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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the sleeping rough, drunk people

263 replies

fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 19:57

who accost me for spare change whenever I walk down the road with my two small children in tow. This happens at least 3 times a week.

I don't mean to generalise here and I know there are real genuine hard luck stories out there but these people do my head in.

If I have any spare change I will be spending it on my children thank you, not on your next Can of Special Brew or a contribution to your next wrap of Brown. Ask the single person in the smart suit or the well dressed young men coming out of the expensive bars that may be able to afford to help you out. Not a single mum with two small kids, pushing a falling to bits buggy.

Well am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:20

What exactly is my attitude to addictions Surfermum? Please give me an example (using text from my posts if you wish) that gives any indication of any negativity I have for peoples addictions.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 31/03/2009 20:21

cant say i ever give them money but will often go and buy them a cup of tea. Kindness cost nothing much you know, and they arent harming your kids, just showing them what not to become.

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:21

They aren't asking you to put their needs in front of your kids?

If they said:
'excuse me, can you please give me that £5 that you were going to buy your DC's lunch with and let them go without today?'
Then yes, they would be.

They are asking you if you can spare some change.

If you can't, then say no.

Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 20:22

VintageGardenia - unnecessary and probably way off the mark.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:22

Vintagegardenia, what do you think I do when they ask? Scream abuse. My children see me putting THEM first, as they get older they will see how I struggled and what my situation was.

What should I be doing instead?

OP posts:
DSM · 31/03/2009 20:22

Karma is a fucker, Fleurchante. I do hope that you never need help from strangers.

Portoeufino · 31/03/2009 20:22

Last winter in Brussels, we had temperatures dwon to about -13 degress. There were a group taking refuge in the entrance to one of the Metro stations. They had a little Xmas tree there. I gave them the carrier bag of beer I had just bought for DH. I don't care how they came to be there, but I was going home to my nice warm house. I hope they appreciated it a little bit. A bit more than DH would have anyhow.....

mrsruffallo · 31/03/2009 20:23

YANBU
It annoys me too. I think can't you see I've got children? Why would I give you money for your next fix when I could spend it on them.
I can't help it that's how I feel.

They are mostly drug addicts and you are not do them any favours giving them cash anyhow, you will just feed their addiction.

You all sound so green on here sometimes!

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:23

Any of you get asked this question three or four times a week by drunks staggering around and invading you and your children's personal space, towards the end of the week when you have no money left?

OP posts:
SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:23

you can say no politely

you can buy them a sandwich or cup of tea

you can pretend they don;t exist

but don;t expect all of MN to agree with you having the luxury of being pissed off with the homeless

cory · 31/03/2009 20:23

Why would it be better if they asked someone without children? I've got children in tow and I'm still not near the breadline. Know plenty of childless people who are considerably more skint than me, because they earn less. Why should they ask them instead?

Besides, I was a lot poorer before I had kids. Happens to lots of us.

There is nothing about motherhood that turns you into some kind of martyr over and above any experiences that other people may have.

Some mothers suffer, others don't. Some childless people suffer, others don't.

Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 20:24

fleurchaunte - I would give up. They have completely missed the spirit of your OP...

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:25

About that Karma, my abusive husband deserted me after years of mental and physical abuse and I cannot work because my child has special needs and I need to be constantly available for him, I have no family nearby and am alone with my dc, does that count?

OP posts:
SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:25

for those who object to giving money, give food

why go out of your way to disdain and sneer and look down on people with addiction

it is an addiction, and a drug problem but more visible than the middle classes sinking bottles of chablis and imported beer and cocaine after their organic gigot of lamb on a saturday night

GivePeasAChance · 31/03/2009 20:26

Holier than thou attitudes

You sound incredibly precious about your children........and incredibly confident about all your futures in that you will never ever end up in a desperate situation in need of help from other people.

I assume these values will be passed onto your wonderful children too.

It only takes a few words " no, sorry I haven't". Bit of interuption to your perfect day - big deal.

Someone else said it already "there for the grace of god go I".

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:26

That might be because the OP was somewhat lacking in 'spirit'..

Portoeufino · 31/03/2009 20:26

I get asked for money or cigarettes 3 or 4 times or more a DAY at the Gare du Nord on my way to and from work. Sadly I just smile and keep walking. I don't like doing that, particularly with women, and children - yes children , but i don't succumb because the latter group are professionally exploited. At least the old drunks get to keep the money you give them.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:26

Thank you again Fairynufff and all of those who saw what I was actually trying to say.

There are just some things that cannot be discussed honestly on MN.

OP posts:
SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:26

fairy, the spirit of teh OP was 'AIBU to be pissed off by those less fortunate asking for spare change?'

the OP has a roof over her head

food in her tummy

internet access

the luxury of feeling superior

don;t see what there is to be sympathetic about

mrsruffallo · 31/03/2009 20:26

It's not about people selling the big issue is it?
Nor is it about people needing urgent help from someone in the street.
OP doesn't sound like she is lacking in compassion- she has seen the reality of these situations as part of her worklife.

Maybe that's the difference.

oxocube · 31/03/2009 20:27

OP, I see why you are frustrated but not why you can't say "sorry, I can't help". Why be so angry? They fact that these people may have alcohol or drug problems doesn't make them unworthy of pity or compassion.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:27

Read my last post givepeasachance.

OP posts:
Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 20:28

Oh fgs SlebMner WHY has she got to give anything. Just because someone comes up and instantly asks for money or anything: sex, your house, your first born - do you give it to them? NO.

She sounds like she's got enough on her plate and I'm shocked by the lack of compassion from mns preaching exactly the same thing to her. Hypocrites.

southeast · 31/03/2009 20:28

i used to give fags to a doddery old fella. he used to wait for me every morning .

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:28

Can someone explain to me what I am missing in the 'spirit of the OP'?

And, what 'things that cannot be discussed honestly on MN.'

Is this not an honest discussion? so, because some people feel differently than you, we are not being honest?

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