To want DS to go to nursery full time...?

[LadyOfWaffle]

He went from 3 mornings to 5 mornings over the last half term and is starting a new nursery on Monday that's 5 afternoons, but they have started a lunctime club so you can join a morning and an afternoon together. I am a SAHM but DS seems to need so much more than I can give him (he loves school so so much) and TBH I could do with the longer break to look after DS2 (who seems to take second place abit?) and start some college work. He has just turned 3, which makes me feel like I am coping out abit IYSWIM... I just feel guilty for even dreaming thinking about it.

jesus wept of course people are being judgey

LoW asked a nursery question.she got replies.fair bit of judging too

nursery questions always polarises replies.but lets not be deluded - some of the replies are extremly judgey

essentially up to her,what she does with her own child.frankly we can all likey or likey not.

why did you bother having him if you are gonna get somebody else to look after hin

i don't really know how nurserys work (never used one)...but if i was running a nursery i would give priority to working parents...

it's up to you re; sending dc f/t...but i'm glad i spent everyday with my dc when they were young...time goes so quickly...i loved it.

What? are you saying we shouldnt have dc unless we look after them FT ourselves?

god if i spent every min of every day with with my dc i would go nuts!

nursery give priority to any paying customer.cash is king

profit is the main reason to run any business.no one altruistically opens a nursery.just because

straight forward financial transaction.
parents need chidcare.they pay nursery

no,definately not, but 5 days is abit much when you dont need to send him. i use a nursery 2 days a week as i work so appreciate the benefits they give. yes the kids love it there, but they also enjoy being at home spending time with us in a stable, loving happy home.
just dont see the point in having kids if you dont enjoy spending time with them thats all

oh i know that sm...but if i only had 2 places i'd give it to the parent who had a job...not the one who just wanted to go shopping.

oh lordy someone will pop up and say missing precious moments in a minute

already had the

why have 'em then touted

ahhh,MN liberal and inclusive able to tolerate differences and discuss (except SAHM/Working Mum/Nursery it seems)

So you send your kid to nursery pt yet you judge someone for wanting to send theirs ft? and does that mean they dont come home to a 'stable loving happy home'? (why even mention 'stable loving home' ffs) did the op tell us she didnt enjoy spending time with her ds? i must have missed that

get off your high horse, i send my kids cos i have to work!am not judging maybe you shoud look at your own posts before using the word judge
IMO if you dont need to send them 5 days, then dont. some people have to work fulltime and i truely respect them for this as it must be really hard to only see your kids in the eveniong and weekends.
thats my opinion, like it or lump it vinegar

katiestar, my db put his eldest in nursery because he did have some difficulties coping with other children

not because my db and SIL could not cope , but because they wanted him to have more of a chance to practise before starting big school

it worked a treat and he has done absolutely fine at school

for him, it was absolutely the right thing to do

lets examine the "why have em hypothesis"

ok,say go to Uni Undergrad and postgrad.finish at 22yo.work.have child at 30yo (average age for first time mum)

Then what?

No working?for how long
says who?
8 years then wham.mandatory mum and nowt else

this advocates a giving it all up ethos.all or nothing.being a mum is about love attachment,bonding.affirmation.

mums can do that and work you know

hey Karen mathews didnt work.she was there for all her children.when she wasnt imprisoning them

sahm does not equate good mum
working does not equate bad mum
shame it has to be seen in such reductionist terms sometimes

depends on many other factors.......
nature/nurture
class
attachment
love
values

i would have hoped the fact that we have choices would be celebrated

'why did you bother having him if you are gonna get somebody else to look after hin '

Nasty judgey comment

i agree sm...some children are better off at nursery for sure.

I havent judged anyone on this thread

lets agree to disagree
better things to do than argue on here.
dont post on an unreasonable thread if you dont want others opinions

Yours wasnt an opinion, it was a nasty judgey comment

cycling christ too many humphy faces.your comment was acerbic and unnecessary GM05

I have a 9month old in nursery 3 days a week 7:30am-5:30pm because I work. I am being made redundant and will not be looking for another job, DH has agreed that DS will continue nursery one day a week and I'm fully prepared to say IT'S BECAUSE I'M LAZY. That one day a week I'm gonna have a lie-in, do some clothes shopping, maybe have a cup of tea and read a magazine in starbucks, oh yes I'm going to enjoy that day. If DH is lucky he may come home to a cooked meal on that day, but maybe not.

As per usual this thread has descended into Working v non working parents it is not the issue!
The op asked a simple question AIBU sending him to nursery full time, no mention of getting a job/studying/development issues etc but purely because she 'can't entertain him at home.

My reply is yes YABVU because
FT isn't necessary, PT gives plenty of self time.
It is completely different to the working parent issue where career stagnates ya da da da....
Completely different to having an illness/mental health issues that make you unable to cope.
IMO it is bone idle to send small children to nursery full time (as opposed to PT) so you can sit watching day time TV and drinking coffee with friends all day, with the odd mooch round doing house work.

I am studying, working as a CM and have a 12mth old but they still do no more than 21 hours between them in nursery!
My view is that your job as a parent is to provide financially and emotionally for your child. If you need to work then compromise is the only option. If you don't need to work and don't want to meet their needs, don't have them.

Its my opinion, like someone else said, like it or lump it.

actually she mentioned "start some college work".perhaps facilitated by having so much on her plate

this does not need to be so reductionist.perhaps consider depth and breadth of options

not just either
a have 'em and provide if necessary
b if don't have to work.be there.or else why have em

and eh what about all variables in eteween

lordy

how did it all get so heated and concrete.is it so incomprehensible that someone may want to occupationally put their own child in nursery.perhaps as she said to pursue college

You know - when you see these threads every fibre of you says "don´t click, DON´T CLICK" but you do... and I feel rotten by the end of it. It´s all well and good to say it´s not working mum vs sahm but it DOES always boil down to that because in defending the stay at home option all of these negative things about nursery are slung around. And of course that it going to make working mums defensive. Of course we all want the best for our kids and we are all trying to do that in the best way we know how.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and to shout it from the rooftop for all to hear. But what is judicious is realising that no matter what your preconceptions are, it is safe to assume that you do not know the ins and outs of why people make the decisions they do. And that therefore you should just try to give them the benefit of the doubt and if you can´t support them at least hold off on the slating.

There is nothing in the OP that suggests she wants the extra time to lie around scratching her arse while her child sits rocking himself in a corner at an anonymous childcare institution.

I think kids love being with their mums, they often love nursery too. What is good for the whole family is hopefully what is good for the child because that child´s wellbeing is (in a healthy family, obv.) so tied up with the choices parents make that it is hard to separate the two.

sigh. must not click on any more nursery threads

Ok many apologies, I had missed the college work bit. However, I still think it is a mistake to put ds1 into full time childcare because he may feel pushed out by ds2. It may well create jealousy. IME with dd1, she has felt like this on her first week of pre-school every morning, which started this week. Friday she said she didn't want to go and that she wanted to go swimming with dd2 and me, even though she swam the day before. That was her way of saying she was missing us.

maveta I have no issue at all with nursery, I send mine for socialising with children the same age and so I get time to study for my degree module. I have also been a FT working mum for a few months and hated missing my dd. I was lucky that we could just about cope without my wage and then I became a CM and saw the other perspective. No matter how loving/caring or stimulating a childcare facility is, it can not and should not attempt to replace parents. Parents are usually the best people to provide care for children, even parents judged as being poor would mean no less to their child iyswim.