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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DS to go to nursery full time...?

180 replies

LadyOfWaffle · 15/04/2009 16:33

He went from 3 mornings to 5 mornings over the last half term and is starting a new nursery on Monday that's 5 afternoons, but they have started a lunctime club so you can join a morning and an afternoon together. I am a SAHM but DS seems to need so much more than I can give him (he loves school so so much) and TBH I could do with the longer break to look after DS2 (who seems to take second place abit?) and start some college work. He has just turned 3, which makes me feel like I am coping out abit IYSWIM... I just feel guilty for even dreaming thinking about it.

OP posts:
roulade · 15/04/2009 16:38

My ds 2.9 has been in fulltime nursery since last august and he adores it! Even if i didn't have to work i would still like him to go at least a couple of times a week to keep him stimulated!!

Reallytired · 15/04/2009 16:38

If you can afford it and your son is happy then why not? Lots of children go to full time nursery for one reason or another.

My son attended nursery 50 hours a week at the age of 3 because I was studying. I don't think it did him any harm.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/04/2009 16:40

LadyWaffle (love you name). If he likes it as much as you say then why not. I agree with the DC2 taking second place a little I have this sometimes. My DS1 who is 3 goes 9-6 MWF and 9-3 (core day at his nursery) on Tues and Thurs. DS2 who is 15 months is starting nursery this week and will only go 9-6 MWF and tues and thurs we do something nice together until we pick up DS1. And DS1 loves nursery and I just make sure we make the most of all the other time we have togther.

If you have college work as well then do it, that is the greater good of all of you.

thisisyesterday · 15/04/2009 16:40

ermmmm, yes, I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

I think you must be lacking in self confidence a bit to think that he needs more than you can give him. there is a LOT to be said for being at home with your mum IMO!

i think it's a bit of a shame to send him out all day every day

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 15/04/2009 16:40

It's 'only' 8.50 - 3, so not a hugely long day... hmmm... I think I need to talk to DH about it

OP posts:
violethill · 15/04/2009 16:41

Your post makes me smile because it just goes to show how women tend to beat themselves up over such decisions!!

You say your DS LOVES nursery. So in fact, you'll be doing something that HE will enjoy, that's in HIS interests. What's to feel guilty about?

Is it because YOU would prefer to have him at home with you? Because if he really wants to be at nursery, then I think you know the solution really!

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 15/04/2009 16:42

I think you are pretty on the button thisisyesterday TBH... I just feel I cannot compare to the joys (and toys!) of his nursery (I'd call it a pre-school really though).

OP posts:
pooka · 15/04/2009 16:42

I personally think that at 3 if you don't have to send them full-time, is better not to. Obviously if you are working full time then you need full time childcare.

I couldn't do it. 5 sessions are way enough when they are so very little. IN terms of intellectual or social stimulus children do not need this on a full time basis, or at least no more than they would ordinarily get being at home with their parent/siblings. You still get 5 mornings/afternoons with your ds2. Seems like a good split as it stands.

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 15/04/2009 16:45

Maybe it's just him being off (for Easter) that's shown me how much Preschool is to him, maybe when we get back into the swing of the 5 afternoons it may seem enough again compared to the no sessions he has had for 2 weeks... Glad I stareted this thread now

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 15/04/2009 16:48

why not see how he goes doing his 5 afternoons.
then, after he's settled back into it then maybe add 2 mornings.

I just think you have them at home for such a short time that it's a real shame to send them out every day iyswim?
DS1 starts school in September and I never thought i'd feel like it but I'm really, really, really going to miss him when he's there full time!

Original poster
LadyOfWaffle · 15/04/2009 16:51

Yep, you're right As he gets towards joining the reception class I may add in a morning or so at a time , but I'll leave it as the 5 sessions a week for now. Thanks!

OP posts:
pooka · 15/04/2009 17:30

What I did when dd neared reception was to have 5 sessions over 3 days. So 2 full days and 1 morning. Just so she was used to the length of a school day, but I still had her at home for 2 and a half days of the working week.

With ds I think I'll maybe not even have him going for 5 sessions - perhaps one full day and a morning with lunch, just so he has a full day. It's odd but I'm more bolshy second time round wrt sending him because I realised after dd started school that that was it. I never feel like I get the best of her, apart from at weekends and holidays, because we're either rushing in the morning, or she's tired in the evenings.

