to tell DS1 that he either eats his dinner cold or not at all????

[FAQinglovely]

He was actually given it nearly 1/2hr ago. He was silly about the fact that DS2 sat on "his" seat, so I asked him to go and sit on the bottom step. He refused, and what followed is barely repeatable, suffice to say, he tried to throw his booster cushion (for the car) at me, and is now banned from a multitude of "special" (to him) things for 2 months (started off a month, but after some deliberate repeated door slamming and a warning I'd add time on before he did it I added the extra month).

Anyhow, he's now calmed down enough to eat his dinner (beans on toast) and naturally after 1/2h its stone cold.

If he'd have done as he was told to start with his food would still have been hot -but his behaviour tonight was the worst I've ever seen it so it's ended up a much longer period of time before he's gone back to it.

He's 8.5 btw - so AIBU to tell him that he can eat it cold or not at all??

Fair point about the WII. I only have the one child, so the whole house can be arranged to suit his whims, or my battle plan, depending who has the upper hand at any given point.

SGM - how many water bottles does a boy need - he's got 2 now (after he told me his other one was "lost at school", and then 2 months later I found it sat on top of the microwave where it had obviously been sat the whole time .

I do try and remind him, but with DS2 and 3 to look after as well we get as far as him getting himself a drink and starting to drink it and then it gets put down and forgotten about..........if I had a £1 for every hardly touched glass of squash (yes yes I know squash is evil stuff, but when getting them to drink at all is a battle you'll let them have anything) I find hidden behind curtain/behind chairs/behind the toy box that he tells me he's finished I'd be a very rich lady

oh god roll on friday afternoon when DH has them for the weekend...............oh wait no - I've got an essay to write now I've been given a couple of days extension for it

I've got an alarm clock upstairs - but if I sleep on the sofa I can't keep unplugging it and bringing it down (as the plug is a nightmare to get to), plus it still doesn't solve the early rising to read/play with toys/draw/write/gawd knows what else.

is he getting up so he doesn't wee the bed? and is that why he isn't drinking too?

some nights he's alread wet the bed, some nights it's dry, can't see any pattern to it.

The not drinking has been ongoing since before he even walking or talking (he walked very late) - so I don't think it's directly linked to him not wanting to wet the bed.

AFAIK, you shouldn't need a SIM to set the alarm function on the mobile? [clinging to only practical suggestion I can make]

I suppose I could have 2.........but tbh I'm not sure I'd trust DS3 with it.

He's fine with weeing in the day time, he was late to toilet train in the day, but once he'd got it he was fine.

Don't think he's scared of it at all, he went to the shop for me the other day and as he'd taken a little longer than I expected I asked him why.

"oh I needed a wee, so I asked the security guard if there was a toilet I could use and he let me use the staff one"

hmm - maybe I don't need the SIM

it all sounds a bit chaotic and unboundaried.... why aren't you all sleeping in your beds?? you need to to model the behaviour you expect from him imo. you need some v v simple and esy to understand rules / routines.... bedtime is [time]. no one is allowed on pc / tv / ds / wii / etc without permission from you. no one is allowed out of bed until [time]... if you wake at 4am you stay in bed and be v v bored or go back to sleep etc.

think you need to go back to basics and take charge. without clear rules children feel unsafe imo. the throwing and bad behaviour stems from the other issues about sleeping / eating / drinking which are all fundamental issues. unless you tackle them you are fighting the symptoms only.

has he always been a bedwetter? at 8.5 this needs tackling imo or will be embarassing / socially limiting for him (sleepovers etc.)

how long have you and his dad been separated? could this be behind some of this??

good luck!

I did mention it to them ages ago when I finally got his referall to the bed-wetting clinic, they told me it was probably down to the bed wetting.

Thing is while I don't think it's because of the wet beds, I'm not entirely certain.

we have plenty of boundaries - which when his sleeping/eating/drinking are right are followed fine, DS2 has the same boundaries and I have no issues with him (apart from the normal 5yr old issues).

I don't always sleep in my bed as I often don't sleep well/can't fall asleep. If I can't fall asleep until late then I sleep on the sofa as I know that once I hit the pillow in bed I sleep so deeply that I wouldn't hear the DS's if they need me, or the alarm clock.

