Need the MN Jury because I am so angry I've lost all sense of perspective.

[NeedMNJury]

Right, basic facts.

On Saturday some friends came up to stay for a night. She's a very close old friend from where we used to live, her dcs are similar ages to mine, our dh's get along, we haven't met up since the beginning of December so we decided to meet at our house.

They arrived early afternoon. We had lunch in the garden, a few drinks while the dcs played, all very relaxed and fun.

About 3pm dh receives a text from an old mate of his whose mum lives in our village. Does DH fancy a quick drink in the pub about 4pm?

DH hasn't seen this mate since the mate's dad's funeral at the end of November so we agreed that DH and Friend's DH would go and meet up with this mate in the pub while Friend and I took all 5 dcs for a walk with the dog then met them at the pub.

We duly turned up at the pub about 5pm. The 3 blokes were settled in nicely with their 2nd pint. Friend and I got drinks for ourselves and the dcs and spent the next hour dealing with dcs in the way that you do when you have 2x5yos, 2x 3yos and 1x 2yo with you in a public place. Pushing them on the swings, resolving fights, trying to stop them annoying the rest of the customers, etc.

The 3 blokes got through another 2 pints while we there and then the dcs got to the point about 6:30 where they really needed to go home. The 3 blokes still had about half a pint left to drink so Friend and I said that we'd start walking back with the dcs as long as they finished their drinks and came straight back.

I think so far I've been pretty reasonable, no? He's had time in the pub, dc-less. He's had a good couple of hours to catch up with his mate and have a few beers, now it's time for him to reassume parental duties.

The usually 15 minute walk home takes us 35 minutes because the dcs are knackered and getting stroppy. 2yo is in a buggy so at one point I'm carrying my 3yo on my shoulders while pushing the buggy, friend is carrying her 3yo while ensuring the 5yos don't get run over because there are no footpaths in our village.

By the time we get home there is still no sign of them.

I get the blow up mattress out of the garage (should have been DH's job), go upstairs and discover that at some point, unbeknown to us, 3 of them have snaffled the little packets of sugar from the pub and emptied them all over dc1's room.

So now I have to hoover the whole of dc1's room, blow up the mattress, make the bed, then get 3 exhausted dcs into bed. On my Own.

Friend did a great job of keeping them calm downstairs while I sorted upstairs.

DH and Friend's DH finally roll in about an hour and a quarter after we left the pub, just as we were getting the dcs upstairs.

DH puts our older 2 to bed while I deal with the 2yo who by that point has entirely lost the plot and has a screaming tantrum for half an hour before collapsing in exhaustion and I get him into bed.

DH has got the meal cooked by the time I get back downstairs (it was already made, he only had to put rice on and reheat the casserole) so we sit down to eat.

I manage about half of mine before dc3 starts crying. So up I go.

10 minutes later I come down. Couple more mouthfuls.

Dc2 starts crying, so up I go.

10 minutes later I come down. Couple more mouthfuls.

Dc3 starts crying again, so up I go.

All bloody evening.

I finally got to bed at 2 AM having not spent more than 15 minutes downstairs talking to my friends.

I was so bloody angry with him. I had to be civil with him yesterday while Friend was still here but in the evening I brought it up and he said he wasn't being unreasonable about it because he hadn't seen his mate for months and they stayed for longer because they were 'catching up'. Bear in mind that his mate currently spends about half the week at his mum's in our village so they have ample opportunity to meet up again pretty imminently.

I pointed out that I hadn't seen Friend for that long either and that I was quite looking forward to catching up with her with being constantly interrupted by dcs but I didn't get to do it because of him.

I then stormed off and went to bed so I'm still steaming about it today.

AIBU to be fuming and want him to apologise and accept he was completely out of order?

I don't think you're overreacting and the fact that he has still to apologise for his shite behaviour speaks volumes. Your weekend was spoilt and he doesn't care because he got to have things his way and you just have to suck it up because he's more important.

By the sounds of it they were too drunk to be left with such young children to put them to bed, but otherwise dittany's suggestion of making them go home would have been great.

I'd done every other fecking bed but this one was in the box of camping stuff in the garage so he was supposed to get it out and pump it up.

I'd even done the bedding for it but obviously it was still a challenge too far .

I think it started with the agreement of the men going to the pub in the first place isn't it. And by being reasonable I think he took advantage, sorry but that's what I think. He may not have realised it but he may know now.
By absenting themselves I meant of their responsibilites too. And when you are relying on someone else to help as agreed beforehand and they come home late and too drunk to be of any useful help it is bloody annoying.
Next time a strategy meeting maybe.
Don't go on about it though after he gets the message because as you say you are both adults/

They were too pissed to be in charge of 5 dcs on their own, tbh. They were the best part of 6 or 7 pints down by then.

xposts

He hasn't apologised yet?

Hmmm, your DH was at the pub from 4pm until 7.45. He WAS also entertaining the visiting guest. He then came home and cooked dinner. It really doesn't sound that awful.

A 30 minute drive for a quite breakfast with your friend doesn't sound unreasonable to me either - it's certainly within the grounds of possibility.

Men will do what they can get away with.

so do women often

Just to be fair to him, on a normal, day to day level he is pretty good with the dcs needs but as soon as he is in any kind of 'social' situation and he's had his first beer that whole side of him disappears.

So I either spend my whole time asking him to do something for one of the dcs and looking like a naggy wife from hell or doing it myself.

I've noticed that men just ASSUME freedom

Why can't women?

And women get put in the role of nagging bitch just trying to keep things fair.

lol Dittany, that was random

How does that apply here?

And women get put in the role of nagging bitch just trying to keep things fair<

last time I looked it was 2009??

He behaved like an arse re the pub.

But he wasn't to blame for the way the DC behaved was he?

'he was also entertaining the visiting guest' - please tell me that is tongue in cheek, MP.

Seriously, nearly four hours without responsibilty for dcs, doing exactly what he wanted, with no thought and consideration for his wife or dcs, whose weekend it also was. And no thought as to when my friend and I might do the same?

That's okay?

Blimey.

"I've noticed that men just ASSUME freedom

Why can't women?"

Because if all the adults had consumed the same amount of drink and ignored their children all afternoon that would have been child neglect.

Parents don't get to "assume" freedom. That's the hardest bit about being a parent.

Ok I see what you mean, but I don't think the op means that her husband is in the dark ages to be honest.

they can asusme freedom whenever there is another adult around who is able to take over.

Orm, at the moment (bearing in mind I am very tired, having had about 8 hours sleep in total over the last 2 nights and I'm feeling very gutted that my weekend
was such a wash out) I do feel it was his fault that the dcs didn't settle.

They went to bed too late, they were over tired and they never settle properly into a deep sleep when they are over tired, especially dc3.

Hence me saying meaningfully, several times in the pub 'We really need to get dc3 home and into bed, he's knackered'.

@pointydog, if that is a reply to me, then I totally disagree

Just because there are other adults around doesn't mean I can just get plastered during the day and ignore my child and presume that other people will look after her.

If I want time off to do that I make an arrangement with an adult I trust (DH, my parents, MIL) but I certainly don't ever assume that someone else will fill a "parenting vacuum" because I don't want there to be such a thing in my daughter's life.