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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

500 replies

Scrumplet · 25/05/2009 19:22

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

OP posts:
whatdodos · 09/03/2022 10:37

I hate it when people just pop in randomly I like to make sure I'm at least out of my pyjamas and the house is semi tidy. But as another PP said I would never say that to them! I just end up the entire time apologising profusely for the mess and then they usually end up texting the next time anyway!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 09/03/2022 10:39

@Sparklingbrook
I just wonder what people are searching for half the time to come across an ancient thread.

No searching involved. Person who brought it up again explained it was in her daily update email. So more of a glitch, it appeared in my email too.

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2022 10:40

[quote Treesandsheepeverywhere]@Sparklingbrook
I just wonder what people are searching for half the time to come across an ancient thread.

No searching involved. Person who brought it up again explained it was in her daily update email. So more of a glitch, it appeared in my email too.[/quote]
A daily update email? What's that ? And why is it bringing up 13 year old threads? Confused

TheRealMrsMac · 09/03/2022 10:43

ZOMBIE THREAD FROM 2009

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2022 10:44

I have found it, I am not subscribed to it, which is probably for the best with this glitch. It is described as 'What’s happening on Mumsnet and the day's hottest topics' Grin

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 09/03/2022 10:50

Asking a bunch of people who do not answer their doors or telephones will not help you much I fear.

LadyPropane · 09/03/2022 10:57

Wow, I was still wearing indie skinny jeans and listening to Arctic Monkeys when this thread was made

CherryChupa · 09/03/2022 11:15

I kinda get why you might feel a bit put-out, they've literally just pointed out you did something they don't particularly like within their bounderies. But really, the question is "AIBU that my friend was honest with me?"

So - if they are a friend, they should be able to be honest, and if they are more of an acquaintance, then you shouldn't be dropping in willy nilly anyway imo.

I'd take it as was intended - they love having you round (they wouldn't have let you in otherwise), they'd just prefer a heads up to check they aren't busy (or busy taking a chill-day). It's not really for any of us to decide if another should be happy at our sudden appearance, but it is for us all to decide to be respectful of others and their lives.

I can't imagine your friend was overly comfortable at having to tell you their boundaries?

For me, there are a few friends and family I have no issue with turning up out of the blue, but for the most part I'd prefer a heads up. I tend to plan my day as much as possible, so sometimes interruptions to those plans are just plain inconvenient.

beethecrackon24995 · 09/03/2022 11:17

YABVU HATE pop ins

CherryChupa · 09/03/2022 11:18

Gawd I didn't even notice the date - now Im wondering if they're still friends Confused

mam0918 · 09/03/2022 11:21

@Scrumplet

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

Of course, it's rude to just randomly show up unannounced, always has been and is basic etiquette.

You don't get to decide how important their timeline of the day is or what they are currently doing is.

Where you dragged up?

blinder · 09/03/2022 11:23

If anyone knows @Scrumplet, please, we gotta know, did the friendship survive??

Drinkingallthewine · 09/03/2022 11:24

An aunt of a friend used to always answer her door to Popper-Inners in her coat.

That way if she wanted you to piss off, she told you she was just on her way out the door to catch a bus. Worked a treat with door to door sales as well.

If she liked you and wanted you to stay for a bit, she told you that she was literally just in the door 5 minutes before you rang the doorbell, and was just about to stick on the kettle for a cuppa.

Genius.

FairWindClearSailing · 09/03/2022 11:24

@Moomoo75 ignore the angry people. It was a mistake. The people actually raging about this really need some hobbies...

wheresthespatula · 09/03/2022 11:26

But you didn't call. You just popped in on a whim for ten minutes while they were busy. I could understand if little one needed the bathroom and couldn't wait but your son didn't need the bathroom. They could have spent those ten minutes doing something else

Is it that hard to call before you just randomly turn up to people's houses? Have we lost all manners?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/03/2022 11:29

@Moomoo75

Oh I HATE people popping in without notice including family. I think it's rude. I don't know if I would have said it like they did to you but maybe they are right to just say it as it is.
Why the everloving fuck would you post on a thread that's THIRTEEN YEARS OLD?? How did you even FIND it?? Are you some kind of thread archaeologist, or Baron Saturday looking for zombies to reanimate??

Jeez.

Next time just start your own thread!

WomanStanleyWoman · 09/03/2022 11:36

Jesus Christ - people who drown puppies and punch pensioners get less hassle than this! It’s just an old thread. Click your back button, look at another thread instead and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad - I would consider professional help.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/03/2022 11:46

Ah. Just read back and realised that it came up in an email - how VERY strange!!

BurbageBrook · 09/03/2022 11:46

YABU because you were really rude to just pop in IMO!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/03/2022 11:47

@WomanStanleyWoman

Jesus Christ - people who drown puppies and punch pensioners get less hassle than this! It’s just an old thread. Click your back button, look at another thread instead and MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad - I would consider professional help.

You probably need it, since you seem more bothered.
nitsandwormsdodger · 09/03/2022 11:56

You can do loads with 10 min warning I would rearrange my face if I’d been crying
Check loo for skiddies
Put clothes on
Spray fabreze if I’ve been farting baby nappies in bin
Kick milkman out the back door

Moomoo75 · 09/03/2022 11:57

Ok, for the 3rd time now I apologise for bringing up this old thread. It was a v genuine mistake. It appeared on my list and I posted a reply. I stupidly didn't look at the date. I think I have been chastised enough about this now. I'm sorry to have irritated those obviously more perfect than me. But there are bigger problems in the world. So lets just move on. A mistake is a mistake is a mistake.

Herewegoagain84 · 09/03/2022 12:02

I'd always text or call first and never spring it on someone. That said, if someone did knock on the door with no notice, I'd graciously have them in and not say anything about it.

pickingdaisies · 09/03/2022 12:08

I wonder if the OP's friends have finished the washing up yet? Or if they are still married? Or if scrumplet continues her popping in ways (tricky with pandemics, lockdowns and the like)
2009!!!!!

blinder · 09/03/2022 12:13

@Moomoo75 the people still berating you probably haven’t even read the thread themselves, including your previous apology, have ignored the comment by MNHQ, and also are re-vivifying this thread by posting on it! I think it’s funny. Don’t worry about it.