To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

[Scrumplet]

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

Bloody hell, 2009.

Well, obviously covid had nothing to do with it ...

@RaskolnikovsGarret

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a 13 year old thread resurrected before.

I know, someone should have texted to let me know it was coming.

This zombie thread is actually super interesting to me as it seems there’s been a sea change in option since 2009 - more people nowadays seem averse to being popped in on.
Wonder if it’s caused by lockdowns etc or the prevalence of mobile phones. FWIW I love when non-judgemental friends/family pop in (as I live in a state of somewhat permanent chaos) but get very stressed when ocd hyper clean MIL shows up out of the blue and sweeps my hallway 7 times / starts giving me advice about how to polish a bannister. My point is , everyone’s different in regards to this, surely, so just get to know your friends’ preferences and everyone’s happy ..

Sometimes people just can’t be arsed seeing anyone so always best to check.

If you know someone works from home it makes sense to not drop in unexpectedly. But not dropping in because you worry they might be having sex?
They can just not answer the door (which if you believe what people post on here then 99% of Mnetters never answer the door (or the landline) whatever they are doing anyway)

I have a friend who does this all the time and I hate it. It always seems to be when I'm just in the middle of something I want to finish now, or about to go somewhere.

It makes things very awkward because it then sounds like I'm making excuses not to talk to them and I don't want to offend.

It cost nothing to ring quickly

I hate it when people call in without warning - I struggle to keep my home fit for visitors at all times - but I wouldn’t say anything.

My DM when we were young always popped round and we always had friends and family popping round to us.

But as I grew up I realised that a lot of people prefer to be phoned/texted before someone calls round.

DM once had a delightful male platonic friend of hers who after his divorce when I was 17 or so delighted in popping round unannounced with his new girlfriends, for DM and DF to vet. That got wearing after a while for DM and DF as there were quite a few of them... and DF didn't really like him anyway.

I am fine with it if people pop by and check with you if it's a good time, and are fine if it's not. Used to have a family that would descend on us for hours at about 5pm on a Saturday when we were just chilling out after a busy day. I was getting to the point of considering parking somewhere else so they didn't know we were home. Wouldn't have minded if it was just a quick cup of tea, but they wouldn't leave!

It may be a zombie thread but is a perennial problem which still exists. I would hate it with a passion if anyone was to "pop" by (no-one would where I live now, but when I lived in London I have been known to pretend not to be home...).

OP is basically asking if it's ok to invite yourself to a friend's and be annoyed when told to call first.
To you it's for 'only 10 minutes' but to the friend/family it could be the only 10 minutes they had that day to sit down and de-stress.
I've had drop inners before on a Sunday when I'd worked a 50 hour week and just wanted a day to binge on crisps and trashy tv. She was a new friend and she brought a couple of friends of hers that I didn't know. I was in a tiny flat share and wasn't assertive enough to shoo them away.
Easy to say don't open the door, but if the lights were on, car in drive, dog barking etc they'd know you were in. Just be glad they told you OP, where ever you are now.

Zombie don't care.

I think it's as much of a problem as you make it TBH. I seem to be in the minority in that I'll just answer the door and see who it is. If I'm busy I'll tell them, if i'm not then fine.

In RL you do tend to know people's preferences though. I probably know a couple of people who'd prefer a text beforehand.

I certainly don't like unannounced drop-ins. BUT I would never say anything as rude as your 'friend' did! TBH they don't sound like real friends - her being frosty, and him saying something so rude to you. He could have got his message across without being so rude about it.

When I am queen people who resurrect Zombie threads without explanation will be banned.

From the internet.

I hate people dropping in, I’ve usually got my lunch spilled down my top or the house is a mess. I would never do it to anyone but I’m an introvert so never assume anybody would welcome me anywhere!

Don’t get me started on having my husband’s family to stay. Literally makes me ill!

Oh a zombie, ok then

@Febrier

When I am queen people who resurrect Zombie threads without explanation will be banned.

From the internet.

I just wonder what people are searching for half the time to come across an ancient thread.

@Babdoc

Impromptu visits only seem to happen to me on washday, when all my radiators are gaily festooned with drying knickers…

I'll see your drying knickers and raise you reusable sanitary pads soaking in the bathroom sink....

This (more recent thread) might be of interest to some on here-

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a4487006-Is-there-a-medical-diagnosis-for-hating-people-coming-into-your-house?msgid=115280298#115280298

I hate it if people just pop in. I think it’s rude.

A quick text or call takes seconds.

Hmmm
Personally, I wouldn’t have opened the door and then asked you to let me know when you’re in the area next time (if you bring it up)
But that’s me and I’m quite antisocial when it comes to house visits

sorry but i think you were rude. you should have called and said hey were in the area, mind if we pop in?

people could be busy and its awkward turning someone away when they are standing at your door

No-one is being unreasonable or rude. Assuming they were fairly polite about it. Most friends would be happy for you to pop in briefly unannounced. These people weren't and it is better that they told you. Don't let it spoil the friendship - just give them a text/call next time.

@irregularegular

The OP has possibly worked this out in the 13 years since she posted.

She took you in the garden which makes me think you came round when she was feeling ashamed of the house. I think what she said was a very badly worded way of apologising for the state of it.