Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for being pissed off at dh that he........

155 replies

thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 10:42

has decided to use his entire inheritance on his hobby??
I really don't know whether I am being a cow or not. The short story is....we're not very affluent, but get by.....we are moving in a few weeks nearer my parents so that I can go back to work part-time. His mother passed away in dec, anyway after much speculation the ammount he was going to get from his mothers estate is only going to be in the region of £1500. We don't have this money yet, but he has already put a deposit on an item for his hobby....which will cost £800 in total, and I saw an email this morning with him discussing buying another item for his hobby, £900 ono. I haven't confronted him about it as I just don't know whether I have the right to feel pissed off as it is his mothers money....equally it would have been nice to buy something for the kids.....as always with kids there is lots they need......what would you do?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
mylifemykids · 26/03/2009 10:45

What hobby is it and what has he bought (just being nosey!)

It is HIS inheritance but he should have discussed it with you before going behind your back to spend it.

Original poster
thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 10:47

radio controlled model helicopters

OP posts:
paranoidmother · 26/03/2009 10:48

Hi

YABU & YANBU as it was his inheritance but I can see where you are coming from. It would be nice if he'd discussed it with you first and perhaps said that he'd like to put a few hundred away for the kids and spend the rest on his hobby.

Perhaps the best way is to give him the opportunity to discuss it with you by asking what are his thoughts on what to do with the inheritance. Ask him if he's going to put some aside as savings or for the kids and see what he says.

Does he just need to be reminded that it's a lot of money to spend just like that.

bumpybecky · 26/03/2009 10:48

I think YANBU to be pissed off that he is spending money without consulting / discussing with you first.

As for whether HIBU to spend the lot on his hobby, I think it partly depends on what the hobby is and what he's spending on. If it's something you as a family get enjoyment / benefit from, then perhaps it's OK to spend it. If on the other hand he's spent the lot on a week's golfing holiday for just him, then it's quite different!

Original poster
thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 10:49

oh and he already has 5 of these fecking things....

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 26/03/2009 10:49

oh cross posts - I type too slowly!

belgo · 26/03/2009 10:51

is he usually not very good with money?

thumbwitch · 26/03/2009 10:52

I think YANBU. I think half for him, i.e. one new helicopter, would have been fine and then something nice for the rest of the family as, lets face it, his mum was part of the family too. Or put it into savings for a rainy day - lots of those may be looming in the future. Very unwise expenditure on his behalf, imo.

FAQinglovely · 26/03/2009 10:52

oooo tricky one - money has been left to him so in theory he should spend it on what he likes, but then again if it's coming into a family/joint account then she shoudl probably have told you.

My grandparents solved this very problem by putting in their will that the IH was to be spluit between everyone equally, so their children, grandchildren, any OH's etc etc - so every had their own little "pot" to spend as they wanted.

gardeningmum05 · 26/03/2009 10:53

i would stick him in his bloody helicopter and superglue the remote to fast
what a selfish w**r

shootfromthehip · 26/03/2009 10:54

Sorry but I don't think it is his money- you are a parnership and should decide together what you buy/ spend the money on. It's like saying that because a man works and you are a SAHM all the income is his.

YANBU

Original poster
thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 10:54

he's rubbish with money. His car has a slow puncture which he has to pump up every morning, it has 4 bald tyres, no tax and soon no mot.......some of this money was going to put that right....I assumed wrong I suppose!

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 26/03/2009 10:54

Whilst I agree strongly that partners should be allowed to spend money on things just for them I think he should have, at the very least, discussed it with you.

I also disagree with the idea that it is his inheritance. When you are married with children any money coming in from any means is family money. Whilst it is completely reasonable of him to want to spend money on his hobby, it shouldn't be a given. That's just selfish.

Was he close to his mother? Was her death a shock? Perhaps he is just trying to find comfort from some of this.
Not easy.

Original poster
thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 10:56

yes he was close to her, and yes it was a shock...she was only 57 and dropped down dead in front of us all at a xmas get together.

OP posts:
myredcardigan · 26/03/2009 10:57

Well if the car has 4 bald tyres then every time he drives it he's a danger to himself and others on the road. It's illegal for a reason you know.
But hey,if he cannot stop in time and kills a child at least he'll have his helicopter!

Poledra · 26/03/2009 10:57

From my POV, YANBU - I cannot believe your DH would spend this amount of money without consulting you. However, some of it depends upon how you both view your money generally. DH and I have our money, we don't have his money and my money, so we wouldn't spend those sorts of sums without consulting the other person. If you keep your money separate, then perhaps YABa littleU.

Sorry for mistakes, DD3 'helping' me

Original poster
thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 10:58

don't get me started on his car.....we have an argument about it nearly daily , I know its dangerous

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 26/03/2009 10:58

So he is driving around illegally in what is basically a deathtrap and planning to use his inheritance money to buy himself some new toys. How old is he - four?
That's not on - is he this childish in other aspects of life or just with regard to his hobby?

Strawbezza · 26/03/2009 10:59

YANBU. If he goes ahead and blows the lot on his helicopters, you can do the same when you inherit (hopefully a shedload) from your parents (without wanting to sound morbid).

Original poster
thepuddingchef · 26/03/2009 11:00

I don't have any money, as i'm a sahm, the money goes into joint account......I spend very little on myself prob £10 a month at most.....

OP posts:
belgo · 26/03/2009 11:00

YANBU.

He really needs to realise he's an adult, with children to look after, and a car that should be safe to drive, and not blowing that amount of money in luxuries, inheritance or not.

WowOoo · 26/03/2009 11:01

I would be a bit cross with him.

Money I inherited I shared with family by paying for renovations.

DH spent his on getting us a better place to live.

We spent small percentage on treats for ourselves...one of which was family holiday.

Don't know what to suggest.

TheJester · 26/03/2009 11:01

No YANBU

He is being very unreasonable. You say you get by, but he still has the luxury of treating himself to something quite expensive. YOU are the one 'getting by'. Not him, he's not getting by! He's doing nicely, no going without going on in his quarter.

My x was like this. I had nothing and he had everything he wanted. Nightmare. (He had many other faults btw, not suggesting you should divorce him) But it does need to be made clear to him that YOU should not be the one making all the sacrafices for parenthood!!!!

belgo · 26/03/2009 11:01

and if he's irresponsible with moeny, you need to get your own account and think about your own finances, and not rely on him.

Poledra · 26/03/2009 11:01

Just seen the bits about his car - YA soooo NBU! It's insane to spend that sort of money on a hobby when your car is a deathtrap

Swipe left for the next trending thread