To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Stars, you are doing brilliantly well, you sound stronger with every post, never mind every day. Your calm response to his goading insults prove evermore just who is the one who is 'twisted in the head'.

One thing that is worrying me though is that because his taunts are not having their usual effect on you, he might feel he has to 'step up a gear'. I hope leaves you in peace tonight.

'Go Stars, Go Stars'!!! Hey! you sound so positive! You know that you don't have to suffer the 'holiday' where you are don't you? You could probably even have a day here and there and visit some MN around the country with your two dcs - that could be an interesting holiday! Can't put you up over the actual holiday, but let me know if you want to travel northwards after next Tuesday...

Hi Stars - there's a lot of us who would wait in line to kick his sorry arse for those comments. Keep positive.

He is now asleep snoring on the sofa.

I am a bit worried though I don't want to sound to confident as he may realise something is going on.
Maybe I should just act how I normally would.

Thanks everyone am getting there slowly but surely.

Stars, it is amazing how far you have come in such a short space of time. It really is.

I hope that H is asleep for the night now and causes you no hassle.

Have a great day tomorrow.

It's just a horrible situation to be in Stars, you're finding an inner strength you never knew you had but you daren't fully reveal it to your H for fear of what he might do next.

The sooner you are away from there, the sooner you can discover who you are again.

I think playing it cool is probably the way to go, one day though, when you are free of this life, you can show him just how strong you can be.

Spot on purplesponge, what a great post. Cautious, yet full of hope for the future.

hi stars, its lovely reading how positive and strong you're sounding

your sunny days are getting closer and closer. can you feel the warmth of the sun's rays on your face yet?

Excellent Stars - by letting the comments wash over you, and being prepared to fake the reaction he's looking for, what you're doing is taking power back!

Now you're ready to plan the better life that you and your DCs need, and administer the kick up the arse which may get H the treatment he needs

Phone again anytime - if I can't answer I can't (who'd have children eh), but I'll always be happy to talk

Stars, Have just discovered this thread and spent last two hours reading the whole of it. Spookily I'd just come back from my first counselling appointment to discuss my own H and clicked on this by chance. I think you and I have a few parallels (other than drink), that's another thread though..

I think you sound amazing, as do all the people who've given you such support. I hope you can find that extra boost of courage to get yourself out of there, I don't think you'll look back once you taste freedom. I'd echo some others though, and say don't behave too confidently in front of your H for now, as it will rouse his suspicion. Keep up the downtrodden appearance and know that it's now just an act, and you're really much stronger underneath. Will be following your story and hoping for a happy ending very soon.

Your definately getting stronger stars... as everyone has said...

Keep it up and keep looking forward I'm in hampshire (i know I've not been on this thread so much) but if you needed time away im always open... xxx

I keep checking on you every day just wondering (secretly hoping I guess) that you've made that step to leave...

I'm going to keep watching and praying, lots of love and strength to you
xxxxxxxxxx

I suppose your attitude has been strengthened by the overwhelming support you've had on here, telling you over and again that you were right all along, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S HIM!!!!

I agree that you should maybe keep your head down a bit. Think in your mind "yeah, right, you wanker" when he's unpleasant, but don't antagonise him.

That can come later, when you're safely away from him.

Morning Stars.

How are you this morning? How was things overnight?

Agree with clams post above

Stars,

I was thinking last night, and wondered:

if your H is completely comatose after one of his benders, asleep fully clothed on the bed or toilet, can anything wake him?

• I am thinking of a photo being taken?

Of course if there is a tiny chance that the flash/click would wake him up there is no point in taking the risk.

But if you know from experience that a bomb wouldn't stir him, then a photo might be a useful bit of evidence to have in the future...?

If you placed a copy of that day's paper next to him it would be in the picture and form sort of proof of dating (you couldn't prove it was that day exactly but it would be proof it wasn't before that date). It doesn't matter if the date can't be seen, the headlines would be good enough, eg at the moment all the front pages are full of those two awful boys. So he would be unable to claim in court that his drinking problems were all behind him and haven't caused a problem for years.

Apologies for making such a devious suggestion. I know you are worried that he will attempt to gain custody - they all say they will try! - and no judge in the land will award custody of two children to a man who can't even get himself undressed and into bed.

Feel free to flame me everyone for this suggestion.

Stars - it's so good to see the REAL you coming through in your posts! I've got nothing more to add to what everyone else has said, but I'm SOOO excited for you!

Morning Stars - I hope all remained calm last night and that he's gone to work none the wiser this morning. I am positive that we could arrange a UK tour for you and dcs staying a night or two in different locations - so if push comes to shove and you can't face the 2 weeks (less than that now of course) that WA indicated, just let us know and we'll see what we can do.

Stay positive on the inside, but don't let too much show for now.

Can you get out with the dcs today to the park or something?

Starsnstripes, I've just found this, and part 1, and then I read all the old threads which dreadpirate linked to.

You are so strong. You have been living in a nightmare for years; yet you are still your own person and have only this last step to be free and be yourself again. You're still in there and you will blossom and life will be great for you and your kids because you will make it so. Never doubt that.

Hello stars.
another day nearer to when you make your move (whenever that is that you are ready).

A lot of us on here don't have to hear your h's voice to understand the tone, we heard the same tone pointed at us for long enough.

I remember the stage when I stopped getting upset and it all sort of started to wash over me. The end wasn't far off from that stage as I recall.

You may have a point when you ask whether you should still act normal and not show him your new found confidence. I remember glaring back at my ex once when he was doing his 'did you come in on the bottom of my shoe' type treatment of me.

He squared up to me (he was a full 13" taller than me the bully arsehole) and put his face right into mine sneering 'go on then, start crying like you usually do' but there were just no tears there, like they'd been switched off along with the rest of my emotions where he was concerned.

It did seem to make him step it up a bit as if he had to prove to himself that he could still control me and make my life a misery

If he is used to you behaving in a certain way then (others will probably disagree) if you know you are going, then save all the confidence for dealing with him after you've gone.

Stars - hope everything is ok today. How are you feeling?

Just checking in to see how you're doing - keep strong!

Hi Stars,
If you get a minute, please take a look at the Emotional Abuse thread in Relationships - we are all rooting for you. Some of us are still in the abusive relationships, some are leaving, some have left the abusers way behind. No-one ever regrets leaving though.

Stars, hope you are ok.
I had a close friend who was married to an emotional abuser, spookily like your husband...he also had a previous marriage where he had been divorced for unreasonable behaviour and she was on anti-depressants.

I did notice you have 2 children, but your FIL bought a house, rents it to you and husband and has it in trust for DS?

So you and your husband will spend all your lives as either your FIL's tenants or tenants of your own son?
This sounds very strange to me. Is there a weird thing going on with your FIL too? Why does he want to bypass his own son and ignore his grand daughter?

Is your FIL controlling as well?

Like a lot of posters I think you are best off out of it. My friend still sees her exh and so does her son. It is not like there is no contact. She remarried to a very nice bloke who doesn't care when the food is on the table, runs a company and can still make his own beans on toast...

Please don't feel you are betraying him...how can you be? He hasn't really loved and respected you at all, has he?

Stars, just checking in to see how you are. Hope the fact that you haven't posted all day means that you are out in the sunshine with the DCs, taking an opportunity to relax.

Stars, I keep thinking of you and hoping you get chance to post soon.