Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD to a new school?

392 replies

lyneham · 13/05/2009 18:21

I have started a new job and am moving into a new house closer to the new job, and also moving in with DP

I want to move DD school from September so that it will be easier to drop her off and collect her from before/after school clubs, she is in reception at the moment.

My problem is that DD goes to her Dads house every other week and he has said that he wont agree to a change of school, partly because his DWs DCs go there, and he says it would make it very difficult for school runs for them every other week.

We live in a city and it would be about 2 miles, AIBU to want to make my life easier?

OP posts:
posieparker · 13/05/2009 22:25

Apparently moving schools costs a child 6 months....But at such a young age I'm sure it wouldn't matter.
If your XH wanted to move her to make his life easier would you?

I think YAB a little U.

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/05/2009 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2009 22:36

Lyneham I have to say people with your attitude stink! I have 2 ds's and 2 step ds's they are all brothers as I have ds2 with my step ds's dad, he is dad to ds1, if not his father. Even if they don't live with me they are brothers none the less.

You need to stop using your dd as a weapon in YOUR game, she is not asking to be a part of it. Don't use her for your benefit she is a child not a toy!

Her DF has a right to see his dd just as you do, if I am right she was born after 2003 and therefore he has automatic parental responsibility so don't be so sure that dd "belongs with you" he has as much "right" over her as you. If he choses to take you to court, from what you have said i cannot see any reason why he would not be granted joint custody in a court. However if he was to get wind of this he would be able to use it against you.

Like it or not his dp's children are in all sense your dd's siblings whether half, step, adopted or any other way. I guess you just have to get used to it. And while you are moaning that you did not want joint custody think of the children who would dearly love to see their other parent, and stop being so bloody selfish its not all about you, you are an adult and live your life do not screw your daughters life up for your needs.

rant over

Original poster
lyneham · 13/05/2009 22:37

Also, can exH demand to meet DP/demand details about him before he moves in?

exH is controlling, he keeps asking questions about DP and says he has a right to know a bit about the person who will be sharing a house with DD, and possibly meet him. I told him he cant as DP has seen what all the residency arguments have done to me and so he is very angry with exH. It's lime he wont trust me to make appropriate decisions about DDs welfare.

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 13/05/2009 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/05/2009 22:41

Lyneham, have you met his partner?

gigglinggoblin · 13/05/2009 22:44

He cannot demand details about your dp but fgs grow up. Your dp is living with his daughter, why wouldnt he want to know? What is your dp going to do if he meets him? Its sounding worse and worse tbh. Get a grip and stop damaging your daughter

MillyR · 13/05/2009 22:44

Lyneham, why did you agree to joint residency if you wanted DD to live with you all the time? It seems odd that you have gone along with it for 5 months. I can see that as the primary carer you would have been likely to have got primary residency when you first split up, but I cannot see how it could be viewed to be in your DD's interests for you to be allowed primary residency now after she has got used to shared residency.

Have you taken any legal advice?

ChippingIn · 13/05/2009 22:46

Lyneham - did you meet his (now) DW before they had any care of your DD?

I can feel your anger and your pain. It's not what you expect when you have children with someone is it

It is a shite situation for you and I can understand you wanting your DD all the time.

However, I think you need to find a way to deal with how you feel, so it doesn't impact on your relationship with your DD and the way I see it, with this much anger/animosity around her she is going to feel torn and disloyal all the time, to either your or her Dad and really, that's not what you want is it?!

How does your DD feel about the joint residency? If she is happy with it, then I think you need to find a way to make this a positive thing for yourself as well... no matter how hard it may be.

Original poster
lyneham · 13/05/2009 22:46

Of course I have met her, she has even invited me into their house for tea whilst DD gets ready to leave to return home with me. Her DDs even try and chat to me as if I am some kind of aunty or something when I arrive which I find very odd. She even tries to chat in the playground at school on the weeks that DD is with me. exH knows DPs name and that we have been in a relationship for 18 months, surely that is enough?

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 13/05/2009 22:48

I feel sorry for your daughter. Of course her father has a right to know who she will be living with. For Gods sake - this is not about 'you' - whatever issues you have with your ex sort them out. And why on earth do you assume that as a mother you have automatic rights to have full residency ? You need to change your attitude to all of this otherwise you may be in for a rude wake up call in court. That poor little girl - what do you tell her when she talks about her step sisters ?

And yes YABU to think about uprooting her from school to make your life easier.

independiente · 13/05/2009 22:49

I don't think your exH can demand to meet your DP, but I do think he is right to at least make the request. Again, for your daughter's sake, your DP might like to try and contain his anger and meet your daughter's father. It can't be easy for the child living between openly warring households...

Can I add, I think you should try to find a way to dissipate your, albeit understandable, anger at the breakdown of your marriage. It is causing you to make some questionable judgements, of which your DD will feel the effects.

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/05/2009 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 13/05/2009 22:51

i'm starting to hope you're a troll actually. if not dont you think maybe her father's new partner is trying to be civilised for your dd's sake by inviting you in and chatting??

gigglinggoblin · 13/05/2009 22:51

why dont you want to be on good terms with the woman who looks after your dd every other week? What have you got against her kids? Am starting to think this is a wind up

Original poster
lyneham · 13/05/2009 22:51

I didn't feel that I had any choice with the mediation sessions, the mediators agreed that there was no reason why exH shouldn't have joint residency as he moved into the same area as DDs school. I was very upset and told them this, but apparently my feelings didn't count.

According to my solicitor a court case for residency would cost upwards of £10k and I would probably end up with a similar outcome to the current situation. With that in mind I cannot put DD through that.

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 13/05/2009 22:51

Lyneham. This is what your posts sound like.

Me, me, me, me, meee, me, me, me, it's all about me, me, me, me.

Heaven forbid the poor girls actually dare to talk to you. And you were invited in for tea?, that must have been awful for you.
You'd best put a stop to this at once before they actually begin to like you.

I really hope that is a windup because it sounds as though your ex and his partner and her children are making the best of the situation and are trying to make it a positive situation for all concerned. And you sound incredibly selfish.

FFS Grow up!

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 13/05/2009 22:53

well you better put some effort into making the arrangements work in your dd's interests then....

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/05/2009 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MillyR · 13/05/2009 22:58

Lyneham, from what you've said you cannot change the residency arrangements. So you simply have to accept that this is now your life for the next 15 years.

I think you should, for the benefit of your DD and the other girls involved:

  1. Let your ex meet DP.
  2. Have the other girls around your house for tea and eventually maybe a sleep over.
  3. Try to be friends with the new wife.
  4. Leave your daughter in the school.
independiente · 13/05/2009 22:58

Just out of interest, how do you respond to your DD's stepmum and stepsisters when they engage you in conversation?

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 13/05/2009 23:01

like this apparently

Original poster
lyneham · 13/05/2009 23:02

I do try to be polite, but TBH I am just not interested in any of them, other than them being caring to DD. I don't want to be chatty, it makes me uncomfortable to be around them, they are very different to me.

OP posts:
gigglinggoblin · 13/05/2009 23:03

they do sound very different.

Thunderduck · 13/05/2009 23:04

Clearly they are different. They are actually friendly and trying to make it a positive situation for all involved, unlike you.