to tell DS1 that he either eats his dinner cold or not at all????

[FAQinglovely]

He was actually given it nearly 1/2hr ago. He was silly about the fact that DS2 sat on "his" seat, so I asked him to go and sit on the bottom step. He refused, and what followed is barely repeatable, suffice to say, he tried to throw his booster cushion (for the car) at me, and is now banned from a multitude of "special" (to him) things for 2 months (started off a month, but after some deliberate repeated door slamming and a warning I'd add time on before he did it I added the extra month).

Anyhow, he's now calmed down enough to eat his dinner (beans on toast) and naturally after 1/2h its stone cold.

If he'd have done as he was told to start with his food would still have been hot -but his behaviour tonight was the worst I've ever seen it so it's ended up a much longer period of time before he's gone back to it.

He's 8.5 btw - so AIBU to tell him that he can eat it cold or not at all??

ruddynorah - it has been a bit of a revelation for me to be honest (without trying to sound bonkers) - it sort of said what i felt without realising that i felt it - if that makes any sense

read both of those, and "bringing up boys". (all since given away ) - lots of great advice in all of them which have/are working a treat for DS2 (too young to say about DS3 yet), but DS1 is like something from a different planet sometimes

Problem stems from him getting up too early and not eating (or drinking) enough at the right times.

On the rare occasions he has stayed in bed until a reasonable hour of the morning, and he has eaten his lunch he's like a different child in the evenings, and he understands that too

he knows how to use the microwave - he warms DS3's milk up for me quite often.

My point with that was that if he'd have done as he was told in the first place (sat down on the bottom step for 5 minutes) his food wouldn't have got cold in the first place.

faq - ds1 sneaks u[ very early and doesnt eat lunch....

earliest he got up was 2am , average (I think, and going on the times he's disturbed me if I've been sleeping on the sofa) is somewhere between 3-4am.

but that wasn't the first place though was it? it started with the chair thing. did you get to the bottom of that or did you just tell him to sit on the step?

what is it you want to happen going forward? he doesn't have cold food? he sits down straight away for meal times? what?

fix the actual issue. which isn't that he didn't sit on the step.

You need to keep him in bed till later - get that sorted and the rest will pretty much fall into line.

Why doesn't he want to eat?

I would be feeding hom babanas and custard, cocoa for bed time and turkey sanwhiches sleepy foods....

Where does he have access to pc games? cna you de plug him?

no the chair thing happened because he was tired and hungry from not having eaten his lunch and having got up at 3am. The days he doesn't do that it's like I've got a totally different child.

The strops and tantrums are nothing new, I've come to expect them when I know he's been up early, espeically if he then doesn't eat his lunch, but it was the intensity of it tonight (with the damaging the wall and throwing the car seat) that threw me.

The silly thing is that DS2 was sat in a totally different chair from usual (one which DS1 never sits on). DS1 either sits on the right or left side of the table, DS2 either sits on the left or end. Tonight DS2 parked himself at the end of the table - so DS1 had the choice of both of the chairs he usually sits at.

He decided that DS2 was sat in "his" chair (which he never sits on ) and pushed his food away from him, DS2 pulled it back and he repeated the process. I asked him to stop and sit down at one of the two chairs that were left and he starting moaning about DS2 being his chair.

Then he was very rude to me, so I asked him to go and sit down on the step. He ignored me (several times) and sat down and started eating. Up until I asked him to go to the step it had been business as usual.

When he did eventually go to the step on his way he deliberately sent a huge pile of clean (waiting to be ironed) clothes across the floor. I told him to pick them up and he refused, saying that he hadn't done anything. when I challenged him on that he threw the booster cushion at me.

I could write a list as long as my arm of all the issues that we need to sort out with his behaviour (at home), but we're only tackling the 3 at the moment.

my 6yo charge will also refuse to eat. I will not make any child finish a meal if they are full (that was my childhood and I still cant stop doing doing it) but if they are refusing to eat out of stubbornness then that is different. I tell her that if she refuses to eat in for dinner then she will get it in her lunch box for school the next day. The thought of cold cauliflower for lunch is always an incentive to eat now.

I can't make him stay in bed later when he's getting up when I'm fast asleep. He's switching the computer on (well he was just coming downstairs and using it when I left it switched on), and going onto google and finding the car games he enjoys playing.

I can't log off and put a password on as when I'm not sleeping well myself I sleep on the sofa, and I don't have an alarm clock so use an online one.

This morning was the first time (afaik) that he's played games on there with me asleep in the same room! (he admitted he turned down the speaker volume when he first came down, then turned it up again just before the alarm was due to go off, and then when I dozed off again he says he turned the volume down and kept playing!).

I'm yet (in about 3yrs of trying) to find out why he doesn't eat his lunches at school. It used to be packed lunches I made, but now he has the free school packed lunches. He eats LOADS at the weekend at lunch time, all he tells me is "I was talking".

