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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need the MN Jury because I am so angry I've lost all sense of perspective.

273 replies

NeedMNJury · 04/05/2009 14:39

Right, basic facts.

On Saturday some friends came up to stay for a night. She's a very close old friend from where we used to live, her dcs are similar ages to mine, our dh's get along, we haven't met up since the beginning of December so we decided to meet at our house.

They arrived early afternoon. We had lunch in the garden, a few drinks while the dcs played, all very relaxed and fun.

About 3pm dh receives a text from an old mate of his whose mum lives in our village. Does DH fancy a quick drink in the pub about 4pm?

DH hasn't seen this mate since the mate's dad's funeral at the end of November so we agreed that DH and Friend's DH would go and meet up with this mate in the pub while Friend and I took all 5 dcs for a walk with the dog then met them at the pub.

We duly turned up at the pub about 5pm. The 3 blokes were settled in nicely with their 2nd pint. Friend and I got drinks for ourselves and the dcs and spent the next hour dealing with dcs in the way that you do when you have 2x5yos, 2x 3yos and 1x 2yo with you in a public place. Pushing them on the swings, resolving fights, trying to stop them annoying the rest of the customers, etc.

The 3 blokes got through another 2 pints while we there and then the dcs got to the point about 6:30 where they really needed to go home. The 3 blokes still had about half a pint left to drink so Friend and I said that we'd start walking back with the dcs as long as they finished their drinks and came straight back.

I think so far I've been pretty reasonable, no? He's had time in the pub, dc-less. He's had a good couple of hours to catch up with his mate and have a few beers, now it's time for him to reassume parental duties.

The usually 15 minute walk home takes us 35 minutes because the dcs are knackered and getting stroppy. 2yo is in a buggy so at one point I'm carrying my 3yo on my shoulders while pushing the buggy, friend is carrying her 3yo while ensuring the 5yos don't get run over because there are no footpaths in our village.

By the time we get home there is still no sign of them.

I get the blow up mattress out of the garage (should have been DH's job), go upstairs and discover that at some point, unbeknown to us, 3 of them have snaffled the little packets of sugar from the pub and emptied them all over dc1's room.

So now I have to hoover the whole of dc1's room, blow up the mattress, make the bed, then get 3 exhausted dcs into bed. On my Own.

Friend did a great job of keeping them calm downstairs while I sorted upstairs.

DH and Friend's DH finally roll in about an hour and a quarter after we left the pub, just as we were getting the dcs upstairs.

DH puts our older 2 to bed while I deal with the 2yo who by that point has entirely lost the plot and has a screaming tantrum for half an hour before collapsing in exhaustion and I get him into bed.

DH has got the meal cooked by the time I get back downstairs (it was already made, he only had to put rice on and reheat the casserole) so we sit down to eat.

I manage about half of mine before dc3 starts crying. So up I go.

10 minutes later I come down. Couple more mouthfuls.

Dc2 starts crying, so up I go.

10 minutes later I come down. Couple more mouthfuls.

Dc3 starts crying again, so up I go.

All bloody evening.

I finally got to bed at 2 AM having not spent more than 15 minutes downstairs talking to my friends.

I was so bloody angry with him. I had to be civil with him yesterday while Friend was still here but in the evening I brought it up and he said he wasn't being unreasonable about it because he hadn't seen his mate for months and they stayed for longer because they were 'catching up'. Bear in mind that his mate currently spends about half the week at his mum's in our village so they have ample opportunity to meet up again pretty imminently.

I pointed out that I hadn't seen Friend for that long either and that I was quite looking forward to catching up with her with being constantly interrupted by dcs but I didn't get to do it because of him.

I then stormed off and went to bed so I'm still steaming about it today.

AIBU to be fuming and want him to apologise and accept he was completely out of order?

OP posts:
Cadelaide · 04/05/2009 22:52

YABU for such a long OP, I can't possibly trawl through that.

mrsruffallo · 04/05/2009 22:54

Op sounds a bit matyrish
You can still chat with kids around
Why did you go to the pub at all? I would have stayed at home, put a DVD on and talked to my friend in the garden
HTH

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 22:55

I think she had to walk the dog.

mrsruffallo · 04/05/2009 23:00

Husband could have taken dog or she could have asked him to take dog walkies before he left as of course hard to do with lots of kids- come on, it's not hard is it

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 23:03

You're right, he could have taken the dog.

Seems that was just another thing he expected his wife to do so that he could keep on drinking.

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/05/2009 23:09

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StayFrosty · 04/05/2009 23:14

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RumourOfAHurricane · 04/05/2009 23:16

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mrsruffallo · 04/05/2009 23:16

I didn't know she was now absent, and I am piling in with no one m'dear
Just giving my opinion
End of thread? This could be just the beginning!

RumourOfAHurricane · 04/05/2009 23:18

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StayFrosty · 04/05/2009 23:19

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RumourOfAHurricane · 04/05/2009 23:20

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DandyLioness · 04/05/2009 23:21

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StayFrosty · 04/05/2009 23:24

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dittany · 04/05/2009 23:25

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TheFallenMadonna · 04/05/2009 23:28

I dare say if we had her DH on here we'd be telling him where he was going wrong too.

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 23:34

Ha, I doubt it. There'd be lots of cooing over him for being so wonderful as to post here, and about how valuable his contributions were as a man.

Well if other contemporary threads on here are anything to go by anyway ;)

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 23:34

I mean

StayFrosty · 04/05/2009 23:36

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DandyLioness · 04/05/2009 23:42

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TheLadyEvenstar · 05/05/2009 12:03

But the OP only had her 3 dc to deal with didn't she? I would assume the other 2 dc's mother was looking after them.

Walkingwiththighosaurs · 05/05/2009 12:04

Well lets face it you let him get away with half of it. Constantly getting up from the table to attend to DC didn't help. Why an earth did you not say "it's your turn". Also if DC'S won't settle with father then they need to learn to and they won't learn to unless he does it more often.

kittywise · 05/05/2009 17:34

but her dh put 2 of them to bed. I don't get it.

Someone mentioned earlier that the only reason she had a bad time was because the kids played up and she insisted in a somewhat martyrish manner to deal with it all herself

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