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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

720 replies

memoo · 17/05/2009 14:59

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 18/05/2009 18:11

i didn't see that one, i did watch a bit of the one with the boot-faced mum and the wee girl who was clearly miserable at the prospect of an adopted sib. how sad that a poxy social worker has so much power at that stage.

tiktok · 18/05/2009 18:35

loveoneson, what are you on about?

So if you don't use a 'small cloth' or 'blanket' to cover your breasts, you are showing off and wanting people to look at you???

How does this 'small cloth' or 'blanket' thing work? What if the baby does not want to eat under it? Or if you only cover your breast with it and not the baby, how do you hold this small cloth actually in position?

And who are you protecting if you manage this feat of dexterity with the cloth?

Idiots who think someone bf without one is 'showing off'?

Pathetic indeed

tiktok · 18/05/2009 18:36

I dont think the social workers were against the gay guys. They had to find the right kid - and these guys had a lot of horses which were very important to them. I gathered this could be an issue - it would have to be a kid who was ok with horses.

hellywobs · 18/05/2009 18:41

Why did the school bother to pass this message on? They should have politely ignored (is that a contradiction in terms?) the parent who complained. If a parent does complain to the governors, the governors should tell the parent to f off as well.

And as for the GP's waiting room, they shouldn't accept that people should be offended. If people are offended they shold move, not the mum. Why would they be? People bf discreetly right - they don't hang their "boobies" out - if you can't see anything how can it possibly be offensive? It shouldn't be offensive if you can see anything, but there's no reason to show anything with the multitude of scarves and bf tops around these days.

tiktok · 18/05/2009 18:50

hellywobs, there was a poster here yesterday who talked about being annoyed because women 'dangled' their breasts....

It does make me think of Christmas baubles, or tinkling bells.

I mean, how do you 'dangle' when you feed? Wouldn't it annoy the baby?

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2009 18:56

This has really made me realise how many people have issues with breastfeeding in public, I never thought it was so many
Also lots of people who have bf still seem to think that it's something slightly dirty...

treedelivery · 18/05/2009 19:01

I'm a bit too. I thought we were getting somewhere with all this in society. I am obviously living in a 'midwife and just had a baby' bubble.

Oh why do I bother????????? TikTok remind me, you always seem motivated and enthusiastic. Please?

treedelivery · 18/05/2009 19:02

As in - why do I put time and effort and soul into helping women establish bf, just to have someone think they are a boobie dangler and want them to hide under a blanket.

How fucking demoralising.

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2009 19:05

It annoys me that I seem to tell a lot of women who are nervous about bfip that it's fine, no one notices, and if they do they don't care when actually that isn't the truth. People are noticing and judging.

katiestar · 18/05/2009 19:05

On the plus side their were about 29 sets of parents who DIDN'T complain. Maybe that says the complainant is a nutter louder than anything.

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2009 19:16

very true, or did they just not hear about it?

MarlaSinger · 18/05/2009 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OlympedeGouges · 18/05/2009 19:21

no i don't think the social workers were against them but even the presenter said at the end he wasn't sure, maybe the fact that they were two men was an issue, but yes, the horses were another factor. Not convinced the fact that they were two men had nothing to do with it though.

sachertorte · 18/05/2009 19:26

Ít´s an incredible world. People nochalently flash their page 3 in public every day on their way to work and noone would ever complain. But God forbid a woman feed a baby on the same bus/train/tram.. well, the breast is just so OFFENSIVE, so DIRTY, good Lord the mother should be ashamed, doing such a thing!

The saddest saddest thing on this thread is those women who did successfully bf claiming that someone might be reasonable to complain about bfeeding. How on earth can this come about?!

But TreeDelivery and co, don´t lose hope, you can just see the extent to which you are needed. It´s an uphill battle : (

AliGrylls · 18/05/2009 19:28

I don't think there is anything wrong with breastfeeding publicly- in fact, I am all for it. I think there is a bit of a funny attitude in the UK to breast feeding. On the one hand there is a group of women who are saying breast feeding is the only way ahead but then as soon as a boob comes out it is joked about, smutty comments are made, we are told to cover up and that boobs are for men's pleasure only. It is such a conflicting message. Why don't we all just talk to our children openly about what breasts are really for, ie, feeding babies not for men's pleasure.

FrannyandZooey · 18/05/2009 19:42

i tried to feed ds really terribly discreetly under a small cloth last week - i always intend to feed discreetly, although ds has other ideas...but this time a 13 year old boy was a guest in my house and tbh, i thought he might just be entitled to feel a bit embarrassed and not now how to handle it

anyway
ds was ENRAGED
he thrashed about
he yelled
he grabbed the cloth and chucked it
he spat out the breast giving everyone a nice eyeful (almost literally but luckily i don't tend to squirt these days)

i think i will stick to good old fashioned showy off breastfeeding next time - less upsetting for everyone

AbricotsSecs · 18/05/2009 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morloth · 18/05/2009 20:13

Oh God F&Z - the first time I read through your post I read "DS" as "DH"

AitchTwoOh · 18/05/2009 20:27

it would be interesting if not entirely in the MN school spirit, i think, to cross refer those who find public bfing icky and those who think that Jordan is to be admired as a successful businesswoman and hard-working mother. i'm pretty sure i've seen some of the same names.

FrannyandZooey · 18/05/2009 20:38

norty aitch

AitchTwoOh · 18/05/2009 20:42

i genuinely think it might throw some light on why some people are so screwed up about their bodies. i mean let's face it, it's not just bfing, ssoooooo many women feel so shit about their bodies in general. i worry about it for the dds.

nooka · 18/05/2009 20:45

I think that's a fundamental thing people miss with the "little blanket" idea, that actually in order to cover up your breast you have to cover up your baby too, which means a)you can't see what you are doing, and may well get the latch wrong, and b)your baby can't see you, which he/she may find very upsetting. I did carry around a shawl for emergencies, but I can remember it being a real hassle, even though both my children were pretty efficient feeders. A portable tent would be a better concept really - then it could be offered as a courtesy for anyone with issues to hide in

nooka · 18/05/2009 21:07

I agree Aitch, I think the "body beautiful" will be the biggest feminist issue for our daughters to have to deal with. I hope to counter it by showing both my children my imperfect body whenever I feel like it, and making sure that they know that despite it's imperfectness I am happy to live within it. I hope this will help them in the same vein (the fact that they have beautiful bodies themselves should help, I hope!)

AitchTwoOh · 18/05/2009 21:17

yy. in fact i wonder if it's not bfing tits that people have a problem with, but ugly, non page 3 looking normal tits? it may have nothing to do with bfing at all and everythign to do with a reflection of how fucked up the person is about what constitutes a normal physique. i saw my pal bfing the other day and i admit i was surprised to see how different her nipples were to mine etc etc etc. we just don't see other people's bodies that often, at least not airbrushed etc. it's too bloody cold up here for a start.

nooka · 18/05/2009 21:28

Maybe more general nudity would help? It would have to be a lot warmer though, still we could adopt more of a spa culture like the Scandinavians - I'm sure that's generally sans swimsuits.