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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home? (continued)

1000 replies

chickenmama · 06/04/2009 17:40

Starting a new thread for starsnstripes as the old one got to 1000 posts.

Hope everyone finds this ok

And hope you're doing ok stars x

OP posts:
starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 17:54

clam-I have wondered that as well.
Obviuosly a roof over his head as not sure what that he would get to stay in the house if/when we split.
I suspose he thinks I will go the doctor be magically cured and he will carry on as normal.
Probably with one divorce behind him as well would not want to disppoint his parents again.

Alibabaandthe40bunnies · 07/04/2009 18:02

Stars do you know the reason for his divorce? Just wondering if his drinking was a problem even then?

purplesponge · 07/04/2009 18:04

Hi Stars, I'm glad your neice's husband can help with the internet issue, that is one little thing less to worry about.

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 18:07

Funny you should say that Alibaba.

I was telling dreadpirate today that I had'nt really connected the two together.
Drin king was a factor in his marriage and she had an affair but he took her back after awhile.
Also she had really bad anxiety and agoraphobia issues for which she was on medication and also went into hospital at some time.
Don't know all the details it was along time ago and had forgotten about it to be honest.

I know ,I know,ALARM BELLS RINGING.

MuppetsMuggle · 07/04/2009 18:21

Sounds very similiar to a his previous marriage Stars which is very worrying!

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 18:22

Was just in the kitchen making dinner,music up loud dancing around.
Children are drawing up the dining room table.
Was thinking how nice it would be for it to be like this all the time without worrying about what mood he is coming home in.

Well 6 o clock has come and gone ,H's watch must be playing up!!!!

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 18:29

x posts muppets-Yes I know what you mean.
Shame I did'nt realise that years ago.
But I suspose you always things things will be different second time around,he will have learnt his lesson.

clam · 07/04/2009 19:09

Could be that he's projecting his experiences with his ex-wife onto you. You know, assuming that you're flaky because she was. I know you've had some anxiety issues before, but perhaps he's made too much of them????

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 19:12

I think my anxiety issues developed in part at the beginning of our relationship.
Also losing my parents and brother and getting mugged in between all that did'nt help.
My sister was saying how different I am now to how I used to be.
Whether that is a combination of lifes experiences and H is hard to say.

MuppetsMuggle · 07/04/2009 19:18

I agree with clam about projecting his previous experiences - i just didn't know how to say it before!

Alibabaandthe40bunnies · 07/04/2009 20:12

Stars it really does sound as if he is thinking in his mind 'I have another problem in my marriage, medication and hospitalisation will fix her'. It's like he can't clearly see that you are not his first wife. The drink will not be helping him to have clarity!

Hopefully once he is forced to face up to his abuse when you leave via WA, he may finally seek proper treatment and become stable enough to be a good father to your DC's.

Is he home yet?

girlandboyWantsMoreEasterEggs · 07/04/2009 20:23

Stars, your last few posts sound so different to a few days ago. You sound so much more positive.

I'm proud of you - you can obviously see the way to go. And it's not being stuck at home waiting for an alcoholic to come in.

I'm sending you some good vibes.

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 20:25

I have come upstairs on the laptop.
Told him I was going to do the tesco food order online.
He asked if I could get him some coffee as he had run out and had noticed I bought myself some cappacuinos(sp) and had forgot to get his coffee.
He said I must have realised as I threw the old jar out.
He is downstairs now watching the football.

He came home in a taxi at 8pm.
I told him we ate earlier and his was in the oven as I thought he was going to be home at 6 as he said in his short e mail.

All he could say was
"I got your e mail,what reponse were your hoping for,something literary""
"I got distracted,was playing pool"
Then he opened the oven door and said sarcastically
"what is it,beans on toast?"

MuppetsMuggle · 07/04/2009 20:27

What a tosser!

How are you feeling this evening Stars?

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 20:28

Alibaba-not sure he ever will get help.
He poured himself a gin and tonic as soon as he got in.

girlandboy-am trying to stay positive.
I have noticed that were as before his cutting remarks would have given me an awful feeling in my stomach and made me want to cry I feel nothing now.

amidaiwish · 07/04/2009 20:33

what fantastic progress you have made since i have "spoken" to you on here - you sound so strong. Now all you need to do is summon up that extra bit of strength to make the move out of there.
i hope you have got together the life-paperwork
everything else is just "stuff" and nice to haves.
i'm really optimistic that in a few days you will be posting from a coffee shop via a wireless network having made the jump.

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 20:33

muppets-am feeling quite calm really.
Getting to the point where I am not feeling so guilty about doing this.
I can't explain but you would have to hear his tone of voice to know what I mean.
He just sounds so arrogant and like I am better than you and I have a right to talk to you like this.

MuppetsMuggle · 07/04/2009 20:50

no one has the right to talk down to you

Glad your feeling calm, from your posts you can tell you are getting stronger day by day. Have you started sorting things through ready for packing to get the hell out of there?

starsnstripes · 07/04/2009 20:57

muppets-Have a few things orgainised so he does'nt notice.
Clothes,paperwork etc.

Have just been downstirs to get a drink and he says I have been hiding away in bedroom the last couple of weeks.
Apperntly burying my head in the sand and he reminded me what he said the other night that I am twisted in the head at the moment.
I told him I was doing what he has done for years re his drinking burying my heqad in the sand.
He did'nt know what to say that and just gave me one of his famous stares.

amidaiwish-I am getting stonger whether I am ready yet is still be seen.

MuppetsMuggle · 07/04/2009 21:04

Well done for the quick witted response [proud] that took him back LOL.

Good that you are staying positive.

theDreadPirateRabbits · 07/04/2009 21:06

Oh good for you Stars! So glad you can let his insults wash over you now - let's get you out of there so you can relax

Hopefully we can meet up as we said - just mail me when you know what you're doing? And have a fantastic day tomorrow

Alibabaandthe40bunnies · 07/04/2009 21:13

Stars it is so wonderful to hear you talking like this

singalongamumum · 07/04/2009 21:15

Go, stars, go! So proud of you. It's so good to hear you regaining your confidence. It's going to take a lot of courage to make the final exit but I know you can do it. Looking forward to 'hearing' you say you're outta there. Oh, it'll be so worth it.

Stayingsunnygirl · 07/04/2009 21:17

.

{{{Hugs}}}

LobstersLass · 07/04/2009 21:26

Stars, you are bloody brilliant!
Your posts tonight have made me smile. I'm so happy that you're finding this strength!

Keep strong lovely!

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