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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off by the sleeping rough, drunk people

263 replies

fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 19:57

who accost me for spare change whenever I walk down the road with my two small children in tow. This happens at least 3 times a week.

I don't mean to generalise here and I know there are real genuine hard luck stories out there but these people do my head in.

If I have any spare change I will be spending it on my children thank you, not on your next Can of Special Brew or a contribution to your next wrap of Brown. Ask the single person in the smart suit or the well dressed young men coming out of the expensive bars that may be able to afford to help you out. Not a single mum with two small kids, pushing a falling to bits buggy.

Well am I?

OP posts:
DSM · 31/03/2009 20:52

Jesus..

No one is baiting the OP. She asked if she was BU, and the majority think she is. Fuck knows why people bother asking if they are so adamant that they are not BU, but whatever.

NO ONE has said she 'should' give anything. Just that she should have courtesy and compassion and say no.

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:52

fairy, no -one has posted anything like that, the fact that is how you interpret it says more about you

lots of people suggested compromises and middle ground to be had

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:53

Fleur!

Nobody is telling you to give anything.

Just to perhaps try and be a little more understanding, and politely decline. And not be pissed off, is all.

staggerlee · 31/03/2009 20:53

Fleur, people are just disagreeing with you. You knew that that was likely when you posted. If you worked in homelessness services then you know that people have strong opinions. No need to name change just because your opinion is challenged ffs

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:54

can i just draw fleur and fairynuff's attenti0on to the disclaimer about AIBU?

"Note: This topic, as you might guess from its title, encourages posters to take sides. This means that posters tend to express their opinions. If you don't want to read posts from people who might strongly disagree with you, you might prefer to post in a different topic area on our site.

ScottishMummy · 31/03/2009 20:54

who rattled your cage Fairy?if most people disagree with post,there is ususlly a VG reason

It is shite post

no MN orthodoxy
No ganging up
No pious posting
No halo polishing

but hey if you want to read conspiracy theories and bigger girls being cliquey, fair do.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:55

You would be pissed off too. You don't think you would be but you would. Come and spend a few days in my area in London and see how you feel after that. Lovely here.

OP posts:
DSM · 31/03/2009 20:55

Can we get that put on every AIBU somewhere that can be copied and pasted for every time this happens?

ScottishMummy · 31/03/2009 20:55

yes quotation marks to attribute My POV.my summising of your post fleur

Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 20:56

There is no compromise! She hasn't got the money and she doesn't want to be accosted by strangers who are drunk. What is unreasonable about that? I'm sure the OP does decline in a respectful manner - what else would she bloody well do?

DSM · 31/03/2009 20:56

Oh, of course because we all live in fucking Chelsea

There are many people here who live in deprived areas, please don't think you are special and the only one to be asked for spare change.

SlebMner · 31/03/2009 20:56

i think it would be far less painful to repeatedly bang my head on my desk, so i shall bid you all good night

noddyholder · 31/03/2009 20:59

Everyone has days when they feel able to give and happy that they can and there are times when in any situation where someone is asking for something from you you think sod off.It often depends on what is going on in your own life at that very moment.I usually give and have had a brother like that and think of him often when i see addicts begging.And at other times when I have been ill and on dialysis i have thought 'fuck off' i wish i had the strength to walk and beg! But I would never say it out loud!

muminthecity · 31/03/2009 20:59

What a sad OP

If you can't afford to give anything then don't but have a heart FGS. I'd imagine if one of your children ran away from home and ended up on the streets that you would hope and pray that people would treat them kindly and show them compassion.

We all think it could never happen to us or our children but unfortunately, it could be any one of us.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 20:59

SlebMner, I have posted in AIBU before I knew what to expect.

Good night everyone, I am going to spend the rest of the evening trying to get ds to turn off the Balamory DVD that has been on repeat since he came in from school five hours ago and go to sleep.

OP posts:
DSM · 31/03/2009 21:00

Wow.

Surfermum · 31/03/2009 21:00

Didn't you have actual experience of it in your job as well though? I assumed that the mental health/homeless team would have dealt with people with addictions (as they do around here). If the client group irritated you I just wondered how easy it was for you to support your clients.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 31/03/2009 21:01

I am with Fleur on this. I have also been homeless but begging is another matter altogether. In fact, having pulled yourself out of the situation, I think it is perfectly acceptable to get pissed off at those who can't/won't. As you can see all the more clearly how they are not helping themselves, and neither are those that give them money.

What is more, it is illegal to beg, and puts people in an awkward position, it can also be intimidating.

People who are in the posistion to see the homeless as needing handouts are those that would never come near homelessness themselves, and are, in a subtle way, keeping the beggers in a position of dependancy. The privaledged that just look down and toss their change into a hat would rather that the underclass remained in a positoin of constant requests for help anyway.

Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 21:01

FWIW I don't think this is cliquey, unrealistic and naive from those who don't live in this situation perhaps but not cliquey.

Goodnight Fairynufff, hopefully we will meet on another more peaceful thread .

OP posts:
Original poster
fleurlechaunte · 31/03/2009 21:02

Whats up DSM? Why the wow and surprised look? Which bit offended you?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/03/2009 21:03

you always know the price of a '40' (40oz. bottle of malt liquor) is in Denver because instead of asking for spare change some will ask for the price of the 40 - like, 'Do you have a dollar forty-five?'

i'll never forget when my ex h's SIL got there from Germany and she'd only been in the US a couple of day.

this man approached her and asked her, 'do you have a quarter (25 cents)?'

she looked at him and said, 'yes,' and walked away.

he was like, 'WTF?'

Fairynufff · 31/03/2009 21:03

Can't guarantee I'll be fighting your corner next time Fleur but I do hate this holier than thou crap on MN when people just nit pick over the inference of one word and completely disregard the spirit of what you are trying to say...

BeatrixRotter · 31/03/2009 21:05

I am also with Fleur. I never give money to people who approach me in the street but I do donate in other ways. I thought even homeless charities said that giving money in this way just keeps people on the street.

trixymalixy · 31/03/2009 21:07

The advice of homeless charities is not to give cash to people begging on the street.

You should buy them some food or give the money to charities if you want to help them.

Money will just be spent on alcohol or drugs. i for one am not comfortable with my money being spent on that so i will buy food instead.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 31/03/2009 21:08

Beatrix you are right, homeless charities suggest helping in other ways.

I am amazed at people's responses here actually. I thought it was general knowledge that begging is illegal and has no benefits to anyone!?

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