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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not allow my child to do a reading in church?

934 replies

GooseyLoosey · 30/03/2009 08:45

Dh and I are atheists. The dcs attend the local school which is C of E (although wholly state funded). There are no alternative non-C of E schools locally.

The school tends towards being very religious and there is a special Easter service in church for the school this week. Ds (5) has been given a reading to do at this service. It includes many "Praise God" and "God is good" type statements.

I don't wish to over react but getting ds to actively participate in an act of worship may be a step too far for me. AIBU to object and to consider telling them to get someone else to do this?

OP posts:

sazchocs · 30/03/2009 08:46

how does he feel about doing the reading ?

Twims · 30/03/2009 08:50

YABU just because you are an atheist doesn't mean that your son is or will be and vice versa him doing a reading in church won't make him an evangelical Christian.

nickschick · 30/03/2009 08:52

yabu

Your dc attend a CofE school (for whatever reason)and this is part of their education.

It is a proud moment for a 5 yr old to be selected to read at a church service and regardless of your religious beliefs I would celebrate his reading.

We are catholics but my dc have been pretend 'baptised' at the methodist church,visited a mosque and learnt about other religions-I believe to mae an informed choice on religion you need to be educated and 'feel' your belief- even though you are atheist in time your dc may like to follow a religious path and allowing them freedom to explore will be advantageous to their learning.

Theres a lot worse than 'God' for kids to get interested in.

If your dc is happy to read - let him.

ItsMargotBeauregarde · 30/03/2009 08:54

oh fgs, You send your child to a c of E school, and if you are genuinely athiests, what are you so afraid of????

That she may respect the ethos of the school she attends????

My child might go to a catholic secondary school if I'm lucky and despite being Church of Ireland I plan to have every bit of respect I can muster up for the school who will educate my daughter for free..........

girlafraid · 30/03/2009 08:55

I think I would allow even a 5 year old a say in this

How does he feel about it? If he's proud of being asked to do it and wants to go ahead - let him. He'll no doubt question religous beliefs later on with or without your input. And if he doesn't - that's up to him

ItsMargotBeauregarde · 30/03/2009 08:56

sorry, that he may respect the ethos of the school..

savoycabbage · 30/03/2009 08:56

It wouldn't bother me in the same way that it wouldn't bother me if he was reading about Cinderella marrying the handsome prince. You are going to look a bit daft if you object I think.

I have to sing the Australian National Anthem every week in assembly and it doesn't bother me or make me think I'm Australian.

examtaxi · 30/03/2009 08:58

Sorry - YABU. You must have known this was likely to happen if you sent your dc to a CofE school. The time to consider whether this would be unacceptable was before you accepted a place in the school.

You should also think about how your ds will feel if you intend to exclude him from other Christian related school activities in future.

It is, after all, part of the package you signed up to.

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 30/03/2009 08:58

I send my child to the local village school, wholly funded by the state. I sadly had no choice as to whether there was a religious element.

Ds says he does not believe in God and thinks the reading is silly. He doesn't mind speaking in front of people though.

Actually, having thought about this a lot, I don't respect the religious ethos of the school and think I would prefer the dcs to politely tolerate it whilst knowing it was nonsense.

OP posts:

ItsMargotBeauregarde · 30/03/2009 08:59

ps, something else to bear in mind here when weighing things up, and deciding whether to be grateful for your child's education, or indignant about something which doesn't fit your belief-set..

When you say the church school is wholly state-funded, the school in its present location wouldn't exist at all if it weren't for the church which originally paid for the land and the original school house building. I think it is disingenuous to say that a church school is wholly state-funded. It came to exist in the first place because of the church.

savoycabbage · 30/03/2009 09:01

Well if he thinks it is silly he certainly shouldn't be doing it, regardless of the content.

rookiemater · 30/03/2009 09:02

Sorry YABU.

Whilst it is bizarre and otherwordly that our secular governmnet supports the practice of faith schools you have taken advantage of this to send your DC to a, presumably, well scoring school.

Therefore under the circumstances it would be a tad hypocritical not to allow him to do the reading.

We were almost in the same circumstances. The catholic school in our area has a great academic reputation. However DH and I fundametally disagreed because he thought we could send DS and keep him out of assembly and religous education whereas I felt that would isolate DS and confuse him dreadfully.

