to tell DS1 that he either eats his dinner cold or not at all????

[FAQinglovely]

He was actually given it nearly 1/2hr ago. He was silly about the fact that DS2 sat on "his" seat, so I asked him to go and sit on the bottom step. He refused, and what followed is barely repeatable, suffice to say, he tried to throw his booster cushion (for the car) at me, and is now banned from a multitude of "special" (to him) things for 2 months (started off a month, but after some deliberate repeated door slamming and a warning I'd add time on before he did it I added the extra month).

Anyhow, he's now calmed down enough to eat his dinner (beans on toast) and naturally after 1/2h its stone cold.

If he'd have done as he was told to start with his food would still have been hot -but his behaviour tonight was the worst I've ever seen it so it's ended up a much longer period of time before he's gone back to it.

He's 8.5 btw - so AIBU to tell him that he can eat it cold or not at all??

cant you just plug it in to the kitchen or hallway or somewhere downstairs. They are so blinking loud it would wake the dead anyway.

You can lift it out of the way during the day.

Even better, get a cheapie wind up one, like we all had as kids. they are really loud too, and you wont have to plug it in anywhere.

if you mean an alarm clock it doesnt have to be plug in does it? a cheap battery wind up one will do fine. put it out of ds3's reach when you're not using it.

i feel sorry for you sleeping on a sofa... cant be doing you much good i wouldnt have thought.... what needs to happen for you to sleep better in your own bed?

i know you've had a bad evening with ds1 but you do sound v defeatist about your power to effect any changes.....

tomnorrow is another day....

knowing me I'd lose it - although tbh the actual computer use is at the bottom of my list somewhere.

I am feeling rather defeatest at the moment, things had been going so much better with his behaviour/attitude and although he's had a fair few strops and tantrums the "scale" of them had died right down and not really worth talking about (to me anyhow - others would probably be at some of them).

Then tonight with the throwing and damaging the house it's totally thrown me. Not helped by the fact my OU tutor hasn't got back to me (as she said she would) to confirm that I can have a couple of days extension on my essay - which is due in tomorrow and I've currently written 0/1200 words) and the fact my sleep has been all over the place the last few weeks again.

I used to sleep really well, but it's not been the same since I worked nights, now I go through phases of just not being able to sleep - thankfully nothing like last year when I was frequently awake for 2 days at a time, but still enough for events such as this evening to completely and utterly throw me.

Especially when people hint that my house is chaotic and I have no boundaries, because I do have boundaries, and most of the time they're stuck to. And my house is only really as chaotic as any other house that has 3 young boys in it

faq i didnt mean that you house was chaotic in the sense of messy / untidy or that you had not sought to have some boundaries.... but that the SITUATION with him up in the middle of the night / you not sleeping in your bed / him on the computer at 3am is chatotic... and i still think that.

from all you've said sorting out your sleeping sounds like the number one priority!

oh sorry - totally misread it - yes the situation with him is chaotic, he has boundaries, he knows the boundaries (and he's a smart kid so I know he knows iykwim) just doesn't stick to them when he's over tired.

You know I've totally given up hope of sorting out my sleeping any time soon, I do at least manage to get some sleep everynight now (major improvement from last year), obviously more than 3-5hrs (average - sometimes get up to about 8) would be great. But basically I'm stuck like this while I'm on my own/the boys are still young. So I live with it, it's not ideal, but as long as I get a couple of hours each night we generally get through the day without any major "trauma".

that sounds hard faq.

hope tomorrow is better.

dittany - his behaviour improved after DH and I split up! Took a bit of a downward spiral later last year, but had improved again greatly recently (although still far from "ideal" - I don't expect perfection though - he's 8yrs old)

Problem is he doesn't only play on the computer, I'm 100% certain that even password protecting the computer isn't going to stop him getting up early, as before he started playing on the computer at that time he do other stuff (reading, playing with his toys, helping himself to food from the kitchen and gawd knows what else).

totally agree dittany.... hence suggestion that rule is you have to stay in bed (boring) until say 6.30.....

he's already got that rule (he suggested the time just over a week ago when we discussed it together), he just doesn't stick to it..

I've st the passwords up on the computer tonight (just hope I can remember them tomorrow morning ),

If the monitor goes into it's "inactive" mode (screensaver whatsit) and I have to jiggle the mouse to be able to log back in (but you're not actually logged out iykwim) - the pages will still work won't they???

morning FAQ - how did it go last night - any visitors down the stairs in the wee hours?

yes he came down - didn't go on the computer though (although it helps if you put the thing on to make it go to screensaver after a while if you want him to not be able to log in).

I heard him about 4am (as whe he slammed the door last night he messed it up so that it doesn't open/close quietly again), but he went back upstairs, could hear him moving around though until I got up at 6, and he came down at 6.30 on the dot.

You need to get yourself a cheap alarm clock, then remove the computer power cable at night.

Do you know there are firewall and child protection software packs out there that enable you to switch off the internet between set times?

My friends uses it for his daughter otherwise she would write crap on talkboards all night.

You could set it to come back on 10 mins before your alarm call.

You can also get keylogger software and web tracker so you know exactly what your child has done on the PC.

