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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

720 replies

memoo · 17/05/2009 14:59

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

OP posts:
JoPie · 17/05/2009 15:04

People are idiots, end of. YANBU to be pissed off, but you should try and forget about it if she has been put straight.

Amanda1977 · 17/05/2009 15:04

Did the parent not think to explain that this is how babies are fed and that if he saw Mrs 's boobies it was completely natural and nothing to be silly about?!??!?!

Original poster
memoo · 17/05/2009 15:07

Amanda, it was the parent who was complaining

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 17/05/2009 15:10

What a saddo that complaining parent is.

I'm surprised the Head actually phoned your friend. Would have been much better for him/her to put said parent in their place and say no more about it.

Honestly, some people are weird.

unfitmother · 17/05/2009 15:10

Unbelievable!

Original poster
memoo · 17/05/2009 15:19

I really worry about things like this because I am pregnant with number 3 and despite 2 failed attempts at breastfeeding I am determined to BF this one no matter what.

I am nervous about the thought of breast feeding in public but thought people were pretty much in favour of it. I can't believe that some people still have such a negative attitude.

if somebody said anything to me about bfing in public I don't know how i'd cope with it.

OP posts:
bigstripeytiger · 17/05/2009 15:20

I agree, its strange for the head to feel the need to pass this on to your friend. The other parent is the one with the problem, and really their unusual complaint has nothing to do with your friend, IYSWIM

Amanda1977 · 17/05/2009 15:24

My DD is 6 months now and I really struggled with BF (for various reasons inc Mother in Law!) and was lucky in that at all the friends' houses we visited their kids had been brought up to accept that this was the norm/how some babies are fed and three yr olds would think nothing of stroking my baby's head while she was attached to me and although had anticipated some remarks from kids they never asked a question! For a parent to be so hostile is beyond belief! I would imagine she has issues....

RedCharityBonney · 17/05/2009 15:29

I'm rolling my eyes at the stupidity of anti-bfers. A LOT.
It's very stupid, and you're not wrong to feel annoyed for your friend, but I think you're reaction is a bit intense considering this happened to her and not you.
Easy tiger!

misdee · 17/05/2009 15:33

this is the sort of thing i worry about when i take dd4 into school assemby when my older children are showing off their work.

mind you i have breastfed i nfront of all my dd's teachers/keyworkers as dd4 has impeccable timing.

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 15:35

mmoo, I have never had a negative comment from strangers, please don't be nervous about that. If anyone does say anything, well that's their problem.

AitchTwoOh · 17/05/2009 15:37

i'd be more pissed off at the head teacher, tbh. she should have handled this idiot parent without upsetting your friend.

memoo, good luck next time. i did much better with dd2 than with dd1, who knows i might have completely cracked it this time had dd2 not been prem?

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 15:41

was the friend not told just in case it came up again? does she teach this child? doesn't sound as though the head was being at all critical, but if she's going to return from ML to be called Ms Boobie then she'd probably like to know why

AitchTwoOh · 17/05/2009 15:51
Grin
MANATEEequineOHARA · 17/05/2009 15:56

Oh ffs, this kind of thing makes me absolutely mad with rage! I worked in a Debenhams for a short while, some idiotic girl who worked there said if she ever saw a customer breastfeed she would tell her to stop because it is 'wrong and disgusting'- cue disgusted rant from me that I actually find the sight of babies bottlefed disturbing (I know for some it is not a choice, but that does not stop me feeling uneasy at the sight of it), and then went =in to explain I bf my dd in public until she was 2.
Memoo Goodluck with breastfeeding this baby. I always made sure to catch the eye of anyone who was looking and smile, with my array of facts at the ready should they respond negatively. (Like that the average age to breastfeed to in the world is 4 years and something like 9 months, can't remember exactly now, but it is 4 years something) Luckily that never happened, often people said it is nice to see someone bf an older baby though

BitOfFun · 17/05/2009 15:59

I agree with Aitch- the Head is stirring...

katiestar · 17/05/2009 16:03

Unfortunately I can believe this.We had a similar thing at our playgroup.

