to think that mothering is completely different for people whose babies sleep

[tinierclanger]

I know we're very lucky really, I have friends whose babies are ill, or have had bad reflux, and some who have split up with their partners.

But I still can't help thinking that those people I know who seem so sunny about the whole thing all the time, it's because they have babies who have slept through from a very young age. I love DS and we have great times together, but I think I would be loving it even more, and finding things so much easier, if he had been sleeping through. I feel quite divided from the sleeping-through mummies, like they have no understanding at all of what it's like to be permanently chasing sleep, and feeling guilty about feeding in the middle of the night.

AIBU really?

[doggydaft]

My DD is ten1/2(years) and I think I can count on my hands the amount of times she has slept through the night. As a baby after the first few months she wasn't waking to get fed but to play and have a party! Now she wakes up and potters about her room, reads for while and goes back to sleep. Rules are she must stay in her room, no computer or music allowed and she seems to suffer no ill effects. TBH I am a terrible sleeper and have been since I was a child-I work a job with shifts as I can't cope with 9-5 as I often need to sleep at odd times as I've been up during the night for hours. DS 9 however still sleeps 11-12 hours a night and has done since he was about 4-5 months old, he also had regular naps of an hour or so until he was 3 where DD was much more unpredictable about when she would sleep. I often wonder if it is genetic, my DH sleeps like the dead and my dad is like me and DD, up pottering around in the wee hours.
When DD was a baby/toddler we tried all sorts of sleep training but tbh none of it worked, it just made us all very grumpy! I accept now that she is the way she is, she doesn't ever really have a lie in and is doing fine at school etc but I honestly don't know how I would have coped if DS hadn't slept well-I was constantly knackered when they were babies so you are def NBU.

[MistsandMellowMilady]

ZOMG didn't realise this was an old thread.

I don't often see threads I was on under my old name. I still agree with me unsurprisingly

[BubsMaw]

My first child, my DD, was and still is a 'terrible sleeper', she fought sleep, skipped naps, co slept for years, etc. etc. I got fed up with everybody's 'advice', and bumbled on year after year with varying degrees of knackeredness.

Now that I have my DS, he's currently 7 months old, he is a little 'better' at sleeping in that he'll sleep for 11hrs overnight and only wakes perhaps 3 times for feeding and cuddles. He will never nap during the day though, other than perhaps 5 mins every third day. Nobody in RL knows this though, as I always dodge the questions "Oh, is he a good baby?" or "How is he at sleeping" etc. as I just can't be bothered with all the ensuing chat and advice that follows. I'll just say "Oh, he's okay".

So most people in RL would probably think he's sleeping through. I'm just adding to the myth of the sleeping baby...

[mollycuddles]

Yanbu but for me beyond the sleep deprivation is the sense that I'm at fault.

Ds didn't nap and has never slept 12 hours at night. He's 12 now and needs less sleep than me. I tried everything. He was ff, religiously in his cot, everything done by swmnbn type approach even though this was before her bollocks book was published. My approach to parenting changed completely by dd1 (worn down by ds and I read a lot during endless sleepless nights. I figured if my baby was up all night I may as well be following parenting advice that fitted with my beliefs about child development etc). Dd1 coslept and ebf and napped beautifully and slept well (until cot hatred kicked in age 2)

I realised that what I did made bog all difference. Now I have dd2 who is her brother's clone. I'm knackered (she's 16 weeks) and get that dizzy with tiredness thing a lot. But I don't expect her to sleep and I don't blame myself and that helps a lot.

[verytellytubby]

There are babies that sleep through. My DT's did from 4 months. I think they sensed my extreme murderous tiredness. My DD on the other hand has always been a terrible sleeper. Even at 8 she sneaks into our bed in the early hours.

[Lynli]

I completely agree. I was extremely lucky that my DCs slept through very early without using any controlled crying or anything else.

I think if you have a good nights sleep you can cope with anything during the day.

