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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

720 replies

memoo · 17/05/2009 14:59

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

OP posts:
Plonker · 17/05/2009 18:18

I'm not sure I'm following you there Morris - are you saying there is shame involved with breastfeeding in public?

Oh, and I've never seen a naked breasfeeder yet ...

Plonker · 17/05/2009 18:19

breastfeeder even ...

Plonker · 17/05/2009 18:22

Flocci - what exactly would worry you about your ds seeing a mother breastfeeding her child? Genuine question.

TeaOneSugar · 17/05/2009 18:23

Slighly off topice I'm afraid, but my favourite bf story.

When I was on mat leave I used to take my dd to a breastfeeding support group, anyway, one week a retired fireman came in to talk to us about fire safety at home.

During the talk more and more babies started to bf, until by the end about 8 or so mothers were sitting a circle around him bf, bless him he carried on regardless but didn't really know where to look!!

TeaOneSugar · 17/05/2009 18:24

what's a topice???

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:24

I've said repeatedly that there is no shame in bf or any other bodily function.

What possible shame could there be?

I love my body and I'm not ashamed of it. But I do have 'private parts'.

nooka · 17/05/2009 18:25

I don't think that we poo/pee in privacy because it is shameful to be seen. I think that we poo/pee in private because it is smelly, and because specialist equipment is required to rid of the products (in the UK anyway). Now if the mother had pooed in the corner of the classroom I would think the parent had every right to complain .

AitchTwoOh · 17/05/2009 18:27

Morris, i think with bfing the one thing you can't predict is how you'll feel about it when you do it. it's pretty overwhelming, and rather quashes silly concerns about where you should do it etc. having children does make you see that things like getting het up over a bit of briefly naked tit are a bit teenage.

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 18:27

I do see what you mean about the privacy MZ, if you prefer privacy then fair enough, but you can breastfeed as discreetly as you want to - your private parts remain private.
I can understand why a 4yo would giggle, but I think the lack of exposure to bf as a natural normal way to feed a baby from a young age has a lot to do with poor uptake.

jellybeans · 17/05/2009 18:34

teaonesugar I love your story can just imagine it!

CherryChoc · 17/05/2009 18:35

But that's silly, Morris. You do private and sexual things with your hands, at times, that you wouldn't do in public. Yet there is nothing wrong with hands being seen and we don't all think "OMG that person has masturbated with those fingers!" when we see someone using their hands. Granted we don't usually keep our hands covered - but using one body part for two functions, it is logical (to me) that there can be different degrees of privacy at different times.

Also I don't think going to the toilet is shameful, but it is unpleasant to watch and it could certainly be described as dirty - or why do we wash our hands afterwards?

Sorry this took me ages to type out!

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:40

Thanks for going easy guys, I know I'm hopelessly ill placed to have much of an opinion anyway as I've never bf'ed.

But I have witnessed my sister (bless her) dangling her tits in mid air here, there and everywhere when she was bfing my neice. I thought my sis was and is a fantastic mum and it's entirely up to her how she does it, but I remember thinking dear christ, I will never dangle my loose tit in front of my dad - I just won't, and I know being a mum won't change this.

It's just how I am.

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:42

Cherry, we bath and shower in private too - no dirt or unpleasant smells there.

katiestar · 17/05/2009 18:44

Do we ?
Not at gym/pools i go to ?

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 18:46

but MZ you can breastfeed in public in a way so as to definitely keep your private parts private, if it's that important to you.
But most people are a bit more pragmatic - they'd rather not flash boob but if they do it's not the end of the world. Feeding your baby and maintaining some semblence of normality (carrying on with what you were doing rather than hiding away for the duration of the feed) is more important.

OlympedeGouges · 17/05/2009 18:47

Well generally you don't need to dangle Morris. You don't need to look either.
But you know I thought I would never be able to breastfeed in front of my dad. that soon changed when first dc came along. He needed to feed, my dad was there, and that was it. My dad wasn't bothered in the slightest. I even fed in front of my father in law, and even he soon got used to it. It is a normal thing. You can't really compare it to showering or bathing. the baby is eating. Compare it to eating. And the breast, when the baby is eating, is not on display!

AitchTwoOh · 17/05/2009 18:54

i needed to expose my tits quite a lot to get dd2 latched on, because i was never very good at bfing. i swear, you really Do Not Give A Shit when it's your milk and your baby who is crying.

i would be mortified to expose my breasts to my pals now, but i know they copped an eyeful when i was feeding the dds. it's a very different thing, your breasts aren't really the same creatures. or at least that's how i felt anyway.

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:54

I totally take on all your points and I agree. But I did see my sisters dangling boobs so often I thought they were my own after a while.

I know I would care a lot less if it was me with a hungry baby to feed, but I know myself and I know I will never dangle in front of any of my relatives, male or female. Once feeding is underway I don't care who sees. Especially as it usually silences a screaming baby.

Catitainahatita · 17/05/2009 18:56

In Mexico women breastfed in the street, on the bus, in the supermarket, in the park, at the swimming pool, on the beach, whereever and when ever is necessary. Nobody bats at eyelid. Not once.

But, they don't have page three girls. In general most people (away from tourist areas) don't wear bikinis, or even normal swimming costumes. They tend to go for a t-shirt and short combo. Mexicans then seem more modest that the British about their bodies.

I have lived in Mexico for nigh on 9 years now. This debate gets stranger and stranger to me. I just don't get it. When you bf you don't show off your boobs at all, usually the baby's head/body is the way. If people can see them, it is because they are looking REALLY hard to see them. And what does that say about them?

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:56

I'm ttc so we can open the bets on 'Morris's tits: will she care when it's her?' as and when

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 18:56

Aitch, I think a lot of women do feel uncomfortable about it - after all someone must buy those hooter hiders
But you don't have to - 3 weeks of not going out followed by a strategically placed muslin (don't buy a hooter hider) should sort it - IF you want to.

AitchTwoOh · 17/05/2009 18:58

stop saying dangle, it's gross, and you're doing it on purpose. and why was she dangling them in your face? she wasn't feeding you presumably.

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 18:58

Put me down for a week of muslin-over-the-shoulder followed by public but discreet breastfeeding.

AitchTwoOh · 17/05/2009 18:59

i think people buy hooter hiders because they have family members who over-use the word dangle...

piscesmoon · 17/05/2009 19:00

'I'd naturally seek out peace and privacy to do so.'

She did! She went quietly to the book corner. I bf in front of anyone who came to the house and on trains etc. There is really nothing to see. I wasn't going to shut myself off and not go about normal life for the best part of a year. OP was talking about young babies-she would have had to talk about feeding.I never had a bottle in the house so I wouldn't have mentioned them when talking to a class of DCs with my baby.