to tell DS1 that he either eats his dinner cold or not at all????

[FAQinglovely]

He was actually given it nearly 1/2hr ago. He was silly about the fact that DS2 sat on "his" seat, so I asked him to go and sit on the bottom step. He refused, and what followed is barely repeatable, suffice to say, he tried to throw his booster cushion (for the car) at me, and is now banned from a multitude of "special" (to him) things for 2 months (started off a month, but after some deliberate repeated door slamming and a warning I'd add time on before he did it I added the extra month).

Anyhow, he's now calmed down enough to eat his dinner (beans on toast) and naturally after 1/2h its stone cold.

If he'd have done as he was told to start with his food would still have been hot -but his behaviour tonight was the worst I've ever seen it so it's ended up a much longer period of time before he's gone back to it.

He's 8.5 btw - so AIBU to tell him that he can eat it cold or not at all??

I would say give him some fresh toast after he's eaten most of the rest.

you ok?

2 months is a long time
no incentive to behave now if he is banned for sooooo long imho

and I would heat it up but I'm a wuss

yea I'm ok - has rather put dampeners on what had been a really fab day though

I'd heat it up myself.
He's been punished for what he's done. No need to add further punishment really.
2 months is an awful long time. Perhaps after first few weeks he could start 'earning back' some of the priveledges by doing extra helpful things or something like that?

cold beans urgh. I would be sick if i had to eat those.

Actually I remember the school dinner ladies making us sit there until we had eaten all the lunch and having a mouthful of cold horrible food made me gag.

I havent made mine eat cold food, but if he is hungry I am sure your DS will eat a bit. Then like differentID i would give him some fresh toast.

with the two months thing- give him a get out clause- whereby he can earn days back. Maybe, if he does abc, he gets 1 day back, but if he does something extra he gets 2 back?

Trinity 1 or 2 weeks ban on things have no effect on him, I've tried it before for shorter time periods and after the ban is up we get good behaviour for a week or so and then we repeat the process.

The toast is actually next to the beans rather than under - so it's not soggy - just cold.

And things he's baned from

Wii/Computer
Walking to school on his own
Going to bed at 8.45pm (as opposed to 8pm with his younger brothers)

are all things he's very fond of.

oh and I should add that he only plays the Wii at weekends, but then it's only every fortnight as he's at DH's house on alternate fortnights, so that is in effect a 4 week ban (as there's only 4 weekends playing he'll miss out on)

except tonight it's going to be after 8pm as his bedding won't be dry for another hour at least

Maybe get him to earn the later bedtime back within 2 weeks? and then two weeks later the walking to school and then depending on how he is maybe speed up the wii to a week after that?

He'll have a goal to work back towards.

two months is toooooo long imo.
what will you do if he does something equally awful / worse during the two months?? he'll end up being banned til he's left primary school if you're not careful!

sympathy though....

oh and I've just realised that we've got the Easter Holidays next month so that's 2 and a bit weeks that don't count on the walking to school on his own thing

i would of walmed them up too but i am a little bit of a pushover, what i have found works with mine is to really think about what battles i'm going to have if you choose, your battles things become less complicated.

DS1 and I sat down only last week to discuss (in a calm and happy dicussion) which "battles" we were going to try and tackle - I'm afraid he's gone against all of them today.

oh dear, it can be very hard at times can't it.I would'nt let him see that he angers you if you can i now extremely hard to do but that might help also.Kids love a reaction it gives them a sence of control.

ilikeshoes - how on earth am I supposed to not showing being angered when I have a booster cushion thrown at me (he missed - by about a foot)??? and he's put a dent in the wall from the door handle where he was banging it (rented house too)

Well that would be hard i agree, just a bit of advice sorry it was no help, is he calm now? did he apologise?

sorry didn't mean to snap at you, my bloody is still boiling.

Yes he's calm now, he's finished his dinner, no apology though.

Tell him to go to bed and now - no bedding will not hurt for one night, and if he wakes up in the morning and can behave himslef them you will think about forgoing the punishments.

But he has to go to bed now and no messing.

That way you get a punishment and he gets to know he cant mess on. No tea will not hurt for one night and he will think twice

Totally understand, its a tough one, i would just wait untill you have calmed down and explain that,that kind of behaviour won't be tollerated in your house, and he should apologise and there has to be consequences for his actions 2 months a bit much though, only my opinion.

Ivy - I would send him to bed at 8pm but I think that would be bordering on child abuse - there's no sheet, no duvet cover, no blanket and no pillowcase - he doesn't have a duvet inside the duvet cover as he still wets the bed. so he'd be sleeping on a bare mattress with only a short PJ top on him and nothing on top

is 2 months too much when you consider it's only 4 weekends of Wii/Computer he'll be missing, and 2 1/2 weeks where he won't be walking to school anyway because of the holidays?

And the weekends he's with DH he'll have his normal bedtime, and access to the PS2.

Oh FAQ no I just thought it would be bare pillow and bare duvet, so not that wouldn't be nice.

I had a bedwetter till she was 7-8 its hard work

sleeping bag????

My friend has a brilliant strategy for the throwing things/hitting scenario which I nicked as well. She says "Ooo, the throwing/hitting game, my favourite!" And hurls things/chases. Kids are both horrified and amused and it diffuses the situation and really makes them think about what they are doing. Lengthy punishments can just cause more resentments and rows.

well 4 weekends seems alot longer to a child, than an adult, i'd get the punishment done in a week like the no walking to school for a week and no computer etc, then you can try to forget about the incident and move on rather than it hanging over you both, of course its up to you though.