Goodness knows how I'll be with No. 3!

MillyR · 15/04/2009 17:44

Where I live all children get free school nursery places for the entire school day, 5 days a week for the whole year before reception year. Both of mine are summer birthdays and went to school at 3 and a couple of months. They loved it. It seemed totally normal and all the children locally do it except those that chose steiner school.

That said, some are ready for nursery at 2 and some are not ready at 5. If the childcare is good quality, and your child is type that wants to go, then send him.

lou222 · 15/04/2009 18:53

i bet if you asked most children do they want more toys or more time with mum they'd want more time with mum
you will never get that time back

violethill · 15/04/2009 18:58

Ah I wondered how long til the doom merchants waded in like this lou.

The OP said her little boy LOVES going to nursery. Are you suggesting that she doesn't know her little boy as well as you do?

SHE is the parent, SHE knows her own child. He sounds a lovely independent bright little spark to me. Sad that some women feel threatened that their children might not need them as much as they need their children.

QuantitativeMeasure · 15/04/2009 19:02

My boys both used to prefer being at Nursery. Much more fun than being at home with me.

rubyslippers · 15/04/2009 19:03

do it

and if you think it is too much then reduce it again

you know your DS best

KERALA1 · 15/04/2009 19:06

My 2.9 year old hates nursery. She only goes for a few hours once a week I had to decrease it. She seems ok when I pick her up but gets very upset at the drop off. May abandon it altogether she is much happier at home. Children are in institutional care for so many years seems a shame not to make the most of the freedom if you can.

oldwomanwholivedinashoe · 15/04/2009 19:07

If you want ot do it - just do it. i wouldn't feel guilty. i work full time as a teacher and in the holidays i still pay for some child care as I would DIE without 'me' time. Im not a nautral mummy and can totally undersatnd why you would consider this. As long as your choice is not putting financial strain on the home and your son truly loves going them why not? Why shouldn't you have some time to your self and enjoy yourself? Did you stop having a personality and needs when you had a child - no so indulge yourself. dont feel guilty.

QuantitativeMeasure · 15/04/2009 19:07

'Institutional Care'

Bloody hell- you make it sound like a workhouse

KERALA1 · 15/04/2009 19:11

No not a workhouse. But an organised structured environment which it has to be to care for that many children properly. My dd doesnt like the noise and chaos of these places. Sure some kids love it (I see them enjoying it when I pick her up). But some don't.

Legacy · 15/04/2009 19:14

Do it.

Being at home with Mum and a baby doesn't always offer all the stimulus children of this age need. And, more importantly, as you say, he LOVES it which is the most important thing.

He sounds like a lovely, sociable little boy.

And all I would say to all the doom-merchants is that even now, in Year 2, at age 6, I can identify the children who didn't do to nursery before starting school... they are the whingey, clingy, tearful ones who seem to find it difficult to make friends in the playground...

pooka · 15/04/2009 19:22

But legacy - the OPs ds is already going to pre-school. He goes for 5 sessions a week.

I think it's a bolleaux frankly to say that at year 2 the ones who didn't go to nursery are whingy, clingy and tearful. Load of crap. And you aren't of course specifying what level or amount of nursery time you're talking about - after all most children do go to pre-school/nursery/play group/whatever for at least a few sessions a week before starting school. As the OPs son already does.

I think it is a bit rich to call the people who have said that they think full time where not necessary might be a bit much "doom mongers".

Portoeufino · 15/04/2009 19:23

I agree with Violet. Little babies NEED their mums more than anything. After that they need stimulation. Sometimes Mum can't provide enough especially when there are many other things to do. And siblings to look after.

It can be MORE fun for them to be somewhere that is entirely focused on THEM, and with children the same age to fight play with.

KERALA1 · 15/04/2009 19:24

So what would you suggest Legacy when my dd has consistently said she hates it and becomes distressed when I leave her? Ignore her and tell her to toughen up or acknowledge she doesnt like it and stop sending her?

Fwiw my mother is also a primary school teacher of 30 years standing thinks your last comment a load of nonsense.