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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the sleeping rough, drunk people

263 replies

fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 19:57

who accost me for spare change whenever I walk down the road with my two small children in tow. This happens at least 3 times a week.

I don't mean to generalise here and I know there are real genuine hard luck stories out there but these people do my head in.

If I have any spare change I will be spending it on my children thank you, not on your next Can of Special Brew or a contribution to your next wrap of Brown. Ask the single person in the smart suit or the well dressed young men coming out of the expensive bars that may be able to afford to help you out. Not a single mum with two small kids, pushing a falling to bits buggy.

Well am I?

OP posts:
Gorionine · 31/03/2009 20:29

slebMner, I agree help can mean much more than money. It can be food, a hot drink etc.. but, if you give "things" rather than money, your help is not always welcome.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:29

Oh I love how internet access is always brought into these discussions about people suffering financial hardship. My x pays my internet access for my autistic son who thrives with computer access. Hope thats ok.

OP posts:
GivePeasAChance · 31/03/2009 20:29

And?

You therefore know how easy it is to be at the edges of despair??

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:30

There are certain subjects that cannot be discussed honestly on MN. This is one of them and I think we all know the others as well because the second you express any negativity on these forbidden subjects you are labelled a........(insert relevant label).

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 31/03/2009 20:30

I don't think that fleur deserves a pasting, why don't you all think about what you are saying?
Buy them a cup of tea?
It's laughable

Portoeufino · 31/03/2009 20:31

Fairynuff, she doesn't HAVE to give anything. She can keep walking, or she can say politely that she doesn't have any money to give. She DOESN'T have to show no compassion though.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:31

Yes I do givepeasachance, so as I have two small children and one of them is clearly disabled you would think there might be a bit of compassion coming my way.

OP posts:
Ninkynork · 31/03/2009 20:31

"AIBU to be pissed off with sleeping rough, drunk people?"

Oh well, that's one less for the next MN meet-up

O.P if you are serious please heed the replies you get here as YABVVU!

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:32

And quite fucking rightly, to be honest if we could eradicate judgemental bigoted opinion on just one internet forum, the world would already be a slightly better place.

I am never going to agree with this kind of shit, its sickening to think people actually think like this.

What happened to 'all men are equals'? Doesn't apply to you, I presume.

GivePeasAChance · 31/03/2009 20:32

Sneering at someone who is down on their arse just isn't nice though is it? THat's all.

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:32

no, i was saying internet access as a way of demonstrating one more luxury, one more thing you have, that those people living rough don;t have

i care not a jot who pays for it, i think everyone should have internet, it is an amazing, valuable thing that cna make life so much simpler

you also have a bed, a pillow , a duvet, a telly, a fridge etc

i was trying to make the point, that however little you feel you have, and however hard it is, whihc i don;t doubt as a single parent with a lot going on, it can be incredibly difficult BUT you still have a home. and the luxury of being able to come home and start a thread on the interent about rough sleepers

you still have more than they do

staggerlee · 31/03/2009 20:33

Fleur, I work in a community mental health team whose client group is rough sleepers. I don't think I would give money directly to them for lots of reasons and think there are better ways of helping homeless people.

However in my experience its ok just to say 'no' politely. I've never had a negative experience and people have tended to accept no for an answer. I'm also a single mum to a 2 year old and I'll teach him that homelessness is sadly a fact of life (for all sorts of reasons)but that he should treat everyone with respect.

If you have worked in the field you will know that homelessness is a consequence of all kinds of experiences not just a liking for special brew. Of course your kids are a priority but no ones asking you to make a choice.

KerryMumbles · 31/03/2009 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 20:33

Well going on these posts fleur - next time one of these drunks come up to you - give them your house, your children, offer to service them all sexually and open a vein while you're at it. Then you might be acceptable to some of these nutters posters.

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:34

By Fairynufff on Tue 31-Mar-09 20:28:36
Oh fgs SlebMner WHY has she got to give anything. Just because someone comes up and instantly asks for money or anything: sex, your house, your first born - do you give it to them? NO.

i have said lower down the thread, she does not have to give anything

love the comparison of spare change to a child

you are so missing the point

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:34

Are fairymuff and fleur the same person?

mrsruffallo · 31/03/2009 20:34

She didn't say she sneered she said she wished they wouldn't ask her for money

nomoreamover · 31/03/2009 20:35

southeast LOL at your doddery fella!!! I often used to get drunk as a student in Laaandan taaan and bring home various homeless people on the night bus with me - make them a bed in the corridor of my halls of residence and make them eat huges vats of pasta and run them a bubble bath.......

how embarrassed am I now?!!!

But to be fair - they were all always so happy the next morning cos they'd slept in the warm for a night.

Now I have children I agree OP - it changes my perseption - now I would be paranoid they'd hurt my kids.....what happened to the compassion of my youth?....I had children and they became the centre of my universe - so i guess I get where you are coming from OP - although maybe you didn't present it in the most appropriate way for judgy old mumsnet!

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:35

fairy , you are taking this to a ridicoluos conclusion

it has been said several times the OP does not have to give anything

she can say no politely and walk on

or ignore

or buy a cup of tea or a sarnie

she asked was she being unreasonable to be pissed off, overwhelming opinion is yes

does that make us all nutters?

in your opinion maybe, but no-one is saying you have to give, but that compassion and human decency cost nothing

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:36

Thanks MrsRuffallo. I am really surprised by how het up everyone has got on here.

At no time have I slagged homeless people off. I am understanding of them because of my past experience working with them. The ones who ask me are ALWAYS without exception under the influence of something. Telling the truth, just because it is unpalatable is not being lacking in compassion or narrow minded.

If anyone can find anything in any of my posts where I actively criticise homeless people I would be very surprised. I am realistic and aware. Its a very different thing.

I expressed exasperation at being asked multiple times a week for money, it all adds up you know.

Why don't you all read what I have actually posted.

OP posts:
Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 20:36

DSM - not the same and I don't get accosted by strangers for money but I can have empathy for a single mother with a disabled child who does regularly and is sick of it. Can't you?

Portoeufino · 31/03/2009 20:37

If I had to sleep rough, I think drink and drugs would be about the only thing to look forward to really! I have a nice warm house, and I still NEED that big glass of wine at the end of the day. My smart, professional DH smokes Pot on occasion to chill out.....

Imagine if your life consisted of hanging about on the streets all day, being looked down on by passers by, who don't know anything about you, and how you came to be there.....

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:38

Got to be DSM, Mrs Ruffalo too I should think. Little gang of evil homeless people haters. Get a grip.

OP posts:
GivePeasAChance · 31/03/2009 20:38

Fairynuff, if only I could actually say "fair enough". Your points are so beyond comprehension. What on earth are you talking about - giving away your house??

And I am one of the nutters

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:38

the people asking for spare change do not know her circumstances, they are not singling her out, how would they know she is a single parent?

i imagine they ask lots of people