To think that good manners in children are overrated?

[mrsruffallo]

Manners seem so important to some parents. Personally, I don't believe in forcing them to say sorry, please, thank you, hello, goodbye etc.
If it is a genuine emotion they say it naturally anyway
AIBU?

Ha Ha

Good luck with this one

Yes. You are. Manners are important. There is no excuse for rude behaviour. Children also don't do much 'naturally' and need to be taught when it is appropriate to say sorry or thankyou. They also learn by example.

I am fairly strict re good manners.

It's not so much the actual word thank you (for example) sometimes it is the attitude of a child as well. (not small toddlers, older children I mean)

Say for example I give a child a biscuit. If the child is shy and smiles at me, I wouldn't start harrassing him/her for a thankyou as well. However if he she grabbed it/snatched it and ran off that wouldn't be so good imo.

yes you are being very unreasonable. we as parents are supposed to socialise our children.

just as one would teach them to read and write, one should teach them good manners - please thank you, sorry.

i think its remiss of parents not to do so.

I don't mind learning by example, it's these parents who say go on, go on, say thank you, say bye, say sorry - it just seems wrong

I wholeheartedly disagree with you. Good manners will stand a child in stead his whole life. We're doing the child a favour in instilling these manners in them.

You don't really mean this, do you?

But just in case you do.... of course YABU! Manners are not about expressing your genuine emotions. They are about making other people feel good. And it is important to teach your children to care about how other people feel.

Yes you are.

I personally don't care too much if my DC are scruffy and dirty when people meet them, but I am horrified if they are rude. Their passage through life will be eased if they can behave and express themselves politely.

also tells one a lot about the parent. its lovely to see a parent teaching a child good manners - repeating 'ta' or 'thank you' to a small child when it is given something.

mrsjammi - I don't think that using cutlery is 'manners' TBH.

I do mean it actually!
But then I get annoyed by overly polite people saying sorry sorry for example when they have done nothing wrong.
It seems weak

OK, how old are your children?

Didn't mean using cutlery

no point teaching them until they get to about 4/5.....but i wouldn't stress over it.

YABU

manners are worth everything and cost nothing, hacving them instilled at an early age means they stay for life

Tell my cousins who went to school without being able to use a knife and fork and were laughed at that manners aren't important!

DIDN'T MEAN USING CUTLERY

Manners are certainly very important. After all we'd fare pretty badly socially if we didn't learn good manners.

Children need to learn to say please, thank you etc whether it's a genuine emotion or not IMO.

YABU
I have seen this opinion expressed here before and it's just to me. Custy has it to a tee- it's your job to socialise your dc, and a big part of that is instilling manners. It doesn't 'just happen'

x post re cutlery

please, thank you etc are important

not overrated in children or adults

mrsruffallo I think you should say sorry for shouting at us.

As an aunt I am always a little shocked and dismayed when my dnephew (aged 8) grabs his birthday present without even looking at us and with neither a smile nor a thank you. I'm always glad when his mother prompts him "what do you say."

There's a big difference between the kind of self-effacing social awkwardness of saying 'sorry' and laughing nervously for no reason, and managing the good manners of greetings and thanks etc.

There is nothing weak about thanking someone for a gift properly, or greeting them nicely when they arrive to make them feel welcome. It's important. If you don't learn to do that stuff, and learn why you are doing it, you will inadvertently offend people.

I don't want my children to unwittingly irritate people or upset them. I want people to respond positively to my children.

at one piece of creme egg
But I am not feelin it?
You feel me?