to expect that my dc should be able to play outdoors without being subjected to porn?

[cariboo]

Dc & other neighbors riding bikes & scooters Sunday afternoon. I looked out to see that an older boy (12) was shoving a book in my dd's face (she's 8), forcing her & others to look. Dd covered ds' & neighbor girl's eyes with her hands (they're both 5), saying 'don't look, don't look'. I rush out, grab the book & see that it's an erotic comic book with drawings of naked men & women on the cover. Two other boys of around the same age are standing nearby, laughing. I shout at the boys, calling them dirty little perverts, where did you get this, how could you show such a thing to little kids, you should be ashamed of yourself, etc. Marched up to one boy's home, ready to blast the parents into orbit. No answer. So I call the police, who refer me to the child protection agency (closed on Sunday, of course). Meanwhile, dh is having more success locating parents who get a stern warning to keep their kid away from our dcs.

Should I contact the child protection agency or am I over-reacting? Other parents with little ones involved have now forbidden their dcs to leave their own gardens but it seems such a shame to keep them practically chained to the house.

We live in a hamlet, btw so no access to local park or playground without taking the car.

I couldn't agree more Onebat. You've said everything I think but in a better way than I ever could!

Yes, so would I smallorange.

I find it frightening and depressing, tbh.

I saw hardcore porn in a magazine when I was about 11 or 12. It was black and white photography, earnest-looking hippyish types (long hair and so on, twas the 70s after all) but it was full on penetration, close-ups and everything. I wasn't shocked because I knew what sex was by then and I guess I was just curious.

But the porn you can get nowadays! and look at and trawl through for hours on end. I have been unsettled and disquieted and, disgusted, frankly just by reading the words describing the content of that two girls/cup video and the thought that my children will, inevitably, see those images one day makes me very sad, actually. And angry too.

So

I'd say, (with level of detail depending on age etc) deal with it in the context of understanding what a healthy sexuality is (ie the simplest way to describe a good sexual encounter is that it's one which all participants enjoy, if someone's not enjoying it then something's not right). And that some people like to dress up and play games, and that sometimes those games are fun but sometimes they are not very nice (again, if someone doesn't like it then there is something wrong if they are being made to do it). And it should also be part of a wider discussion on internet safety, cyber-bullying, etc ie to give them an understanding that other people should be treated with respect, that hurting them isn't nice etc and that someone showing you pictures with the intention of freaking you out or scaring you, whether those pictures are sexually explicit, gory or shocking in general, should be told to get lost.

I don't think it needs to be inevitable to see porn. I am not interested in porn and we have parental controls on the computer. I'm definitely hoping that my previously abused foster daughter will not see pornography as a teenager and will choose not to see it as an adult if she doesn't want to.

I find it easy to avoid porn online. I am totally aware of how available it is and exactly what is out there.

I am certainly anti most porn as a feminist but I hold that point of view as well as thinking that the OP overreacted in language to a young boy.

I also think it's a dreadful reaction to say that a young boy is a child molester in the making

The Joy Of Sex revolted me...I think it was the scrunched up tissues the beardy man was brandishing Eeeewww.

I don't think the OP implied it was anything very extreme though tbh.

Laurie - I feel the same. Not keen on porn at all. Never really used it. Don't particularly want the DC to see it as yet. BUT the OP asked if she was unreasonable in her reaction and I think she was. Completely.

agree she unreasonably overreacted to the 12 year old

Woah! hang on. I never expected this kind of response but I'm delighted that you all feel so strongly about this.

Before I read through all of the posts, may I just point out a few things I should have made clearer originally:

I didn't actually say "dirty little perverts" as we live in Switzerland & our neighbors generally speak french. I was certainly thinking "dirty little perverts", especially when dd later told me that this particular boy had put his hand up her t-shirt to "tickle" her a few days earlier during the Easter break. My dcs go to a local swiss private (& catholic) school & are probably a little more sheltered than your average 5-12 yr old.

The "comic book" is what is called a bande dessiné - a french hard-backed illustrated book - think Asterix etc - but in this case superbly drawn adult hard-core)

What I did say to this kid was "tu n'as pas honte de montrer ce genre de chose aux enfants!?" Basically, how could you show this kind of thing to little kids, are you out of your mind, you should know better. Where are your parents? Do they know about this? I'll bet they don't, etc. I didn't name-call, or accuse anyone of anything that I hadn't actually witnessed.

So now I've got that bit straight, I'll go back to reading what's been posted.

