To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

[chickenmama]

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

Morning stars

I can only reiterate what others have said, there should be no need for you to feel grateful that your home is calm and that your husband is temporarily managing not to behave like a drunken bully. That should be your right.

Mistlethrush is so right, we all sense that the resolve to leave is there which is why we're all sticking with this thread.

Morning! Glad to hear you had a peaceful night! And glad you're reading through all the wonderful posts people are leaving. It sounds like you're only a hair's breadth from leaving now.

Are you going into town today? Maybe you can take the kids, and on the way nip into the mobile phone shop and get yourself a mobile connection dongle for your laptop? That's one thing on your list you can get done, so when you've left you can still get here and talk to us all...

Have you talked to your sister this week? Does she know yet how close you are to leaving? You said your neice had a car - is it worth having her on standby just in case? (I'm on standby too of course!)

Hello Stars

Just checking in to agree with everyone else.

Do not feel apprehensive ANY MORE.....

why should you??????

No-one should live their life frightened to death of what some-one else may or may not do tonight. That is just totally ridiculous.

There is a whole new life out there waiting for you.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

PMSL - I'll go and grab my pompoms, but please can I be excused the little lycra outfit? I think stars has suffered enough trauma already, and me in lycra would be too, too cruel.

I hope that you have a good day with the children, stars - and getting a wireless dongle would be a good thing.

I'll be back later.
xxxxx

The kids are fine,they are plaing nicely for the moment.

The thought of him having time at the moment does fill me with dread to be honest.
I just can't seem to be myself when he is around.
The children of course would like it as DS was asking how many days daddy would be home.

Am going into town tomorrow,but it would be difficult to go to the mobile phone shop then as DS would question what I was buying and would probably mention it to H.

My niece is coming over tomorrow with her daughter for a visit so looking forward to a chat with her.
Spoke to my sister on friday and she is livid at the moment and wanted to come over and say something to H.
Of course she would'nt but she feels guilty that I am dealing with this alone.

Still have the feelings of apprehension.
I know you should'nt wish your life away but wish I could ust forward a couple of weeks and go to these appointments I have booked so I am more prepared for what is to come.

shake it like a pom pom blame DD for burning this song into my brain.

clicked too early, that's for all the cheerleaders, and for you too Stars!

We're all behind you Stars

Stars - how about asking your niece to get the dongle for you and bring it? And tell your sister not to feel guilty - her speaking to H could have a bad effect - he'd most likely take it out on you and/or the kids. Much safer to say nothing until you're safely somewhere he can't touch any of you.

stars you should tell your sister everything. it is important someone else in RL knows exactly what is going on. also important she doesn't say anything as it isn't going to help at all.

"Am feeling slightly apprehensive today.
Am thinking tonight he will ethier have realised after me making no fuss for his birthday that I have come to the end of the road with it all and come home and make an effort OR will have had time to think aout it and be pissed off."

Either way, he will bring up the fact there was "no fuss for his birthday" sooner or later and unfortunately, until he does, I doubt that feeling will go away
While you're waiting for him, he's got the control. It's classic.

Please don't let that make you feel apprehensive about leaving as well, though. Try and see it as yet another justification to leave, on an already overflowing list!

Stars, why don't you email your sister the link to this thread?

STars...don't let it rock your resolve that for a short while he makes and effort. It is easier to go when things are awful but remember this is probably the lull before the next storm.

A friend of mine left her ex and says on the way to the station she cried buckets and doubted herself that she had made the right decision as he had been making an effort. he came to the station (don;t know why) and after talking to him for just 5 minutes he said something awful that reminder her that it was only her self-doubt and lack of confidence that was making her waver in her decision - confidence that had been erroded by the abusive behaviour of her ex.

So, if you waver, you may be doubting yourself, don;t. Leopards rarely change their spots and you sound so unhappy. Life away has to be better than how you are living.

stars, don't mistake your H "making an effort", this man does nothing that won't benefit him

Have been reading this from the begining since yesterday evening. What a terrible person your H is .

I am willing you to keep up that momentum and make the break asap. Stay strong, it's not your fault, it's his fault. Soon, living with him will just be a bad memory and you will feel more free than you have in years.

Still here offering virtual support

Hi Stars, I have been reading the thread and I am so sorry about your whole situation, and especially for your DCs.

I agree with most people that you should leave, if just to give yourself the headspace to think away from the toxic atmosphere of your home.

Something that might help you, going forward, is getting in touch with Al-Anon, which is in a reputable organization. From their website: " Al-Anon Family Groups provide support to anyone whose life is, or has been, affected by someone else?s drinking".

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Sorry if this has already been suggested.

PMSL-thanks for the pom pom song.

Had a nice chat with dreadpirate this morning,really helped,thanks dreadpirate.

Have told my sister most things and know she will not say anything at all.

Not sure if he will mention his birthday or not he may not bother,difficult to say.

My resolve has wavered a bit this morning but feel a bit better this afternoon.

I have contacted al anon before a couple of years ago but I think it has gone past that for me now as don't intend to stay with H and support him or put up with the drinking anymore.

Notice the football is on tonight so whether he will stay out and watch it or come home.
Should not be sat here worrying ahead of time what may happen tonight....

What can we do to help Stars? Why did you have a wobble?

I am glad that you had a good talk this morning - I hope that helped with things.

You're not doing yourself any favours being in a situation where you are on edge all the time. I am not surprised that you are stressed etc. Realistically, this is not going to sort itself out until you are away from the situation making you stressed in the first place.

I hope that you've managed to get out and get a bit of sun today - great for making you feel a bit more positive about things

Could you get your sister to go to the Mobile phone shop for you? She could keep the phone for you until you need it.

Or even go yourself and tell your ds that you are getting it for your sister. Tell dh if he finds it that she could not get the model she wanted so asked you to get it.

Maybe that would make him suspicious.

Stars my love...

no you shouldn't be sitting there worrying about what may happen tonight.

At least now you can see that is so wrong.

Soon you will be able to do what I am doing at the moment.... after a day of work I am now looking forward to going out dancing.

I will go out at the time I choose and return at the time I choose. I will have a lovely social evening and I will come home to my own bed with no-one to be grumpy at me, or question me, or anything!

I may even eat cereal in bed when I come home. !

This will be you soon......!

xxxxxxx

Been out in the garden for a bit today.
We are off out tomorrow and my niece is coming round so will be nice to have a chat with someone face to face.

I mentioned to my niece about the internet connection and her husband is a dab hand apperently at such things so can help me set it up.

Looking forward to those types of evenings gettingagrip.

Probably should'nt have e mailed H but did just e mail him to ask what time he would be home for dinner.
To gage his mood really.

One word answer I got back "six"

Normal service resuming then stars by the sounds of things.

Soon you will not need to e-mail him to gauge his mood. Soon you will spend the day with your children and look forward to an evening relaxing in your home, doing what you want when you want to do it rather than creeping round trying to avoid notice incase your H starts ranting and raving. Soon.

Hopefully will be soon Alibaba.

I have in the few weeks cut down on sending e mails to his work about dinner as found the answer I usually got was short and sweet or the other favourite one would be "six I suspose"

Why the suspose I don't know.
Sounded like he did'nt want to come home at all.

Not sure what he's getting out of this marriage either, actually. It's not as if he appears to take any pleasure in the kids or your company. All he can see is the drink, I guess.