He doesn't drink enough either, I'm pretty certain that he's permanently slightly dehydrated (which would explain him saying that he doesn't feel thirsty) and that's been a battle (getting him to drink) since before he could even walk or talk!

good training - when he goes to Uni he'll be eating them straight out of the tin

would he sleep longer if he went to bed later?

ruddy - one of the reasons I let him start going to bed at 8.45 (well 9pm by the time he's actually in it - and usually closer to 10pm before he's fallen asleep) is to try and curb the early waking.

It hasn't helped at all, but we've stuck at it because he enjoys staying up that little bit later than his younger brothers.

so why does he get up at 3am? is it cos you're in the living room?

no - he does it even when I sleep in my bed upstairs.

I thought it was because he was waking up because the bed was wet, but on some of the nights I've still been up , when he's arrived downstairs I've gone back up wit him and his bed has still been dry.

Well at that age I still remember awful treatment at the dinner table and it makes me sad to think about it.

2 months is too long, IMO.

As for the computer, do you have a mobile you could use the alarm on? I would password protect the computer and sort out another alarm.

so why does he say he gets up? is he worried he'll wet the bed?

I feel for you FAQ I really do, as I have an 8 year old who sometimes has these totally crazy tantrums. In his case it is usually to do with tiredness, often caused by getting up too early, usually in order to feed his addictions. DS gets "addicted" to nintendo, computer games, TV, and talking books. Probably in that order, so you ban one, and he just moves on to the next one. The way I control it is by using the technology against him. So, the nintendo charger got lost, so it can only be charged up in the car which means when the battery goes flat, he forgets it for a while.
The computer is now passworded.
The TV has a remote control plug which I sleep with under my pillow FGS! (it was originally bought for the Christmas lights LOL)
So now the little blighter gets up early to listen to Harry bl**dy Potter on CDs. He has gone through the whole series THREE TIMES now. (remind me to hide them, else he'll start again at the beginning. I do think this is the least worst, as he will actually sit at the kitchen table and eat something while he listens. He might even get some paper and draw or write while he's listening! But it really is an addiction.
If he opts for the other electronic stuff, he just sits like a zombie, until I stagger out of bed at a sensible time.
I believe that the only answer is not to ban the Wii, etc. but to just not have them in the house at all. However, "D"P colludes with him in all this Shte - "anything for a quiet life", but he is never around when the tantrums kick in. For example we had lived perfectly happily without a TV for a year then "D"P bought us a TV at xmas, just so he can watch sport when he visits. He bought him the nintendo, and whenever I've weaned DS off it, he turns up with more crppy games for it. So why bother visiting your som if all you do is stick him in front of an electronic babysitter?
I'm sorry, FAQ I think I have hi-jacked your thread. But seriously, I wonder if your DS might have the same sort of bad reaction to electronic stuff that I detect in mine.

dinner times are usually pleassant in our house - DS1 and 2 are generally quite tolerant of DS3 climbing onto the table and/or climbing onto their chairs and trying to steal their food.

Mealtimes (in general) are not one of the issues I need to tackle at all, only real issue is when they ask for seconds and I haven't got any for them .

just to explain the 2 months thing.

it actually works out at

4 weekends without the Wii/Computer

31 days (unless there's bank holidays I've miscounted) that he doesn't get to walk to school on his own (and he doesn't always get to go on his own anyhow, depends on what time we're all ready to leave)

2 months (minus 4 weekends) of going to bed early (again this is something that isn't always stricltly adhered too - there have been a few instances in the last few weeks where he's gone up at 8pm)

He'll still get to play on the PS2 at DH's house on the other 4 weekends, and go to bed later there as well.

The computer thing is somewhere on my list of things to sort with him, but it's not the only thing he does when he wakes up early, - I've woken up on occasions to find him playing with toys or reading a book at odd hours of the night. So if I password protect the computer then it won't automatically solve the early getting up.

I took so long writing my rant, I didn't see your point about using the computer as an alarm...not sure how to get round that one.
You say he doesn't eat and drink enough. Could he be constipated? DS developes a whole additional layer of awful behaviour if he is in need of a poo.
Our rule now is that he only ever gets computer time if he has done a poo that day. Sounds daft, but he would never leave the computer or the TV for a poo, and then it would turn into constipation. At least now, if he needs to go, he goes, because he is then in with a chanec of computer time.

FAQ - instead of setting the alarm on your PC, why not use the one on your mobile? Then DS won't have anything to get up for? [hopeful]

choccy - if I get rid of the Wii out of the house it punishes DS2 as well - it was a joint Christmas present for them both.

I do think stopping the computer in the mornings might help though, because with a book or toys, he may well go back to sleep after a bit; with the computer, once they start, they'll never stop.

because my contract mobile is lost (and broken) - I'm presuming given that I've unpacked and searched all places that DS3 has been - in the bin.

My new mobile that I bought to put the contract sim in can't be used yet as I can't find the old broken phone to take the SIM out of .

He's only allowed on the computer and/or Wii on weekend afternoons anyhow (been long standing rule in this house) so not sure the "no computer/wii until you've poo-ed would have quite the same effect" .

It's only lunches at school that he doesn't eat, the rest of the time he eats like a horse - but the drinking is another matter, home, school, friends, DH's, out for a meal, he just doesn't drink enough.