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Original poster

To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

720 replies

memoo · 17/05/2009 14:59

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 17/05/2009 17:34

'But do these idiotic parents ever stop to think about what the teachers (and management) say about them in the staff room? '

I don't think it crosses their minds! I wouldn't like to be the staffroom joke.

moondog · 17/05/2009 17:37

'FFS why didn't this teacher go in the staffroom?'

Flocci, are you not feeling well?

BalloonSlayer · 17/05/2009 17:41

Flocci, when you breastfeed a child, you are certainly "ramming it in their face" - that's how you do it, you know .

All my three DCs have had my tits rammed in their face, and I have had my Mum's too.

No other kids have. And yes, I am being pedantic, because it's important. Those children were NOT having breastfeeding, or breasts, or anything else "rammed in their face." They were being in a room where a breastfed baby was being fed.

I was asked by a teacher at our school if I would bring my new baby in to bath for the class to watch. It didn't happen actually (although it did the year before with someone else's baby) but would you have thought it inappropriate for a bunch of five year olds to see my baby's bottom?

FFS!

Sorry Flocci, I shouldn't have focused on you, you're not the complaining parent.

FabulousBakerGirl · 17/05/2009 17:43

Or is she????????

katiestar · 17/05/2009 17:44

that is not what my child goes to school for.

Your child goes to school to learn.Without trawling through the thread I think teh OP said the topic was growing and the baby had been invited in for that purpose.
How can you learn about babies without learning about how they feed feeding
.Would you learn about snails or sharks and leave out not be told what they eat ?
If you are uncomfortable about your child seeing breastfeeding then you must view it with sexual connotations ,if not why don't you want him/her to see it ?

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2009 17:46

so using the sandwich analogy, how would you have felt about a baby being bottle fed?

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 17:52

I sympathise with flocci. I don't have kids, but if I did and I was bfing, I'd naturally seek out peace and privacy to do so. Why would I want to bf in a room of thirty kids when there's a quiet room with privacy available? Each to their own of course.

Of course bf isn't dirty or shameful, it's natural and healthy. But it involves a part of the body that we usually keep covered, and that does cause kids to giggle and say things like 'boobies'. I'm not convinced about kids seeing their teacher (even when she has left) bfing. Not becuase it is wrong or shameful, but because I just think it crosses a line of professionalism.

I know I'm never gonna win this on MN but I often think, going to the toilet is neither dirty nor shameful, but we choose to do it behind a locked door as it is an intimate, private act, as is showering and bathing.

I don;t think people should bf behind locked doors of course, but 'it's natural' doesn't always equate with 'it's appropriate'.

junglist1 · 17/05/2009 17:55

How the fuck can a parent complain about breastfeeding. Go and recommend she gets a job as a traffic warden, it would suit her interfering busybody precious too much time on hands nature down to the ground.

Plonker · 17/05/2009 17:56

But school is about learning, right?

For those children who haven't 'witnessed' a mother breastfeeding her child, isn't it a good thing that they saw that? Doesn't it help to normalise it? Doesn't it teach them that that is what breasts are for? Particularly because many won't have seen it before?

From what OP says, there was no 'ramming into faces' - the mother sat quietly in the corner, doing with her breasts exactly what mother nature intended her to to. Where on earth is the problem??

Very strange arguement

katiestar · 17/05/2009 17:57

The reason kids giggle and whisper is because they are not accustomed to seeing it.Isn't that what we need to change.

OlympedeGouges · 17/05/2009 17:57

feeding a baby is an ordinary, practical act. If children had seen it before it would be a normal to them as watching TV. The fact that breastfeeding is such an unusual sight in public places is an indictment of our society.

Plonker · 17/05/2009 17:58

Morris - how can you compare an infant feeding to taking a dump?

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:02

My point is about shame - nobody feels ashamed about showering or going to the loo, but becuase these involve exposing otherwise private parts of our anatomy we do them in private.

