7am [pathetic emoticon]. I didn't enjoy her early life at all as I permanently felt wretched and joyless. She's just started going until 7 and I feel a million times happier, some chemical in my brain has been switched off (or on). So how people whose babies wake 10 times a night cope I have no idea. OP, I wish you luck.

[oldraver]

Not read all the replies.. but my experience

DS1.. Bought him home at 12 days and he was a baby that 'she who must not be named' would of been proud of. He would be fed and changed in half an hour then fall asleep for the next three and a half hours. His early weeks were quite boring and I can remember being told off by the HV for polishing my telly (only because there was so much dust I couldnt see the picture) She said I should be resting

He continued like that, cutting out his 4am feed at 6 weeks and sleeping 12 hours at 8 weeks. It did make life with him very easy and enjoyable and I have some lovely pics of me at that time looking all serene and glowy. I did realise I was 'lucky'. He was a very calm toddler and still is a very laid back individual

DS2 on the other hand is so far the other way. He had severe Reflux and never slept more tha 20/30 mins at a stretch. By the time he had a spell in hospital at 4 months and he was still wanting to be fed every three hours I was like a Zombie. H ewa still wanting a night feed up to 8 months. Luckily he does sleep through mostly now but will still have bad nights. If DS2 had been my first there wouldn't of been a second

With DS1 I was a calm contented Mum, with DS2 frazzled all the time

DS 2 on the o

[bigchris]

yanbu
i hated the newborn stage both times for this reason
luckily they both slept well after about 4 months but just that 4 months killed me

[imoscarsmum]

My 8m old DD slept from 11pm to 7am at 5 days old, and at 12 weeks was sleeping 7-7 and still does.
I AM SO SO LUCKY, i know. I am in awe of other mums who don't have lots of sleep and still manage to function.
We have had about 14 or 15 nights where DD woke once and I have no idea how I would cope if another baby didn't sleep. (TBH, it puts me off having another as DD has been so easy). I can totally sympathise how lack of sleep makes you feel like you're not always with it.

But I hate the people who tell me she's such a 'good baby' - inferring that if she didn't sleep well, she's 'bad' somehow.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

my first son woke up every 2 hours, every single night from the day he was born until after our second son was born when no1 was 15 months old.

It was bloody knackering . Fairly soon after ds2 was born, they got together and came up with a System.

One of them would take the early shift, and keep us awake until 2am, while the other one slept. Then they'd allow us 2 hours sleep before the other one woke us up at 4am, wanting to play.

This went on for a couple of years, and then they started to take it in turns to get up in the middle of the night and try to get out of the house, or paint the walls with their poo.



Tiring certainly, but I'd hesitate to claim that my life was harder than someone else's just because my kids kept me up, because it's simply not a competition and I don't think it does any good to look at other people and decide that they don't have it as hard as you do or whatever.

[Breizhette]

YANBU. I am not sure if co-sleeping was the problem or the solution. But I don't think I would have survived without it.

[frustratedmom]

ssd - hope you are finding it easier to cope then I. Personally Ds would be in care and I would probably be dead without grannie. Sleep deprivation has been so bad I collasped behind wheel of car and was temporarily baned from driving by the Doc. And that was even with grannie help. Averaging 10hrs sleep over 7 days is a bit too little for 3 months Really hope your not in my position.

[misdee]

i have a none-sleeping dd4. she doesnt sleep much during the day, though have started slinging/wrapping her which has helped settle her a bit.

it makes me chuckle, as people go 'ooo you look so well' and i'm on autopilote, thinking i just want some sleep.

[sweetkitty]

DD1 was an angel sleeper, 11-8 at 3 weeks, 8 to 8 at about 9 weeks I thought what is all the fuss about, she would also have a 2 hour nap in the day, I was bored I thought let's have another one and of course I got the non sleeping baby this time around, DD2 was up 5-6 times a night until a year when I went on boob strike. Now she is 3 she is a fantastic sleeper, goes to bed straight away no fuss, sleeps straight through, out of pull ups etc. DD1 fusses about a lot at night but is generally quite good.

DD3 is 10 months and still up 4-5 times a night BUT I minimise the disruption by cosleeping and BFing her whilst asleep. She wakes, fusses, finds a boob, sucks for about 2 minutes, latches off, turns over and goes back to sleep. I feed her half asleep. The time is coming when I will wean her off night feeds too as I know it is only for comfort but I don't really mind, I agree that babies werent't meant to sleep through and it's an evolutionary thing to wake every few hours to check Mum is still there. I am so used to it now I don't think it affects me that much, last week she slept for 6 hours in one go (unheard of) and I woke up 3 times to check on her.

