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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need the MN Jury because I am so angry I've lost all sense of perspective.

273 replies

NeedMNJury · 04/05/2009 14:39

Right, basic facts.

On Saturday some friends came up to stay for a night. She's a very close old friend from where we used to live, her dcs are similar ages to mine, our dh's get along, we haven't met up since the beginning of December so we decided to meet at our house.

They arrived early afternoon. We had lunch in the garden, a few drinks while the dcs played, all very relaxed and fun.

About 3pm dh receives a text from an old mate of his whose mum lives in our village. Does DH fancy a quick drink in the pub about 4pm?

DH hasn't seen this mate since the mate's dad's funeral at the end of November so we agreed that DH and Friend's DH would go and meet up with this mate in the pub while Friend and I took all 5 dcs for a walk with the dog then met them at the pub.

We duly turned up at the pub about 5pm. The 3 blokes were settled in nicely with their 2nd pint. Friend and I got drinks for ourselves and the dcs and spent the next hour dealing with dcs in the way that you do when you have 2x5yos, 2x 3yos and 1x 2yo with you in a public place. Pushing them on the swings, resolving fights, trying to stop them annoying the rest of the customers, etc.

The 3 blokes got through another 2 pints while we there and then the dcs got to the point about 6:30 where they really needed to go home. The 3 blokes still had about half a pint left to drink so Friend and I said that we'd start walking back with the dcs as long as they finished their drinks and came straight back.

I think so far I've been pretty reasonable, no? He's had time in the pub, dc-less. He's had a good couple of hours to catch up with his mate and have a few beers, now it's time for him to reassume parental duties.

The usually 15 minute walk home takes us 35 minutes because the dcs are knackered and getting stroppy. 2yo is in a buggy so at one point I'm carrying my 3yo on my shoulders while pushing the buggy, friend is carrying her 3yo while ensuring the 5yos don't get run over because there are no footpaths in our village.

By the time we get home there is still no sign of them.

I get the blow up mattress out of the garage (should have been DH's job), go upstairs and discover that at some point, unbeknown to us, 3 of them have snaffled the little packets of sugar from the pub and emptied them all over dc1's room.

So now I have to hoover the whole of dc1's room, blow up the mattress, make the bed, then get 3 exhausted dcs into bed. On my Own.

Friend did a great job of keeping them calm downstairs while I sorted upstairs.

DH and Friend's DH finally roll in about an hour and a quarter after we left the pub, just as we were getting the dcs upstairs.

DH puts our older 2 to bed while I deal with the 2yo who by that point has entirely lost the plot and has a screaming tantrum for half an hour before collapsing in exhaustion and I get him into bed.

DH has got the meal cooked by the time I get back downstairs (it was already made, he only had to put rice on and reheat the casserole) so we sit down to eat.

I manage about half of mine before dc3 starts crying. So up I go.

10 minutes later I come down. Couple more mouthfuls.

Dc2 starts crying, so up I go.

10 minutes later I come down. Couple more mouthfuls.

Dc3 starts crying again, so up I go.

All bloody evening.

I finally got to bed at 2 AM having not spent more than 15 minutes downstairs talking to my friends.

I was so bloody angry with him. I had to be civil with him yesterday while Friend was still here but in the evening I brought it up and he said he wasn't being unreasonable about it because he hadn't seen his mate for months and they stayed for longer because they were 'catching up'. Bear in mind that his mate currently spends about half the week at his mum's in our village so they have ample opportunity to meet up again pretty imminently.

I pointed out that I hadn't seen Friend for that long either and that I was quite looking forward to catching up with her with being constantly interrupted by dcs but I didn't get to do it because of him.

I then stormed off and went to bed so I'm still steaming about it today.

AIBU to be fuming and want him to apologise and accept he was completely out of order?

OP posts:
DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 21:40

The fact that he cooked a stew a week ago surely can't be a mitigating factor in his poor behaviour yesterday?

People cook food. It's hardly very impressive that he takes his turn, is it?

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 21:41

One would assume the OP was only responsible for her own 3 dc, are we to believe that she never ventures out with them on any occassion without her DH to guide them home safely?

Nowhere in the OP's post does she say DH had not helped out throughout the day, only that from 4pm she had had the children and if my calculations are correct DH was only out for 3 hrs 45 minutes...considering he went out at 4pm and was back at 7.45.