I don't think that they equate with bf at all, my point is that just becuase something is a natural, normal health requirement doesn't mean it is always publicly appropriate.

I know nobody will agree - I'm cool with that!

TheCrackFox · 17/05/2009 18:03

Morris if you do go on to have DCs and think that you will need peace and quiet for BF you will probably not leave the house for a year, which is quite conducive to developing PND.

If you go on to have more than one baby you will never have any quietness to BF subsequent babies. Toddlers are bloody noisy but babies can feed quiet happily whilst an older child is playing a toy drum

junglist1 · 17/05/2009 18:05

But surely a mum would be less judgey than an old man, IYSWIM.

nooka · 17/05/2009 18:05

My dd often breastfed her dolls. I thought it was lovely (it was slightly surprising with her large collection of stuffed animals, but then when you marry a large stuffed dog perhaps it is not surprising that your offspring are mostly small stuffed dogs ).

My children are even now at 8 and 10 fairly nonchalant about seeing breastfeeding mothers (if they notice) and they are well and truly in the giggling stage. At four or five I would have expected them to be interested and nothing more. Maybe that's because they've seen dh and me in the nude enough not to think bodies are shameful though?

chegirl · 17/05/2009 18:06

I have bf all my 3 birth children. I have never had a negative comment but maybe I am lucky (or just too well ard looking).

You have to try quite hard to flash your boobs whilst feeding and I think people who complain are imagining what they 'might' see rather than what is actually on show.

Its all a bit pathetic and I certainly wouldnt feed my child in a toilet. I wouldnt give my older kids a sandwich in a toilet either.

Kids giggle and whisper about all manner of things. Should we ban everything that may raise a silly comment? Lets not ever mention toilets, bottoms, kissing, poo in front of children hey?

I think the head should have dealt with it and NOT phoned your friend. Maybe it wasnt deliberate stirring but its certainly had that affect.

Load of old bolllox.

Thunderduck · 17/05/2009 18:08

For those who are offended by the exposure of so called private parts during breastfeeding, surely using an artifical nipple, a bottle, is then the equivalent of whipping out a dildo?

bigstripeytiger · 17/05/2009 18:10

Morris: It probably depends how you feed the baby. It doesnt have to involve the exposure of private parts! The baby covers almost everything.

violethill · 17/05/2009 18:10

I'm afraid some parents are deliberate shit stirrers. Usually the ones who have too much time on their hands.

FabulousBakerGirl · 17/05/2009 18:10

What?!?!

No!!

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:11

I have no intention of staying indoors for a year if I do have a DC (although I'm nervous with babies as a rule and know I'd never be a 'strap on the papoose and go hiking' type of mum), my family are all cool with bf and so are all the local cafes etc. I have no problem with it.

But if I had a choice of a classroom or a staffroom, I think I'd gravitate to the staffroom. Not becuase I'm ashamed or repressed or anything like that - I'd just take the peace if it was offered. It's just me and I don;t for a minute expect others to feel the same.

chaya5738 · 17/05/2009 18:12

Morris:

But adults aren't forced to eat their meals in private so why should a baby?

And some people have such terrible table manners that I feel quite repulsed at restaurants but I would never complain to management about them.

The analogy with going to the toilet is so completely wrong I can't even begin to respond.

MorrisZapp · 17/05/2009 18:17

Does a baby have a care or opinion about privacy either way? They just want mum's boob, which they get.

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying I think bf should be done in private, and I know that mostly you can't even tell if somebody is bf anyway.

MIAonline · 17/05/2009 18:18

There are lots of things children haven't seen or heard before in school, it is called learning. those children were fortunate enough to see a normal, everyday human behaviour. The parent should be grateful the school take their learning needs so seriously and that their child was given the opportunity to learn something new.

And as for flocci saying 'A child has gone home and been silly and giggly and the parent has reacted - how old was this child? I think I would be worried of my 4yo came home and said they had seen this'
worried about a child seeing a parent breastfeeding their baby? We do live in a very strange world.