[IMoveTheStars]

YANBU. I have a friend who's first baby was a big fan of sleep. Slept through at about 2mo, plus 3 x 2 hour naps in the day (I shit you not!!) Even at 3yo he will still have a good 12-13 hours a night, and a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day. She was always sunny, happy, etc.


her DS2 is NOT a fan of sleep. She recently said something like 'dear god, how on earth did you lot cope with this? how do you cope with no sleep? why do they do this??? etc etc'

it makes the WORLD of difference. I wonder what difference it makes to the incidence of PND

[echt]

YABU - although DD is now a teenager, I was very conscious of how lucky we were that she slept so easily. It seemed to me I was knackered enough just doing all the rest of being a mum.:o

[MistsandMellowMilady]

YANBU, having a sleepful child is a very different experience OP to having one which does not. My DD was a bit bad in that respect but by almost three she was okay.

My DS still has nights where he gets up for the day at 3 a.m and there is nothing anyone can do about it except get up with him and see he is safe. He keeps going until way past our bedtime too

Some people just have it very easy in terms of eating or sleeping and sometimes both. I did with DD.

Exhibit 1: My cousin aged thirty three was asked for I.D when buying booze at a Supermarket for her PFB's first birthday party!

[zam72]

YADNBU! It is a different experience mothering a poor sleeper to a great sleeper. Doesn't make you love them less but makes everything more like walking through treacle. DS1 was a very poor sleeper until 18months and a poor eater as well (and had bad reflux) - I was pretty fraught a lot of the time. I thought my friends with miracle babies didn't know they were born and that they were probably exaggerating slightly.

DS2....ever since he was a newborn I've never (or virtually never) had to get up more than once a night. Once he hit 9 weeks he slept all the way through with a 10pm dream feed. From 4 months all the way through 7-7. Bliss....he is the urban myth...but I know just how lucky I am.

[OneTwoBuckleMyShoe]

NBU

I was probably one of those horrendously smug mothers when DD slept through from 2 months until 6 months ish.

Since then I am a permanent zombie. Highlighted even more now I am back teaching.

[Idama]

YANBU, sleep deprivation is awful, but I think the guilt you mentioned is an unnecessary extra for mums to carry.

I know this is an old thread now, but I just wanted to add that my dd is 8 1/2 months and I've not had more than 3 hours sleep in a row since she was born, but I do still feel sunny most of the time. I feel no guilt whatsoever at feeding her as many times during the night as she needs. Obviously I'm happier for as few disturbances as possible but I don't expect her to go all night without needing me/milk while she's little. I think the idea that babies should sleep through is a lot to ask of them.

[Mum2Kaden]

Thanks for making me feel better! At least I know I am not alone.....DS now 1 year old and still sleeping with me and feeding 1-2 times a night. DH in another room as needs to be up for work at 6am. Trying to get DS into his own room and to stay in cot but he is resisting ! Nice to know others have similar problems. I feel empathy for you all.

[valleysprincess]

Mine slept 7pm till 7am from about 2months old. She is now 11 months and still sleeps the same. I followed the baby whisperer routine. Not sure whether than had anything to do with it or it was just luck

[MrsNetz]

No you are not I have a son 2.8mon old and daughter 8m old. Son slept after a little bit of baby whisperer advice. Nothing works for DD nothing at all. I used to wonder why people rocked their babies or kept feeding them at night. Now i know it is a case of anyrthing for a bit of sleep. DD wakes up DS and round and round we now go!!!
That'll teach me to think i was good at something hey?!!?

[mummyingreen]

Reading this thread is so reassuring! DD never slept for more than 4 hours during the night until she was 6 months old and I tried the controlled crying thing. That seemed to work and for a blissful few months we had 11 hours at night (up at 0530 though!) and a couple of daytime naps. Then the random crying as though the world was ending began- very distressing and I have no idea what caused that during the night- nightmares? That was when she was 1. Now, aged 21 mths and in her own little bed that she likes much more than her cot, we have to stay with her until she is fast asleep- this take 1.5-2 hours on average per night. Also bedtime is now apparently close to 9 than 7 as she just will not sleep before then. Then she wakes in the night too and comes into our bed when we just can't stay up anymore (both working and need to sleep before an hour long commute in the car every day). New baby due in 3 mths time and I hope this will pass as 2 non-sleepers might actually break me! Oh yes, and daddy is away for 2 mths- great!!