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 21:43

I didn't say he was an alcoholic. I said he led an alcoholic lifestyle, which I think is fair given that he apparently spent the entire day and night drinking pretty strong lager with basically no break at all.

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 21:45

Hatesponge, Glad I am not alone in the bedtime thing!!!!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 04/05/2009 21:46

I am beginning to come round to the idea that opinion on this thread is divided between those who like nothing better than sitting in the pub, and those who don't.

I am one of the former

Dee one afternoon in the pub on a bank holiday weekend does not an alcoholic lifestyle (whatever that means) make.

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 21:48

Dee, he was met a friend at 4pm and was home at 7.45.....hardlt the entire day is it?

drink in the pub about 4pm

got to the point about 6:30 where they really needed to go home

DH and Friend's DH finally roll in about an hour and a quarter after we left the pub

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 21:48

She does, however, say that he was boozing it up all day and that in response she had had to moderate her own drinking.

Primarily these people were visiting because the woman is HER friend. SHE should have been the one given the free pass to have a bit of extra booze and take a backseat on the childcare.

Failing that he could at least have helped with taking the children home and putting them to bed as was agreed.

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 21:50

ooppss was met

DandyLioness · 04/05/2009 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 21:52

Dee, I must have missed that bit!

BigBellasBeerBelly · 04/05/2009 21:54

To be fair to dee the very first post has them lunching with drinks prior to the call to the pub.

And TBH if anyone has had a few, and then gone to the pub, and had a few more, and then says "oh yes we'll leave soon really we will", what person would believe that? irrespective of gender?

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 21:58

Bella, I wouldn't especially if I was saying it lol

BigBellasBeerBelly · 04/05/2009 22:02

DH would not be under any illusion if I said it either

TBH though my DH would be the one saying "no no I'll come now" and me saying "no stay out go on have another one".

I am always trying to make him go out but he won't

DeeBlindMice · 04/05/2009 22:02

The thing is, I'm an absolute demon for "just one more booooooooze" and am far more likely to be the one in the DH's position than the one in the OP's (as I wouldn't ever believe DH would be home on time, so I would have dealt with it differently).

But if I did have a day like this, getting all boozy and selfish and leaving DH to have a shitty day because he had to deal with everything alone rather than with my help, and if I had done this when an old friend of his was visiting and he felt the weekend had been spoilt and he'd been really looking forward to it, I would be SO contrite and sorry when I sobered up.

If this guy had apologised and attempted to make the row up I'd be saying "people are sometimes assholes, you have to accept their apologies when they try to make amends". But he isn't sorry. As things stand he thinks the way he behaved and the effect it had on his wife's much wished-for weekend are fine. And that, to me, is just shite.

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 22:09

Bella....you got my dp there??? I am always trying to get him to go out as well lol.

scaredoflove · 04/05/2009 22:12

kids played in pub and needed watching

kids wouldn't/couldn't walk home easily

kids spilled sugar

one kid tantrummed for 30 mins

kids wouldn't sleep

Kids won't be settled by dad

Dad was 40 mins late

It's the kids fault the day was hard

BigBellasBeerBelly · 04/05/2009 22:12

No mine's at work

Maybe he has a secret double life and he's at your now!!!

I really really wish that he would just book his friends up on a friday night and go out and get really pissed and roll in at 2am. It's not good that he's neglecting them.

pointydog · 04/05/2009 22:16

I am just pointing out the stew. I am so over this thread

kittywise · 04/05/2009 22:21

I want to know why the op seems to think that putting three kids to bed on her own is difficult, it's not

DandyLioness · 04/05/2009 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/05/2009 22:24

TUT TUT Scared have you not got it yet??? its all the op's DH's fault lol

TheFallenMadonna · 04/05/2009 22:27

Give over kitty. I know you have lots of children and manage admirably I'm sure, but it's just not the point of the thread it is? She wanted to spend time with her friend, not deal with all the other stuff.

But I still think simmering with silent if justifiable rage isn't the way to go. And it is falling into the other half of the thoughtless man / martyed woman stereotype that is being criticised on this thread.

pointydog · 04/05/2009 22:31

sometimes putting oen child to bed can be difficult. It all depends on so many different factors

dittany · 04/05/2009 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFallenMadonna · 04/05/2009 22:50

I dunno dittany. I suppose I just don't do being ignored. DH would avoid awkward conversations if he could. He can't.

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