I think your experience of motherhood has other factors in particular outside support from family and friends. I have a friend whose Mum visits her every day to allow her to nap and have a shower and does some housework for her, she also has her baby overnight from about 6 weeks every 2 weeks so she and her DH can have some alone time. Her experiences are different from mine in that I get no help at all and have a DH working long hours.

[keevamum]

YANBU my eldest slept through by 2 weeks well 10 - 6. I loved every minute of it because I got 8 hours unbroken sleep. My second did not sleep through the night until 2 years old. What a difference it makes. I loved her as a baby but the whole experience was much less pleasurable than first time round. So YAdefinitelyNBU!

[LupusinaLlamasuit]

I dunno, I'm too knackered and deranged and amnesiac and stupid to be able to answer.

Although all of mine have mostly moved into the 4am regular BF slot for their middle of the night parties, I have had nearly 11 years of broken nights now, if you include the pregancies. My own fault for having spaced out babies (IYSWIM).

I think most things are improved with enough sleep. I do think permanent illness makes us more deranged also: the kids', not ours. So, you have maternity leave with no sleep, then just as they are getting more into a bit of routine, one or other child is up all night and at home with some lurgy. Every three weeks or so.

It's a wonder more of us aren't nuts

[Picante]

I've had a recent breakthrough with ds (3) which may help some of you. Admittedly he wasn't that bad - waking once a night, but I found it hard as it would take me an hour or so to get back to sleep.

ANYHOW, he would always wake around 1-3am. My chiropractor said it was because of the carbs in his dinner. Basically they turn to sugar slowly and give a sugar rush around that time of night, which was waking him up.

So I stopped carbs at dinner time. None apart from brown rice and new potatoes were allowed, just gave him meat and vegetables.

From the first night I did that, he slept through for a week. Then I gave him parsnips (weirdo child likes them) and low and behold he woke up.

We've been doing this no-carb thing for a couple of months now, and he sleeps through almost every night.

My chiropractor said it works for some children, not all, but it might be worth a shot if you haven't tried it yet!

[nkf]

I'm not sure what you are worried about. Which bit is unreasonable? Or not unreasonable? I know that for years, I thought about nothing but sleep. I longed for it, schemed about it, counted up how many hours I'd had. Envied people who slept. I had no conversation. All I did was yawn and say things like "I'm so tired" and "he'll be up in a minute." Doubt if it this helps but it does pass.

[anjlix]

No being unreasonable at all. I had preemie twins who are now 6 mos. For nearly 3mos they fed every 2.5 to 3hrs and not in sync. They had poor suck reflex so it would take 45 mins to feed them. Feeding was a 2 person job. That means if we were lucky we would get 2hr 15mins break. I had mum help me or else I think I was going to go nearly psychotic. I am still struggling even though they just do 1-2 night feeds between 7 and 7. They are just so much more demanding during the day. This is despite the fact that they go down for 2hr nap midday and settle well. But if those naps are not in sync then there is really no break. Those days can be quite hard.

[herbgarden]

No YANBU - sleep deprivation is horrible....and why feel guilty about feeding in the night. If it gets them back off then that's the way to do it.

I have been lucky with my two (although DD is still little and a lot can change) but when DD was first born in January thi syear and for the first three months when every night felt like a relay between DS (nearly 3) and DD waking up and no-one letting me get any kip for nights on end, I almost felt worse when I then occasionally would go up to my Mums and leave DH to deal with the carnage and got a long stretch of sleep than when I snatched a few hours at a time. I suppose your body almost adjusts to the exhaustion and can't cope when it gets the sleep it probably really needs.

I can cope with little sleep - DH on the other hand is absolutely rubbish so I'd rather just get up to my kids than have Kevin the Teenager moping around the house after a bad night

[Washersaurus]

I think it is a combination of your sleep requirements, your DC's temperament, and other external pressures....

I need lots of sleep (at least 8 hours); DS2 doesn't sleep and doesn't nap in the day (although sleep has recently improved (nearly 2yo), this is combined with him being a VERY clingy needy child, and stress caused by finances etc. All of these things have made parenting more of a struggle than with DS1 - who loves his sleep.

[stainesmassif]

herbgarden at 'kevin the teenager'. i have one exactly like that.

[halia]

YANBU, Ds didn't sleep through the night or eat well until he was 3.5. And it was unpredictable not sleeping varying from ages to get to sleep, to waking up every 2 hrs, to waking up just once but staying awake for ages etc etc.

He was a terrible sleeper plus he was ill nearly all of the time for his first 2.5 yrs (complicated allergies which took a while to diagnoise and sort out).

I am STILL in recovery (DS is now 4.1) I simply couldn't function and we all walked around half dead for nearly 4 years (he kept me awake during pregnancy as well).