[snuffkin]

I haven't read all the posts as I'm too tired! But i don't think YABU at all. I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old and am feeling guilty at sometimes wishing I had never had children at all when I get so upset from my sleep exhaustion. It makes me feel really sad because I don't want to wish their babyhood away but sleep deprivation is deffo a form of torture and I am feeling so tortured! Makes me crabby and grumpy and I so wish they would sleep so I could be a breezy, happy mummy full of life

[Lishylooloo]

I have a great sleeper here but I can promise you all that I'm not smug -I thank my lucky stars every day! DD stated doing 7 or 8 hours in a row at 8 weeks and was going from 7.30pm to 7.30am by 3 months. She's now 13 months and she still does 2 naps a day one which is 2 hours long. Of course we have blips from time to time when she wakes in the night and that's when my heart goes out to all of you who have babies who do that every night. I will never be smug about it because lack of sleep I know is just the worst. I'm 3 months pg now and fingers crossed No.2 will be just as good. If it's any conoslation, DD is a TERRIBLE eater...!

[deste]

My DD (4 months) used to sleep from 5.15 through till 8.00 in the morning. I had to waken her after 5 or 6 hour naps through the day and like the poster above I was bored. She was an absolute dream baby. When she got older I could sit her in her bouncer and she would have sat happily all morning on her own. (I didn't of course). Before anyone says anything she was the second baby. My son (first baby) never slept more than twenty minute naps through the day and slept once all night at 4 months and never again till he was two years and 10 months. As someone said you are like a zombie, constantly feeling dizzy and you cant think straight. You dont realise how bad it is till they sleep the first night through and you feel like a different person. I did have 9 years between them.

[jabberwocky]

YANBU, I totally agree with the poster who said she felt like she had permanent brain damage from lack of sleep. Both of my boys were horrible, waking every two hours until 2 years old sleepers. And now at 2.5 after just a few precious months of sleep, ds2 is transitioning out of his crib and back to waking once a night

I felt almost vicious towards a smug relative who kept going on and on about what a fabulous sleeper her son is. Probably wouldn't have gotten so emotional but she knew about the severe sleep deprivation we had gone through

[misshardbroom]

pmsl at Ninkynork's name. Will now never be able to watch ITNG again without thinking of it.

(you see, this is what half a decade of sleep deprivation does, you actually look forward to seeing IgglePiggle)

[Ninkynork]

"On several occasions in the dark days of no sleep, people would say to me 'Oh no, I just couldn't have that'.... as though I had any choice!!

I felt like saying to them 'oh really, couldn't you? What would you do then, sell them on ebay and get a different baby?'"

So true, misshardbroom, and so annoying. Along with, "I couldn't put up with that, I need at least eight undisturbed hours every night!"
As if I didn't, after 18 months of it!

[happychic]

If you have a good sleeper, never be smug - it can change at the drop of a hat.

My 23 month old previously star-sleeper (down at 7pm and woke at 7-7.30am) has just suddenly changed. She does not want to go to sleep and launched herself out of her cot 3 times, so we have had to convert it to the 'big girls' bed. She has been waking several times in the night and is fully awake before 6am. I am hoping that it is a phase and things will settle again soon.

Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing and affects all sorts of things, no wonder it has been used as a form of torture!

Here's hoping that every Mum has a full nights sleep tonight. x

[BirdyBedtime]

YANBU - and that is coming from a mum of 2 who both slept through from fairly early. I consider myself incredibly lucky as I know things would have been infinitely harder without sleep, and actually I don't know how I would have coped. But, the strange thing is that I have often felt left out as I can't contribute to the conversations about sleep deprivation that often take place at mum and baby groups etc where I just end up saying nothing as I don't want to sound smug and probably end up looking unfriendly instead.

[misshardbroom]

no, it's not about resentment, it's just about completely different expectations.

On several occasions in the dark days of no sleep, people would say to me 'Oh no, I just couldn't have that'.... as though I had any choice!!

I felt like saying to them 'oh really, couldn't you? What would you do then, sell them on ebay and get a different baby?'