I'd get rid of the wii.
I take the view if something is causing that much aggro it's better to get rid of it.

ermm Migsie - the Wii hasn't caused any agro

Here's some thoughts:

1. Making sure he stays in bed until 6.30- do you have a reward for the times he does do this? I always reward the good and ignore the bad (as far as I can.) The computer is an issue here, and yet you seem to be unwilling to take on board any suggestions from MNers. Turn the thing off. Seriously, turn it off, password protect it and buy a battery alarm clock. Simple, effective solution.

1. Eating his lunch (at school - no problems wit that at the weekends at home), and drinking more- Ask him to get involved making his own lunches. I know he gets free ones at the moment, but if he doesn't like/eat them, then it might be worth seeing if you can find a bit of cash to let him choose his own foods and make his own? Ditto drinking- ask him to choose the juice and make it up very weakly for himself.

1. The lying- Ignore it. As much as possible, just completely ignore what he says if you know for sure it is a lie. He'll get tired of it eventually.

I think you do have to stick to all this, though, and would also suggest you sleeping in your own bed as an example to him- I am an incredibly heavy sleeper and will still awaken if I hear my daughter.

And 2 months will mean nothing to an 8 1/2 year old. It could be 2 years, 2 hours, 2 days, the time makes no significant difference. You've tried this punishment before and it had no effect- give up and try a different tack I say. Please try to listen and at least try some of the advice on this thread without dismissing it out of hand, there has been some ace suggestions on here. Good luck.

Message withdrawn

1. Yes he has rewards, lots of them. If you'd read the thread you'd see I have taken on board - I've password protected it (although forgot to switch the screensaver on last night so it didn't work ). Still doesn't solve the issue of him getting up early, he didn't use the computer this morning but was still up and about from 4am.

1. When he had packed lunches at home he made the lunch himself, he had free reign (within reason) as to what he put in it, and he still didn't eat them. If I had the cash to be making their lunches then I would be claiming the free school meals . He also chooses the squash, and makes it up himself

1. The lying - easy to say ignore but it's about just about everything "did you eat your lunch today" - "yes", "have you put your clothes in the wash "yes" ", you name it if I ask him a question there's a strong chance he'll lie when he answers.

I would sleep in my own bed if I could always actually sleep. Sounds easy - but when you go to bed and lie there alll night awake you feel even worse than if you manage to get a couple of hours on the sofa.

He does understand 2 months, he's got a good concept of length of time between dates. Always has done on the rare occasions that it's been 3 weeks between their overnight stays with DH he's always counted it down correctly totally on his own, in days and weeks. I haven't tried the longer time periods before, only 1-2 week periods.

He know that 2 months from yesterday will be the day after DS3's birthday (actually he pointed that out to me this morning LOL).

If you read the thread properly I haven't dismissed all of the suggestions out of hand, only the ones that I've tried for long periods of time before and haven't worked, or the ones that in reality have little bearing on the underlying issues. As others have pointed out until the underlying issues are sorted the other things aren't going to improve.

Sorry to have been no help.

I'm sorry things have been so stressful with DS1. Other people have given lots of good ideas, but I just wanted to pick up on the drinking.

I'm sure the enuresis clinic has told you that the bedwetting is probably linked to not drinking enough. Did they measure his bladder capacity etc? The first thing they did with DS1 was give him a chart to fill in to make sure he had 7 drinks a day of about 150ml. He was motivated by the chart to get small rewards eg Pokemon cards or whatever the current craze was. So I made him drink a small glass of water and a small glass of milk at breakfast, he had a water bottle to take to school, a glass of water before he did anything else at hometime, a glass of water with tea etc. I stood with him and made sure he drank it. I know it's difficult every day with 2 younger ones, but could you try something like this?

Also, (and personal opinion here, with one not-sleeping 10 year old) I think 8.45 is way too late as a regular bedtime for an 8 year old. My 10 year old's supposed bedtime is 9.00. Possibly your DS1 is waking early because he's just too sleep deprived and his whole sleep cycle is up the creek. If he went to bed earlier, he might still wake up ridiculously early, but he'd have had more sleep. Have you read Richard Ferber on how to solve sleep problems? It's quite useful.

Good luck!

Pitch

1 with the sleep - he's never slept for long - even as a baby he didn't sleep a lot. He's always got up ages before DH and I did - except when he was younger he would empty the sugar over the floor and try to clean up with baby wipes, or put the plug in the sink and turn the tap on (so at least the "nighttime" activities have improved in one respect ).

1. The chair, I took the decision (although there was no decision to make - DS2 was sat in a chair that DS1 never sits in) out of his hands after he'd failed to sort it out with DS2 nicely on his own. My children all know that when I override them then what I say goes, usually not an issues - but last night it was (for DS1). With regards to the naughty step I have to send him somewhere when hes having one of his meltdowns (or about to have one) , and usually it works fine. I used it this morning and he went and sat down no problem and came back being much nicer than when he went out.

1. All he tells me with the eating at school is that he's talking to his friends - I'm at a real loss with that one as even when he was having packed lunches made from home he was the same, even when I actually got him to choose (at great £££'s expense) what he wanted in his lunch box. The school provided packed lunches are fab - DS2 commented to me that "they're much better than yours mum"

Well he has made some progress already

He came down, but no computer, returned to his room and stayed there until 6.30 as you had requested. I think lots of praise for what he has done so far.

Nothing will be sorted overnight and it is a start.