very unhelpful things your other half can say whilst in labour

[benbon]

just wondering if anyone else's other halves have come out with very unhelpfull advice whilst you were in labour. aibu to think this was not very helpful?

after being in labour for about 6 hours at this point my husband told me "WELL YOU ARE DRAGGING IT OUT ABIT!"

so what helpful things did your partners say to you,.

[Numberfour]

i held his hand and squeezed (hard) while pushing and he shook his hand and said "Ow".

To be fair, I did bend his wedding ring.

[CerealOffender]

'i am just popping out to update your sister'

me - wtf!

[YeahBut]

"Hang on a minute until I finish this email..."

[littlerats]

they had to cut my ds out in the end (episiotomy) as they were concerned about his heartrate and DP watched and when they did it, put his hands to his mouth, eyes wide with terror and shouted "oh my god, it looks like you've been shot, it's all just gaping out".

[Lavenderboo]

Having just been induced waiting for things to finally get moving DP loving strokes my head and says 'Oh look your first grey hair!', and promtly yanks it out my head.

It was neither the time nor the place.

[santasbluebaubles]

"there's no need for both of us to be awake" whilst settling himself down in the chair woth a blanket.

To say I was not amused is an understatement.

[verytellytubby]

I need antibiotic cover in labour and the hospital completely fucked it up and gave me the wrong dose. I was green, convulsing and vomiting and I heard DH say to the nurse 'Is she going to be brain damaged?'

I could have killed him.

[Fluffymonster]

When I was doubled up in pain from contractions, rocking in absolute agony:

"Only another 12 hours to go." (Having been told somewhere along the pregnancy how long the 'average' labour lasts.)

[mateysmum]

Dh..."Tell me how it hurts, is it like when you stub your toe"

Yeh exactly!!!

[HelenLG]

'Oh is it happening now?'

In reponse to having been on syntocinon for 11 hours...

[bunkers]

My labour had to be monitored with dd2. DH was watching the machine printing out my labour activity and he kept telling me when I was having a contraction.

He also kept comparing my 2nd labour with my first, with comments like "oh, you didn't make as much noise as this last time"

[GoingToCatchABigOne]

I woke him up at about 7.30am after having contractions all night.
He then asked me how long it would be before I wanted to go to hospital as he really needed to STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR!
He also weed all over the toilet seat and bathroom floor, with his excuse being that he was so nervous his hands were shaking and he couldn't aim!

After that he was really good, as he was instructed to not speak unless spoken to, do whatever he was told, and do it quick!

[whensteaready]

My DH insisted on steam cleaning the carpets as my waters had broke on them. I was contracting like crazy and eventually I screamed "turn that fucking thing off" He then took me to the hospital where I discovered I was the full 10cm (this was my first)

[Porcelain]

Not so much a saying thing but:

After 2 days in labour at home I went into hospital with a distressed baby and got put on a synto drip. I managed for a few hours then tried gas and air which didn't help at all (it made it worse as I couldn't concentrate). While the midwife was out looking for an anaesthetist DH decided he wanted a go on the gas and air, and collapsed into a fit of giggles. I then went into my next contraction, took in loads of gas and air and promptly "whitied", serious projectile vomiting everywhere. DH apparently was trying to find a sick bowl, but from my perspective, he got up and ran away giggling like a loon.

We laugh about it now

[nannynobblystockingnobs]

I wish I had time to read this whole thread!
My DH was great, it was the midwives who made me do this face
"ooh, don't push now, you shouldn't be pushing" I can't fucking help it! DD2 was born in 14 minutes and I had an hour of stitching.
The MW who stitched me kept saying "nearly done" when she was clearly nowhere fucking near. I breathed continuous gas and air for the whole hour and was screaming and crying by the end of it. "Nearly finished" my fucking arse, I could have kicked her one
before the screaming and crying really set in she asked me again what we'd called DD2 (to distract me from the Frankenstein job on my fanny) I shouted "PINEAPPLE!" at her.

