To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Well done, CM, found you. Hope Stars and the rest are here too.

Stars...?

Yes I'm here!
We will have to keep bumping or something so it stays in active convos.

I was post 1001 on the old one

Bumping... Hello, we're over here!!!

Mumsnet have now kindly put a link to this thread on the old one. Hurrah!
So now everyone should be able to find it.

Hope you're ok stars. xx

Hope you're okay stars. Let us know how the rest of today went xx

Yay! Was looking for the new thread before dinner, well done CM!

Hope you are ok stars - I am nervous for you because it is your H's birthday.

just posting so this stays on my threads.
glad you made some calls today stars.

I'm worried for you too stars but you do sound stronger today. If you've reached a turning point in your head it won't be long before you reach a practical turning point and find the strength to leave. Keep updating regularly so we don't worry. Take care.

Hope you're ok.

I hope that you're OK and not got into any 'trouble' about birthday....

Another lurker here wishing you all the strength in the world.

As someone else said by leaving you will also be doing him a favour. You must not feel guilty or worry about betraying him. He needs serious help and realising what he's lost might actually be the wake up call he needs. Having read some of your other threads he's clearly been on a nasty downward spiral for some time and it can't be long before he starts losing it with his bosses, colleagues and lord knows who else. If you do nothing he could lose a lot more than you and cause you and your children even more misery.

And you absolutely must not pretend the abuse has not been happening. Be honest with those who need to know and ensure you have the protection you might need.

If it helps you, think of leaving as being the best thing for all of you, even him, although he doesn't deserve it. Stay strong and positive x

It sounds like you've made some good progress today stars.

If you do feel that two weeks is too long, you should be able to go down to your local council building to speak to them about housing, benefits etc - most (if not all) offer a drop in service. There is also Citizens Advice, Sure Start (if you are in a SS area), and if necessary the local police.

I really hope that you have a stress free evening and that your H causes you no problems tonight.

Only just managed to sign in.

He came home on time and is being very nice.
He did'nt moan about no presents and even said sorry for yesterday and that he was being an idiot.

I know from past experience that the day after he has been out on a bender he is usually like this and feeling sorry for himself.
He is obviously tired and probably suffering the after effects of yesterday.

I am feeling very confused at the moment.
I am not used to it and find it a bit uncomfortable.
I also have the usual feelings of guilt,betrayal,is he really that bad,maybe he is sorry this time,what am I doing,allsorts of feelings really.

It has made me feel very depressed for some reason.
Not saying I wanted him to be drunk tonight but somehow that is easier in keeping my resolve going to leave.

Found it!

Hope your evening is okay Stars?

Stars darling, the fact that your husband has arrived home on time and is being nice should be normal, not something that would confuse someone.

The fact that this type of behaviour is confusing you shows how out of the ordinary it is.

How sad that him being on time and being nice is not normal.

Please try not to feel guilty. You've done nothing wrong. Take care of yourself. xxxx

One night of reasonable behaviour doesn't make up for years of drunken abuse though... And doesn't even make up for the last week... This is where you go back to the other threads and remind yourself why you're doing this. And enjoy the unusual peace - are the kids getting a bedtime story from him for once?!

I've read the whole previous thread and want to say Stars you sound like a warm, compassionate and patient person.

Please do not let anyone tell you what to do or not to do ever again.

Think of the future and how you would like it to be. Warm and sunny and full of friendship!

Sending you lots of support along with all the others.

Hi stars.......I think those feelings are normal, I know I had them when I was dithering over leaving my exh. It's all part of the abuse,and leaving process, doubting things , thinking about it,feeling unsure. But once you are free from feeling so tied, you'll see how it benefits everyone.

This may not be qiote right in the case of an alcoholic but there is a well-established cycle of abuse in so many cases.

Well doen for making that call today Stars, I can imagine it was a big step to make.
As others said him being 'normal' should not confuse you, that is what it shoudl be like all the time.
GO and re-read your other threads if you can to remind yourself that the odds on him continuing in this manner are very slim.

Again, well done for taking that first step!

Well done Stars! Hope you found the woman on the other end of the phone as supportive as she sounds

stars hope you get that new home soon xxx