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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

720 replies

memoo · 17/05/2009 14:59

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 19:03

hooter hiders debate here - please join in

Biscuits4Cheese · 17/05/2009 19:07

I would love to see the day that people like Flocci and MOH can chill the fuck out about how babies are fed.
Until then perhaps they should learn a bit of discretion and keep their own issues to themselves?
This thread makes me think that all primary classes should host a mother and breastfeeding baby. Might help to limit the Flocci's of the future.

JustcallmeDog · 17/05/2009 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsTittleMouse · 17/05/2009 19:16

Morris - I'll echo everyone else in saying that you never know how you'll feel until you get there. And also that breastfeeding can (and usually is) so discrete that a lot of people won't even know that you're doing it. I was very concerned about showing flesh. In fact, I would say that it was my biggest worry. So I breastfed in front of a mirror a few times until I was convinced that there was nothing on display. If I had only gone out when I knew that there was somewhere private I would have stayed at home for 10 months and gone quietly mad (or perhaps not so quietly).

Going completely off topic, I really am in two minds about women who are very open about breastfeeding (intentionally I mean, not with a newborn or a baby who struggles with fast flow or fidgets). On the one hand, I can see that it is completely none of my business how another woman choses to feed her baby and why should I project my hang ups on her. But I have heard a lot of women say that seeing a friend or relative feed in a (I need a better word that brazen here, but you know what I mean - stripping off to the waist in the way that MZ has described) has really put them off breastfeeding, which is a real shame.

MrsTittleMouse · 17/05/2009 19:18

Should emphasise again that I don't think that that's what the OP Mum was doing at all, she was just very quietly feeding in a area away from the children, so the whole discrete argument doesn't apply to her in the slightest.

And apologies for bringing up what I know is a whole MN can of worms.

hercules1 · 17/05/2009 19:18

She was feeding her child not snorting cocaine fgs. Blimey, some people.

chaya5738 · 17/05/2009 19:21

I really don't understand this debate at all. Surely if people like Morris feel uncomfortable by other people breastfeeding then they should be the one to leave the room/public place not the mother. And if Morris feels uncomfortable breastfeeding is public then that is ok too -she can choose to breastfeed privately.

Ultimately, it is their issue not the breastfeeding mother's. I would never ask someone to stop eating in a restaurant because it made me feel uncomfortable somehow.

katiestar · 17/05/2009 19:22

Mprris to be fair when you are inexperienced with breastfeeding and so is the baby,then didcreet b/feeding can be a lot more difficult.My first baby was quite small and lethrgic and a very reluctant feeder.It could be quite difficult and frustrating getting him to latch on and clothes were just another obstacle.So maybe I couldn't be as discreet as some would have liked.
B/F may be a nnatural thing to do but it isn't that easy for everyone particularly in the early stages.

Flocci · 17/05/2009 19:26

B4C your eloquence does you credit. I would love to see the day that people can express an opinion without being sworn at.

chaya5738 · 17/05/2009 19:27

Hang on a second, Flocci. Weren't you the one who say "FFS" earlier?

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 19:27

katiestar, but it's possible to almost cut out the risk of showing anything if you want to - home for 3 weeks and then hooter hider. Wouldn't be my choice but it is possible!

abraid · 17/05/2009 19:28

To the poster who said Europeans are more relaxed about breastfeeding...

sadly not. The French don't bother much with it. It always puzzles me because they're so keen on good food and nutrition.

Flocci · 17/05/2009 19:30

I did indeed, but FFS is a general expletive not aimed at any individual. Somewhat different to being told to chill the fuck out and then someone saying that people like me should hopefully be "limited".

Plonker · 17/05/2009 19:30

Ah, seeing as your back Flocci, is there any change you could answer my question at 18:22:04

Plonker · 17/05/2009 19:31

that would be chance

KERALA1 · 17/05/2009 19:31

Gosh both mine fed for hours when tiny so I would have gone utterly crazy if confined at home or to "private" places. 6 months of sitting in public loos - no thanks.

I have fed on buses, in cafes. Even collected a prise in a raffle whilst breastfeeding [gtin] . It is possible to be discreet if it bothers you but agree with other posters why on earth should you be? I have only ever had one comment and that at a private party from a very grand old lady which I just put down to her having incredibly outdated views. Sad that actually those views still prevalent.

chaya5738 · 17/05/2009 19:34

Well Flocci, if saying that people like you should "chill the f--- out" is seen as being aimed at an individual and not a general expletive then I think writing "FFS why didn't this teacher go in the staffroom?" could be seen as being aimed at an individual too. Pot meet kettle.

Gunnerbean · 17/05/2009 19:37

If the woman with the baby (who was the guest) had said her piece, showed off her baby or whatever and knew it was getting close to her baby's feeding time, why didn't she just quietly make her excuses to the class teacher and leave? Surely the baby could have waited until she got out to her car?

I really don't think there was a need for this woman to have breastfed her baby in the corner of the classroom.

If my child had come home and told me that the woman had done this I wouldn't have felt the need to complain about it but I would still have thought why couldn't she have left the classroom and gone and done it in her car, or in the staffroom.

It's got nothiong to do with making a stand because it's nothing to be ashamed of. Children of age 4 and 5 will natrually stare and titter and become distracted by anyone or anything that comes into their classroom which is not in the normal run of things to them and even if this woman was in the corner doing it discretely, it would still cause a distraction and I bet all eyes were on her.

You asked for opinions and I think YABU to get so sanctimonious about this. Whilst BFing a baby might be perfectly natural and nothing whasoever to be ashamed of, it's not appropriate to do it in a school classroom during a lesson IMHO.

No need for it at all.

Flocci · 17/05/2009 19:38

Plonker, I would be worried about my child seeing that in the classroom unexplained and unexpected because they have never seen anything like that and I know they are both quite immature, especially about body issues. Perhaps if it were part of a talk about babies or the human body and it was explained to them I wouldn't mind so much. And if I knew it was going to happen I would talk to them about it too. But it is not a thing that they see all around them everyday - much as most of MN would like it to be - so I would like some input into explaining it to them so they understand that it is normal and natural etc etc

Flocci · 17/05/2009 19:40

Wow Gunnerbean - as the only person on here who appears to understand what I am saying I am actually wondering if you are for real or just taking the mickey out of me? I hope you are for real and thank goodness that someone else can see my point.

Thunderduck · 17/05/2009 19:40

Right because hiding it away from them will teach them that it's normal and natural.

The idea of teaching children about babies but not what they eat makes me laugh.
We can be so ridiculously prudish at times. I see more flesh displayed on the cover of magazines than I have ever seen when I've been in the presence of a breastfeeding mother.

daftpunk · 17/05/2009 19:41

i wouldn't have b/f in a classroom..no way.

chaya5738 · 17/05/2009 19:42

Gunnerbean: can you explain why it is "not appropriate to do it in a school classroom." Assertion is not argument.

wotulookinat · 17/05/2009 19:42

I think YABU. Not everyone wants their child to see it. There were other places your friend could have gone.

FrannyandZooey · 17/05/2009 19:43

i would say bfing during a lesson about 'growing' was about as appropriate as you can get