Sorry Cariboo but your OP does actually say: 'I shout at the boys, calling them dirty little perverts'

So obvioulsy everyone on the thread though you had called them 'dirty little perverts' because thats what your op said

The powers of telepathy are weak with us MNers, so we didnt actually know that you said something completely different to that, in French!

Why not mention that he had his hand up her skirt until now? That's a major detail which makes it a very different and more troublesome scenario than the one which you first described.

hand up her t-shirt, vinegar.

I murdered the thread! You lot were obviously spoiling for a big, nasty, she-must-be-a-troll, bust-up MN chat.

Sorry, but I am a regular "oldie" - been here for about 5 yrs - & usually dole out nice, calm, sound advice like the smart-ass I seem to think I am or sympathise with the underdog, so to speak.

LOL

Ah! AIBU by drip feed.

T-shirt sorry. That was me not Vinegar that made that mistake.

Gawd i get the blame for everything

I am so glad to come back and find OBM and others taking this seriously.
God we will be on Jordan being a good role model soon.

"Why not mention that he had his hand up her skirt until now? "

BEcAUSE that is how you DO a AIBU thread.

Sorry! And there's me banging on at people to read PROPERLY .

oh good! more comments!

Yes, I was a bit provocative & misleading in my OP. I should have thought it out a bit more but honestly I never expected such a reaction.

I had to modify the story a little because if I faithfully reported each & every moment of what happened, you'd have all fallen asleep!

Here is exactly what I saw from our bedroom window, which overlooks the front of our semi-detatched in rural Switzerland: Here is a fountain by the postboxes, which is where the children from the entire neighborhood congregate to chat, show off, whizz endless round and round on bikes & scooters. The noise of kids playing bounces off the surrounding buildings & makes a hell of a racket in the summer but that's the way it's going to stay until someone relents & releases enough of the taxpayer's money to build a playground - even a small, manky one with a broken swing & a plastic slide! DD was perched on her bike, one of her mates beside her. This boy, who is extremely charming & actually struck as being quite sweet before what happened happened, was standing on a step above dd, who was using one hand to help balance her bike. He repeatedly pushed this open book in her face. She turned away violently, saying no, no, stop, that's not for children, I don't want to look. He then started to show some of the other kids, including my ds(5) & our neighbor's daughter, also 5. Dd jumped away from her bike & rushed to cover the 2 little ones eyes (and for the 1st time I thought maybe catholic school was a good idea after all), but not before they'd seen whatever page this kid wanted them to see. Remember, I was watching this from our bedroom window. I shouted out (in english)"what's going on?" and ran downstairs & outside where I was met by ds & dd. Both of them had their heads down & looked very upset. I repeated, "what's going on?" to which of course they both replied "nothing". I said "I saw you from the bedroom, what's that book X was showing you?" Dd said "it was a book for grown-ups" and ds nodded. I said okay, let's see this book & went to the fountain.

There you have it. A blow-by-blow account of what happened before I saw the book. dd told me about the "tickling" incident after. Then I called the Swiss equivalent of childline, to ask advice. They were engaged so I rang the local gendarmerie, also to ask advice, nothing else. I admit I was angrier than I ever remember being but I was v. calm & reasonable on the phone. I didn't want to scare the dc.

I LOVE YOU

Minty
arf

While it may not be inevitable that people see porn, sooner or later every child is going to see or encounter something that s/he finds distressing or confusing or frightening, or which an adult considers to be age-inappropriate. Where I do think a lot of people over-react in a silly way is in regarding porn as being possessed of superpowers: children can be given messages that their parents find inappropriate or wrong from various sources on various subjects, whether it's a born-again supply teaching loon telling them they are all going to hell if they don't love baby Jesus, or a playmate's older sibling giving them far more graphic information than is appropriate about battery farming in order to convert them to veganism. If your child is frightened and upset - or fascinated but uncomprehending - by something s/he has been told or shown, you need to reassure first, give neutral information where you can, and perhaps if necessary steer the DC towards finding out age-appropriate info on the subject.

Oh for crying out loud - it pisses me off SO MUCH when people do this!

Or is there a special mumsnet clique (which I am not invited to join, naturally) who can tell just by the typeface that when a poster says "I shout at the boys, calling them dirty little perverts" she ACTUALLY means "I was justifiably very angry with the boys, told them their behaviour was totally unacceptable confiscated the book and told them that I would be speaking to their parents.

Oh, and who can pick up telepathically a vital fact about the past interaction between these children that changes the situation significantly.

I give up.

See now, you didnt sound so hysterical in that post OP, no mention of 'dirty little perverts' the power of 'text' eh?