You chose to send your child there, as others have said at 5 years old it's not going to mean a lot to him, other than the opportunity to talk in front of an audience which is an excellent life skill, so he should do the reading.

examtaxi · 30/03/2009 09:03

Agree totally with ItsMargot.

Church schools generally are not wholly funded by the state. The buildings and upkeep are not the reponsibility of the state.

If you really felt that strongly, you would have looked for a non religious school further away and travelled. You are picking and choosing your priniciples I think.

rookiemater · 30/03/2009 09:04

Oh forgot to put in last sentence in the end we decided not to send DS to the catholic school as we couldn't reconcile our personal beliefs with that of the school and felt it wasn't fair on DS for that reason.

Original poster

GooseyLoosey · 30/03/2009 09:05

Actually, the church owns niether the building or the land. The school was built 10 years ago with LEA money on land owned by the LEA.

However, I agree historically that many village schools were run/owned by the church but that is simply a reflection of the society we lived in at the time. There is no need for it to continue now.

Would those of you who are Christian really not object to your children standing in a Mosque and praising Allah as the one true God?

OP posts:

spongebrainbigpants · 30/03/2009 09:05

GL, totally understand where you're coming from as we're both atheists too, but tbh I would let him do it.

I don't know anyone brought up by atheists who then went on to become religious, what you teach him at home is far more important than what he learns at school IME.

As for those posters who are criticising the OP for sending her DS to a CofE school - both of our local schools are CofE too, I am totally and completely opposed to faith schools but choice is a load of rubbish in these circumstances. I will have no choice but to send him to a CofE school.

I will just ensure that any indoctrination he receives at school will be balanced by what I teach him at home.

girlafraid · 30/03/2009 09:06

is he saying it's silly because he thinks that's what you want to hear?

ItsMargotBeauregarde · 30/03/2009 09:07

Also, I'm sorry to really hammer the point home, because you yourself and your husband are perfectly entitled to be athiests, but to hear of a little five year old boy coming out with statements like "there is no God" strikes me as sad. That sounds like indoctrination to me.

My own dc who go to Sunday School and go to a church school never come out with such firm statements. They sometimes ask questions and I say, Oh "I think that....." or "The bible say that x,y,z...."

I don't have a faith myself btw, but I do have respect.

spongebrainbigpants · 30/03/2009 09:08

Sorry, missed the bit about him thinking it was silly! If he doesn't want to do it politely decline on his behalf!

Tortington · 30/03/2009 09:08

i fell quite sorry for children like this. especially when their parents are ademant about something. of course they will do and say what their parents want them to say - but then the second biggest influence school/peers is telling him something else - its probably like he is leading a double life - one not to upset you and one not to upset his friends.

it kind doesn't matter - if your a non religous person - but a card carrying objecting athiest who tells her children that there is no god at home - whilst he is being taught something else at school - must be very confusing.

examtaxi · 30/03/2009 09:08

Well - as a christian, I wouldn't send my dc to a muslim school. However, as part of their RE they have happily visited synagogues, temples and mosques. As far as I know, as part of an educational visit they wouldn't be expected to sctually do the praising bit.

But - if you send them to a Catholic or CofE school, presumably you accept that religious observance is part of the package??

I don't think the comparison is appropriate TBH.

EldonAve · 30/03/2009 09:11

YANBU

cory · 30/03/2009 09:12

wondering a bit about the same thing as girlafraid

personally, I think he should be allowed to decide, but in the context of feeling there isn't a "right" answer as far as you are concerned, that it really is up to him either way

I agree that it is very unfortunate that so many local schools are faith schools; it's not everybody who has the luxury of several schools to choose from

Sponge, it does happen (rarely) that a young child chooses a different belief to his parents. I was at least brought up by agnostics, but I became a Christian as a child, more or less of my own accord, there was no encouragement from home and I did not attend a faith school. But then that was my own decision, not much my parents could have done about that. And they recognised that. It hasn't spoiled our relations in any way.

My dcs otoh are atheists. Again, not a lot I can do about that.

ItsMargotBeauregarde · 30/03/2009 09:13

We live in a society where Christianity or a lapsed christian society.

Even somebody who has never seen the inside of a church could probably tell you what Easter and Christas came about.

I wouldn't send my child to a muslim school because I'm Irish, a Christian and it would all be totally new to my children, not something that is "wallpaper" even to the non-believers in our part of the World.

ItsMargotBeauregarde · 30/03/2009 09:14

ps agree with examtaxi, I do want my children to learn about other religions.

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