To think that good manners in children are overrated?

[mrsruffallo]

Manners seem so important to some parents. Personally, I don't believe in forcing them to say sorry, please, thank you, hello, goodbye etc.
If it is a genuine emotion they say it naturally anyway
AIBU?

Now you see I am the opposite mrsr.

I don't think that using cutlery properly is as important as being polite. How you do things is not as important as how you relate to other people. When DS#1 was about 4 a friend say him eating with his knife and fork in the 'wrong' hands and told him he must swap them over as that kind of thing gives a bad impression At the time he was still not sure whether he was left or right-handed. If he'd been shoveling the food in with his hands I might have seen her point.

Using cutlery is etiquette and lets others judge you .
Using good manners is much more important and about how you treat others.

YABu, of course they are important. Good manners are crucial to effective social interaction. My DS is just two and he says please and thank you, sometimes with prompting sometimes without. I hope when he's at playgroup and later at nursery and school the fact that he has good manners will help him enormously in making friends and being seen as a well-behaved child by adults he comes into contact with.

Imagine if we all expressed only purely natural emotions rather than social niceties!

YABU.

manners aren't (necessarily) about expressing emotion... they're about showing consideration and respect for other people.

I also think children can learn good manners well before 4 or 5... dd aged 3 knows to say "please", "thank you", "sorry", etc.
Sometimes she needs prompting, but not always.

I'd fel embarassed to thionk thay anyone considered my children to be rude or lacking in manners.

Are you being serious?
I think manners are UNDERRATED in children these days.
Not much worse than rudeness in children, IME. I just think they're spoilt brats.
We are trying to instill good manners in our DS (he's just 2) but I have always felt very proud when other parents complemented my brother and SIL on their son's impeccable manners and behaviour at parties.
That's I want to hear about my DS.

But you can be grateful, sympathetic, friendly (as a child) and it means more than someone saying those words insincerely

I thought my last comment might make you cross again.

shut up haven't you got any housework to do?

Absolutely. I want other people to look at DS with this face , not this one

Message withdrawn

IMO, good manners can take you miles and miles. I'm a stickler for them. I use them and have taught my two to use them. Ds is 10 and has started to lapse though, chews with his mouth open too and I blame the children he sits with at school at lunch time who have obviously not been checked at home...I am constantly on at him over it.
Who gets the blame for these bad manners? the parent does. So if you don't give a damn what people think of your Dc's and in turn you, then don't bother with teaching good manners. I personally have more pride than to allow it to go unchecked.

Orm, I think using cutlery correctly is part and parcel of table manners, so I think it does count.

Please teach your children manners. I find it nearly impossible to remember to say "You're welcome" and always feel awkward saying "Thank you" for things as I'm not sure when the right time is to say it. I'm sure this is because it wasn't instilled in me when I was very young, I should be doing it automatically by now.

I can see what you mean and there should be meaning behind the words, but if you forgo the words until they understand the meaning it can be too easy to be too relaxed about it.

YABU.

Ahem my children are very nice, kind little people. This is more important.

Tosh and poppy cock

We teach children to say these things yes, but that is different to forcing them to say things they do not mean.

Just because a 2yo does not say thank you does not mean they are not grateful, we have to teach them to express that gratitude. We are not forcing them to say something they do not mean we are teaching them to say something they do mean.

Please? yes, it is a social convention but it is also a way of communicating "I am a plesant and friendly person who would like your help/item/information" all in one word, hopefully your child is a plesant, friendly person so, again, teaching something they do mean.

I think you are just feeling up for a fight.

YABU, manners are very important and apart from the socialisation and consideration aspect, I'd shudder to think how relationships work out where neither partner knows the value of saying please and thank you when the other has made them a cup of tea or offered some small favour.

Will have to sit on the fence about table manners though . DS aged 3 is an unrefined savage and more likely to stick his knife up his nose ( plastic and does get told off for it) than use it to shovel up his meal.

Yes YABU.

IMO manners don't come naturally, they are a product of civilisation. If you don't instil a little civilisation into your DC, by teaching them or by example, then they won't become civilised.

Manners maketh the man!! Yes, its very important to have good manners - nothing worse than brattishness and children assuming they have a right to get things without asking / thanking.

I had to write the 'MMTM' as lines when at school when I was a bit cheeky to a teacher - bet that can't be done these days!!

My children are obnoxious wretches, but they have lovely manners. It gives people something to be complimentary about .

I agree that the sentiment is more important than the words mrsjammi, but sometimes the words have to be said even when not meant. So it's a good idea to get into the habit. If someone gives you a terrible b'day present, honesty might compel you to tell them so, manners would demand that you don't.

Sorry - not mrsjammi! Mrsrufflo.

mrsj - I do agree re a 14yr old btw.

YABtotallyU - IMO teaching children good manners is as important as teaching them that hitting etc is wrong. To me your theory is as crazy as a recent one where some parents didn't believe in disciplining children for things like hitting or kicking but instead wanted them to firstly understand why they shouldn't do it.

Equipping children with basic social skills that may initially be ingrained so that they know how to behave (before they necessarily start to understand why) is surely one of a parent's main responsibilities? It sounds very Daily Mail (not me at all) but IMO this is one of the things leading to problems in society, a lack of respect (or perceived lack of respect) for others in young people.

Yabvu.

I say that with great respect of course.

I can't abide rudeness.

Thank you for asking.

Manners are all about considering other people's feelings and that has to be one of the most important things you can teach your children.

Was going to say very similar to Prm, above. YABU, and manners aren't genuine sentiment, they're manners, it's different. They ease things along socially, spread a bit of pleasure amongst people who have been thanked / apologised too, and are great. Ask my dad, who works in a shop, what it is like to have great fistfuls of the complimentary sweets grabbed by children who don't ask or say thanks, and whose parents don't either. It doesn't really make anyone feel good.

Orm, above, not Prm, whoever she is...