[prettymuchapixiegirl]

When I was giving birth to DD2, I had a nice 4 hour labour, and had DD2 at 2am. DH spent the whole labour moaning about being "tired". Once DD had arrived, he went off home to sleep, whilst I stayed awake all night with a crying DD. When he arrived back at the hospital the following morning, he was still tired. We got home at about 2pm, and guess what - he was still fucking tired, so went off for a lie down (!!). The house was a complete tip, so I then spent a couple of hours tidying the kitchen, cleaning and hoovering, as DH had invited loads of family members round that evening. He then spent the entire next week, which he had off work, playing on the X-box, and yes, you've guessed it, complaining about being tired.

When I was pregnant with DS, I warned him that he'd better be more helpful once DS arrived than he was when we had DD2. So DS arrives, we go home the following day, and for two days DH spends a bit less time than normal on the PC and actually does a bit of washing and runs the hoover round. On the third day, he seemed to decide that I was now ready to do household tasks again, and just left me to sort out dinner while he sat at the PC. This action ended up with us having a screaming row discussion, and him shouting "I've spent the last two days doing nothing but stuff for YOU". I still remind him of that now!

[susie100]

You need to PUSH now, really loudly in my face.

Err yes thanks dear I think I have grasped that concept thank you, now fuck off.

[welshbyrd]

DH asked me if I would like a sip of lucozade, to keep my energy up , I replied "im going to hit you with that bottle in a minute"

2nd quote from DH "do you want to squeeze my hand dear" reply? "I want to squeeze your throat"

He pissed me off prior to this though, he stood up earlier on, and banged his head on a tv, free floating on a bracket, himself and midwife laughed at this, which irritated me more

[PsecretSantead]

I had had an epidural which was wearing off and I suddenly felt the urge to really bloody well push. You know what it's like at the very end, when you've no actual control over it, you just bear down.

After the second big push I said to DH 'honey, I really think it's time now, I am pushing, I need the midwife in here right now'

Him - 'OK.'



Me - '....... So.... Can you get the midwife in here right now, then?'

Him - 'what, me??'

DD was born 15 mins later!

[Cosmosis]

Not my DH who was brilliant, but the Dr. I had a back to back labour and for some reason baby was only happy when I was lying on my left hand side, which meant I was really struggling to push. About 2 hours in to a 2.5 hour 2nd stage, the obs (who was otherwise a lovely lovely man) said to me; come on really try with this push, remember, you're trying to push out something the size of a grapefruit.
Anyway, ended up with ventouse and he admitted I'd never have got ds out without it as he was stuck!

[FatherChristmasatemyhamster]

While friend mid labour, friend's DP came out from using en suite loo with (clean) bedpan on head and said in dodgy American accent "Saddle up cowboy, we're gonna ride out of here". Apparently he got a look from wife, mil and mw.

[SeaTrek]

I don't remember my DH saying or doing anything silly whilst I was in labour. Well, apart from when he dropped the dog off round at the ILs before me left for hospital and asked them for a coffee before he came back for me. MIL asked him how far apart my contractions were (4 mins) and then told him he could forget that coffee (40 min drive to hospital).

He was appallingly bad after I had been in hospital for 4 nights at the height of the summer and had completely had enough. I was very close to asking to have him removed from the ward (we were waiting for the billirubin test results before we could go home). I had repeatedly warned him that on day 4 PP he would need to be kinder than usual. Apparently he could do that as he was 'hot' so it was more appropriate for him to sit moaning endlessly at me. I think I did hiss at him to off and I would get the bus home. I have barely forgiven him now and that was six years ago (he also shouted at me in the car park becaue HE hadn't worked out how the car seat when in beforehand).

[welshbyrd]

Brilliant thread - cheered me right up

[Southwestwhippet]

My DP was great when I was in labour, which went on and on and on.

He was overheard by my mother however, in the early stages when I was generally being demanding and whiney saying resentfully "well, do you want me to have the baby for you?????"

[backintraining]

Not in labour as such because DS had to be born by EMCS 7wks early due to pre-e.... however, as I was laid on the bed in the operating theatre, bits out and everything DH came out with a classic. When I had been admitted to hospital 2wks previously, the Paed who had been to see me was frickin gorgeous quite a handsome man and I had told my friend about him when she visited me, obvously all tongue in cheek etc........ so there I was, numb from the middle down, bits out for all to see, absolutely shitting myself and said Paed walks through the door... DH: "Oooh look love, its that Doctor who you were saying you fancied so much". Brilliant!!