A parent breastfed her baby at circle time (ironically while the children were being addressed by a doctor about healthy living).The playgroup leader ordered her to 'go out to do that' in front of all the children (including her DS),the staff and the doctor.
When taken to task the leader said she had had complaints from parents who didn't want their children seeing that kind of thing and ..horror of horrors their Dc had been lifting up tehir tops to feed their dollies

OlympedeGouges · 17/05/2009 16:06

oh god I despair I really do. Is it a British thing or are Europeans like this? I seriously doubt it.

BitOfFun · 17/05/2009 16:08

Oh, and YABU to be upset and angry- I would be laughing at what a wanker that parent must be...people like that are not worth your energy.

jellybeans · 17/05/2009 16:14

That' awful. I am bf my 6 month old and my kids see it as normal now. I explained that it was normal and natural and that formula milk is breastmilk too.. but that of a cow. I also explain that bf is hard at times and so sometimes people use formula (as I did with my older ones after bf for abit), so hopefully they won't think anything of either choice.

I wish kids grew up seeing breasts used for their original purpose not just as sexual objects (only in the fake form of course) for men. I would be very happy if someone bf in front of my kids at school. I ish more people did it in public. I rarely do as am nervous of reactions and DS doesn't just go on, he fafs about for abit.

Original poster
memoo · 17/05/2009 16:32

I think the head phoned her more to warn her about this trouble making parent. She will be returning to work in 3 weeks and this parent has a reputation for making a fuss about things anyway.

The head put the parent straight and told her that she would always welcome BFing mums in our school. Apparently this parent wasn't happy with heads response and has threaten to write to the govenours

I have waited so long to have this baby and I am determined to do the best for her. I am nervous about not being able to get BFing right again.

I watch my friend BF'd her DD, she has been showing me how to properly latch on. I think her bf'ing her baby is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

I really can't even begin to comprehend how some people think it is disgusting.

I have always told my DC 8 and 10 that babies get their milk from their mummy's breast. They already know that this is what I will be doing with this baby, I'd hate for them to grow up thinking that there was something wrong with it.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 17/05/2009 16:34

What a right pair of planks ('offended parent' and HM)... pathetic.

Katiestar - that is even more unbelievable - our playgroup is full of BF mothers - as it should be. Of all places, what a daft place for someone to be offended?! LOL

Memoo - just practice 'Fuck off and mind your own business'....

TheCrackFox · 17/05/2009 16:36

What on Earth does this idiotic parent want the governors to do? Become the first school in the country to ban breastfeeding on its premises? What a twunt.

bigstripeytiger · 17/05/2009 16:38

My GPs has a notice up that says "Breastfeeding is best for babies. If anyone in the waiting room is breastfeeding and you are uncomfortable with this please approach the reception desk and we will find you an alternative room to wait in"
I think that strikes the right note.

Flocci · 17/05/2009 16:41

For goodness sake, if you could just all get off your high horses and stop lecturing the world on the wonders of Bfing etc etc can you not stop and see it from someone else's POV?

A child has gone home and been silly and giggly and the parent has reacted - how old was this child? I think I would be worried of my 4yo came home and said they had seen this - they don't know much about babies and bfing and I am not really in a hurry to teach them. When I want to I will, but I am not sure I want them to see this going on in the corner of their classroom at school. yes it is great and natural, but that is not what my child goes to school for.

This parent hasn't said there is something wrong with bfing, but just doesn't particularly want their child to see it at school.

I know I am wasting my breath, but can't you see that in doing a very good job of promoting bfing and making it socially acceptable you can go to far and put people off by ramming it in their face? I know that's not what has happened here, I can see that, but there is a difference betwen discretion and hiding away. FFS why didn't this teacher go in the staffroom?