to expect that my dc should be able to play outdoors without being subjected to porn?

[cariboo]

Dc & other neighbors riding bikes & scooters Sunday afternoon. I looked out to see that an older boy (12) was shoving a book in my dd's face (she's 8), forcing her & others to look. Dd covered ds' & neighbor girl's eyes with her hands (they're both 5), saying 'don't look, don't look'. I rush out, grab the book & see that it's an erotic comic book with drawings of naked men & women on the cover. Two other boys of around the same age are standing nearby, laughing. I shout at the boys, calling them dirty little perverts, where did you get this, how could you show such a thing to little kids, you should be ashamed of yourself, etc. Marched up to one boy's home, ready to blast the parents into orbit. No answer. So I call the police, who refer me to the child protection agency (closed on Sunday, of course). Meanwhile, dh is having more success locating parents who get a stern warning to keep their kid away from our dcs.

Should I contact the child protection agency or am I over-reacting? Other parents with little ones involved have now forbidden their dcs to leave their own gardens but it seems such a shame to keep them practically chained to the house.

We live in a hamlet, btw so no access to local park or playground without taking the car.

Its true.
all AIBU threads are

" aibu to eat toast and leave my kid shazza none"

" yes you are."
"yes you are"

" yes you unfit mother "

and so on FOREVER
then person says
"personally anyoen who calls their kid Shazza needs to die at the very soonest opportunity"

etc
" well tbh my kid cannot eat bread"

" you never told us that

oh GET OVER the dirty little perverts, please, fgs!

I challenge any of you to deny that, in my position, you wouldn't have been equally as furious and/or may have thought "dirty little perverts/tossers/wankers, bloody effing kids, I'll murder you, you little b*ggers" Even though what actually came out of your mouth was actually far more civilised, especially as a foreigner & in an area where the acoustics are such that every word you say is heard by every single person who happens to be at home. Which is almost everyone, since it was Sunday afternoon & the last day of spring break.

Of course, there will always be those who will say, "what's she getting all upset about? Join the real world, woman!"

Whatever.

and btw, I was not hysterical in my OP!

To the person who said they were concerned about children and the internet, there is some useful info here

www.broadbandchoices.co.uk/protecting-children-online.html

So, in answer to my question, calling the child protection agency is OTT?

you were the one who said you called them 'DIRTY LITTLE PERVERTS' I WAS JUST SAYING WHAT YOU SAID IN YOUR OP opps sorry for caps

drip feed threads piss me off too, especially when the op comes back and tries to redeem themselves by saying 'oh i didnt really mean it that way' so just 'get over what i said in my OP'

calling the child protection agency for a 12 year old with a dirty comic/mag - yes! It is over the top.

Leave them to deal with more serious pressing matters.

Are you honestly saying that between you and these boys parents, you couldn't have handled it yourself?

What would you expect the child protection agency to do? Confiscate the comic and give them a talking to?

Yes you were ott and unreasonable. And your treatment of the offending boys was as bad as their own behaviour.

Thank you spicemonster .

Fine. Jolly good! And my treatment of the boy(s)? What treatment? Read the posts before stupidly spouting rubbish. I did nothing to those boys except ask one of them why he didn't know better than to show hard-core porn to little kids. My dh did the talking to the only parent who bothered to answer the door. I haven't actually called the CPA - I thought I would ask other mothers what they thought first. Obviously some of you seem to go for the knee-jerk reaction instead of actually trying to imagine yourselves in the same situation & how you might respond. It's easy to insult me, to call me a nutter, to accuse me of drip-feeding information when I'm not actually online 24/7!

I'm trying not to get cross because this is the AIBU thread after all but maybe a little compassion might tinge your judgement from time to time? Un soupçon?

what exactly was the nature of the mag? Was it hardcore - or sci-fi drawings of nude adults?

cariboo - from your later description of events I don't think you were unreasonable. But come on, you must admit that your OP did make you sound like a dangerous lunatic. And as you were asking whether we thought you unreasonable, you got plenty of people telling you that you were.

Not for what you thought, but for what you said that you did.

I don't think, fwiw, that there is anything in my OP to suggest I'm anything other than an irate & upset mother.

