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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to move DD to a new school?

392 replies

lyneham · 13/05/2009 18:21

I have started a new job and am moving into a new house closer to the new job, and also moving in with DP

I want to move DD school from September so that it will be easier to drop her off and collect her from before/after school clubs, she is in reception at the moment.

My problem is that DD goes to her Dads house every other week and he has said that he wont agree to a change of school, partly because his DWs DCs go there, and he says it would make it very difficult for school runs for them every other week.

We live in a city and it would be about 2 miles, AIBU to want to make my life easier?

OP posts:
KingCanuteIAm · 15/05/2009 22:00

Porto, it took me ages to make sense of your post, I must be getting tired

I think, yes, you are right in what you say. I agree about feelings, I have said a few times you cannot help how you feel but you haveto help what you do.

Weegiemum · 15/05/2009 22:01

One of the big issues I see here is the "Mums are best" idea - and that the OP dd will - "always have a special bond" with her Mummy.

Not true.

I might be pushing 40, but I don't have any relationship with my mother - the deterioration started when she moved out to live with my Dad's best friend, then fought for custody but gave in pretty sharpish when my Dad offered her a lump sum (says its the best money he ever spent) instead.

I have a "special bond" with my Dad, and my mother has done so many things over the years that the excuse to cut this toxic parent out of my life was overwhelmingly welcome.

There is no entitlement to being a "special" parent. You earn it, as my Dad did almost 25 years ago, by doing what is best for your dcs.

RumourOfAHurricane · 15/05/2009 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KingCanuteIAm · 15/05/2009 22:03

Great post Hermione, it is worth bearing in mind that not all children find a move easy, infact some really suffer
I hope your son is doing much better now Hermione.

Ooh.. bar..

KingCanuteIAm · 15/05/2009 22:04

Nice try Shiney - I will leave and let you work your magic - I have a feeling I may be bumping this maore than everyone else put together

PortoPandemico · 15/05/2009 22:06

Well Weegie, i expect you particular circumastances are not common, but i fully agree you with you that you EARN your right to be special.

RumourOfAHurricane · 15/05/2009 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
lyneham · 15/05/2009 22:09

OK, I think this is a completed thread. I genuinely thank all of you who posted your thoughts, opinions and experiences, most of which were not what I wanted to hear! This is the beauty of MN.

I promise to go away and try and think this through from everyone elses POV, especially DDs. I may come back and post again when I come to a decision, or I might just give you all a break from the emotions

Once again, a genuine thank you for all your input.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 15/05/2009 22:10

yerblert, by all means make your points, but lay off the lawyer bashing, will you? You make it sound so personal. It is not.

PortoPandemico · 15/05/2009 22:12

lyneham, think hard, and most importantly remember this is about your DD and not you! I know that you don't find that easy, but at the end of the day it is HER that matters.

PortoPandemico · 15/05/2009 22:12

Sorry that sounded harsher than I meant it too....

KingCanuteIAm · 15/05/2009 22:19

Good luck Lyneham, I hope it all works out for the best for your dd and that you are able to be happy with the situation once it settles down!

By all means come back for more honesty if you feel up to it

dongles · 15/05/2009 22:27

I know this thread has now been officially killed off but, lyneham, were you actually posing this thread from the opposite viewpoint? (as in your ex is trying to change schools etc and you wanted more varied feedback about it?).

Maybe I should just retire to bed with my old law books...

piscesmoon · 15/05/2009 22:30

Good luck-I may have been harsh because I have been saying things that you don't want to hear.
Above all I think you should leave well alone because I don't think that you will get your own way.

'Shared care can be very tricky I think and of course it can work very well when the parents and step parents are 'working together'

I think that you have to work together as the best way forward. If another woman was looking after my DC every other week I would do my best to make her a friend. As she is already trying to do that I would meet her half way. I would also get to know the step sisters and the new baby, when she arrives ,and you could end up with an extended family. I know it isn't what you want but it is better than the alternative. Your DD is young but she will have her own opinions when she gets older and you may find that bitterness sours your relationship.
Lots of people have family relationships that are not the ideal, or what they envisaged, the trick is to make it work for you.

ElenorRigby · 16/05/2009 20:29

.

ElenorRigby · 16/05/2009 20:31

oops dsd who should be in bed just by now bashed the keyboard

ElenorRigby · 16/05/2009 20:49

Sorry I just caught up with this...
Dongles posted
"ER, I probably shouldn't reply, but lawyers don't generally act unless they have been asked to do so by, err, other human beings."
OMG! that comment is so weak, if I was uninformed, I would be shocked.

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