Bedtime for DS2 and 3 is 8pm - on the dot - tonight was the first time in ermmmmm about a year that they were late.

Bedtime for DS1 is 8.45 (unless for some reason we've agreed earlier that he'll go at 8) - again he goes up on the dot at 8.45 - infact a few nights ago after several nights of not sleeping well I crashed on the sofa after putting DS2 and 3 to bed, I was disturbed by him putting his book away and getting off the sofa and getting his PJ's - I glanced at the clock and it was 8,45 exactly.

No-one is allowed TV/PC/Wii unless I've said anyhow, there's no free reign in this house, never has been, and never will be. It's the doing it at times when I can't do anything about it that's the problem (ie when I'm asleep).

He's been going to the enuresis clinic for about 9 months now, currently waiting for a prescription from the Drs (they're claiming again that they didn't get one through from the clinic) for the hormone stuff (can't remember the name ), which will give us a couple of months of "respite" from the wet beds.

Been seperated just over a year, all of the issues (apart from the computer playing at night) stem from long before then. I don't think it's connected in any way, actually his behaviour improved slightly after DH and I split up.

FAQ (shuush, don't tell anyone - here's an unmumsnetty HUG), trying little buggers aren't they!!

However, to answer your actual question - YANBU to have told him to eat his dinner cold or not at all. He ate it, he's fine. Heating it up after that major tanty - not on your fecking life! He was lucky to have had the option and not just have been sent to bed (linen issues aside!! ).

You may have noticed (or not!) from other posts that I'm more of the old fashioned parenting style... I don't care whose seat it is, if I have told you to sit in one of the others then that's what you do - end of.

2 months at that age is forever, but if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes and it's worth a go. If it doesn't work then try something else

FWIW, there is always something that 'hits the spot' where consequences are concerned and it's not always the thing you think it will be ... frustrating till you find it though isn't it!!

my techie hubby tells me there is a way to possibly get round your computer problem.

set up a user account for you, which you can password protect/lock and still set the alarm on.

set up other user accounts for the boys who use the computer, and you can then set times when they can log on, so for example he can only log on between 1pm and 5pm.

Hope this helps. if you need more info let me know and i'll get dh!

dittany - they didn't do anything, told me that it should all be sorted once he was dry at night - which unfortunately for him isn't happening very quickly. And now I'm not totally convinced it's all down to the bed wetting.

He's never slept much/for long so I've always just put it down to it being "him" iykwim, but I'll try and ring tomorrow to get an appointment.

When he's not overtired, and hungry and thirsty he's so totally different. A month or so back when DH and I had started "dating" again he (DH) had stayed over on a Sunday night. He let me have a lie-in and got them up for school, he commented to me when I got up what a "slick" routine it was and how DS1 "took charge"

I just want the fab boy that I had here to be around more often than the one I had earlier tonight

toomuch - would the online alarm clock still work if it's "logged out" (I don't mean that, I mean when it goes into inactive mode and then you jiggle the mouse and have to type your password in and when you do that all the pages you'd left open are still there)?

I know I can set-up passworded accounts for them - problem is I have a memeory like a sieve when it comes to passwords and I'm liable to forget (or the other scenario is that he'll see me typing it in over my shoulder and then used that), how do you set "time" limits on accounts??

Yup - dh says that would work tmmateotm! Hope you can work it out FAQ

DH suggests spending £2 on a cheap alarm clock - more environmentally friendly than leaving the computer on all the time!!!!

is it a laptop?? put it under your pillow / cushion.

if it's too big then beg / buy / borrow a cheap alarm clock and put the computer out of action until you say he can use it.

make a list of the things you want to tackle with him and put them in order of importance.... i still thinbk using the computer is the least of it....

lol mistle - I know - but it's where to plug it in that doesn't mean moving furniture on nights I sleep downstairs, and more importantly what DS3 will do to it.........

I already suspect my N95 8GB ended up in the bin

controlfreaky - if you'd read the thread you'll see that I've already stated the using the computer without permission is way down the bottom of my list and the things we're currently supposed to be tackling are

1. Making sure he stays in bed until 6.30
2. Eating his lunch (at school - no problems wit that at the weekends at home), and drinking more
3. The lying