BUT SHE LIVES IN SWITZERLAND

where they have cows with bells fgs

not PORN

Cariboo - what has upset people is that you have told two completely different versions of the same event. OF COURSE everybody would"
have been equally as furious and/or may have thought "dirty little perverts/tossers/wankers, bloody effing kids, I'll murder you, you little b*ggers" But you told us that is what you actually said. Aloud. With your mouth. So please don't get irate with people who are reacting to what you said you did - we're not mind readers. OK. that said.

How hard core was the book? Newsagent top shelf stuff or worse?

Well, I suppose I am a fruitcake, tbh. ask any of my friends. I've seen so much, especially this past year, that if I didn't have a sense of humour and a good dose of self-depreciation, I'd have been sectioned by now.

I don't think these boys are any different from most other boys but I was (and still am, I confess) enraged by this kid. Seeing my dd put her hands over the little ones' eyes cut me to the quick & stoked my anger. I still think, no matter what anyone says to the contrary, that insistently shoving porn in the faces of children, who weren't at all interested but quite obviously shocked, is a perverted act.

I think you are misinterpreting the outrage at the pervert comments: it was about upsettng ALL the children with an hysterical over-reaction which was likely to render the event much scarier than it actually was...at least that's how I read it.

I have an 8 year old girl and a 5 year old boy, too, Cariboo and I can just imagine my dd doing what your dd did to try and protect her little brother, and its just so WRONG that your dd should have had to.

When I read your op it wasn't the calling of the boys "dirty little perverts" that leapt out at me at all. It was the words "forcing her and others to look" and "shoving a book in my dd's face" that concerned me.

I would gladly put a rocket up my own ds if he ever did such a horrible thing when he reaches the age of 12. I cannot accept it is "normal behaviour for boys", not at all.

Glad to see you've regained your SOH OP

I think it's probably the sort of thing a lot of boys who aren't very well adjusted do. I think that age is quite hard for boys - not quite a teenager but no doubt with a lot of the sexual urges of the teenager. I can remember some of the boys of my acquaintance at that age almost trying to force girls into clinches. It was unpleasant but I haven't been traumatised by it.

I would talk to his parents but I would also think that your DDs will steer well clear of him now (and I'm sure he'll do the same with them)

dittany - I think you've misunderstood people. AFAIK people were worried about teh effect of screaming 'pervert' on all the children, not just the perpetrator.

anyway, tis irrelevant as the OP has now said she didn't shout that and what she did say really won't have traumatised anyone!

Should I add that this boy's father left years ago, that he now has a stepfather who doesn't seem to take much of an interest in him? Or that he's from Africa & therefore must take on a lot of "comment" (to say the least) from the local all-white farming community in which we live? He runs around barefoot most of the year, except when it snows. When I asked him (months ago) why he didn't wear any shoes, he replied "I don't like them." He may be 12, but he's still a child in my eyes. An unhappy, confused and undisciplined child who will, in a few years, be an unhappy, confused and undisciplined teen & one who clearly fancies my dd, who's perhaps too naïve & too willing to believe that everyone, especially other kids, mean well. What mother wouldn't be worried?

Cariboo
I believe you have committed the cardinal sin of AIBU. To post then disappear back to RL for a couple of hours. I did think that your initial reaction was a bit OTT, but reading your second post and knowing what Swiss village life is like, I can understand where you are coming from.

Swiss villages do have a bit of Brigadoon about them.

There does seem to be quite a good support system in the school though. In our school the school nurse comes in regularly to work with the children with problems. Is there such a thing in your school? Could you speak to the school about your fears?

Caribou you are a fraud.
You significantly change your story when people start criticising you.

dittany - I think you're ace but please don't misrepresent what I said. I said that IME this is how quite a lot of boys who aren't very well-adjusted behave when coming to terms with burgeoning sexuality. That isn't the same as 'boys will be boys'.

You seem to be forgetting that he is also a child. And one that sounds like he comes from a difficult background and has the misfortune to live in a very racist country (Switzerland is not very enlightened in terms of its attitude to race).

I am sympathetic to all the children in this story. Including him.