very unhelpful things your other half can say whilst in labour

[benbon]

just wondering if anyone else's other halves have come out with very unhelpfull advice whilst you were in labour. aibu to think this was not very helpful?

after being in labour for about 6 hours at this point my husband told me "WELL YOU ARE DRAGGING IT OUT ABIT!"

so what helpful things did your partners say to you,.

Another dh who stopped for a mcdonalds drive through when mw had sent me home for a few hours. He didn't know "when he would next get a chance to eat but we would have to wait a few minutes as it wasnt a standard order."
With dd I left it a bit late to go to the hospital as I insisted on doing my accountancy exam that morning( with tens machine on). We walked into delivery suite, my water broke as we reached the room and I couldn't get on the bed. I delivered standing up with my pants round my ankles 5 mins after arriving. Mw complained that her knees were sore and that it wasn't good for her back to 'play catch' like that.

My DH was really good during it actually, apart from one moment. I was induced and labour came on very quickly, they were trying to move me from the observation ward to a delivery suite in between my contractions which were on top of each other by this point. In the middle of one contraction I wasnt able to move and was gripping the end of the bed, DH said 'come on the sooner we get into the room the sooner you can get the epidural.' I don't think I swore at him but my reply was rather strongly worded!

DH phoned the parents a couple of hours after DS was born, you know after we'd all bonded and i'd been stitched up etc. First thing MIL said was 'why didn't you let us know sooner?' sod off!!

My dad was prob the worst though, he went round telling the relatives 'oh yeah the labour was really quick and easy' right. You were there were you?? Ok it was quite quick for an induction (10 and a half hours) but the PAIN!!!! I went in with an open mind for pain relief but when they broke my waters I was begging for an epidural nothing was touching it. Git.

Shortly before leaving for the hospital - contractions were about every six mins or so - I was alternatately laying on the bed and walking around the bedroom.

All of a sudden the bedroom door opened and all my in-laws poured in, said hello, and started talking about the curtains. MIL was altering them for us, but needed to know something about the curtain pole, so they all stood around discussing for about 45 mins. Then DH rocked up and started talking about the car with his dad. All this as I was laying on the bed groaning my way through each contraction. I was trying to tell my husband that I needed to go to the hospital but MIL said it was probably false labour and that it didn't sound too bad.

At one point my FIL strongly advised DH to go to work in the morning (it was a Sunday) because they would be sure to let him know if anything was up.

I strongly advised him not to. They all cheerfully finished their small talk and left. No-one really seemed to be even entertaining the idea that I, at 39.3, could possibly be on the verge of having an actual baby!

When I woke him in the night saying "I think my waters have broken". He said, "You think they have broken? or they have broken? which is it?"

me - mooing, like you do
MW - do you want some gas and air?
him - yes do something, she's making a bit of a fuss

him, years earlier to me after driving myself home from hospital having had cast put on broken arm, what was broken 3 days earlier and I'd been to work, cleaned house, dealt with animals etc etc - I hope you're not going to milk this?

and then he wants sex

Not my partner, but after an emergency section and my baby being born at 32 weeks weighing 2lbs and straight in an incubator, the nurse lifting me from the operating bed to a trolley said 'oh you are very heavy, maybe you should think about dieting'.....yes thanks for that my daughter was seriously ill and losing weight was not really on my list at that point. She ended up spending 31 days in SCBU and had a 5% chance of survival (many medical problems)......I did lose the weight eventually....but have never forgot how insensitive she was.

Oh these have made me laugh. I'm now very grateful DH was AT AN OASIS CONCERT when DS1 was born but I am looking forward to what gems he will come out with when DC2 is born, due in 9 days

My best friend had her dd on the hottest day of the year, after a 48 hour labour, was in a birthing pool. her ex p held up a mirror to her face an's said "wanna see what you look like?" she kicked him out and he missed most of it!

I started having long, painful contractions. I slept on the floor all night because I wanted DH to have a good rest so he could be alert to help me/drive to the hospital (and I wasn't going to be able to sleep, anyway). In the morning he went downstairs while I was getting ready to go to hospital. When he came up, he said he had just hurt his back putting some washing in the machine (why he felt the need to do this, I don't know) and that he was in too much pain and would not be able to help me during labour. I carried my own heavy bag into the hospital and he was right, he was fucking useless. I've never forgiven him for that.

"Ooh look, you've done a poo, ha ha".

Yes, fucking hilarious.

During labour with DS my mum, brother and sister all turned up and came in to say hello. Now, this I didn't mind as they live a long way away and I hadn't seen them in months.

However, my mum then hung around, and as I'd been up since early in the morning the day before, I was too shot away to tell her to piss off. She then proceeded to tell my Dad (who had driven me to appointments throughout the pg and to the hospital as DP and I don't drive) that he may as well go home as "it will be a long time yet" He arrived home in time for a call announcing it was a boy.

While I was in transition and begging for a c-section or death, she offered me a plastic cup saying "have some magic water" as though I was five or so. DP has never forgiven her for ruining the birth for us both, and I'm not sure I have either.

Also, DP has been reading a few of these over my shoulder, and admitted to thinking some of them himself, but said he had the tact not to actually say anything. (thinking the episiotomy ones in particular.)

LeQueen, PMSL at "Oh look, the Umpalumpas have arrived..."

Am 40+3 with PFB and whilst I can't say that my feelings of dread at the (hopefully) imminent proceedings have gone I have printed out all 14 pages of these and written a note to DP that each utterance of any of these 'quips' entitles me to kick him in the nuts! I'm sure he'll come up with his own gems...

I went into labour with dd1 at 3.15 in the morning of my due date.I rang the hospital,who told me to come in,as my contractions went from nothing to 3 mins apart.I woke up dh,who sad that there was no need to hurry as the ante natal classes had said it would be ages yet and we should play monopoly or something to pass the time.I managed to convince him that playing monopoly wasn't the first thing on my mind and off we went.It took 15 minutes to get to the hospital and I actually ran down the corridor to the labour suite.By the time I got there I was 9cm already.DD was born pretty swiftly,but dh was most miffed that it hadn't been like they'd said at ante natal.He kept saying 'but they said it would take 12 hours or more.' 'They said there would be plenty of time for me to shower and put clean clothes on,and there wasn't.'I think he regards ante natal classes as a big swizz now.

He then rang my mum to tell her she was a grandma,and she said 'But she can't have had the baby yet,she was only in Tesco yesterday afternoon!'