to tell DS1 that he either eats his dinner cold or not at all????

[FAQinglovely]

He was actually given it nearly 1/2hr ago. He was silly about the fact that DS2 sat on "his" seat, so I asked him to go and sit on the bottom step. He refused, and what followed is barely repeatable, suffice to say, he tried to throw his booster cushion (for the car) at me, and is now banned from a multitude of "special" (to him) things for 2 months (started off a month, but after some deliberate repeated door slamming and a warning I'd add time on before he did it I added the extra month).

Anyhow, he's now calmed down enough to eat his dinner (beans on toast) and naturally after 1/2h its stone cold.

If he'd have done as he was told to start with his food would still have been hot -but his behaviour tonight was the worst I've ever seen it so it's ended up a much longer period of time before he's gone back to it.

He's 8.5 btw - so AIBU to tell him that he can eat it cold or not at all??

hully - I tried that one a while back with him, doesn't work, works a treat with DS2 he's incredibly easy to "distract" - but DS1 is just a totally different kettle of fish, if he goes off on one that's it, there's no "going back" so to speak.

DS3 seems to be hovering someweere in the middle of the 2 of them - so hopefully never going to be as bad as him.

2 months is an eternity to a child

Tell hin he can make himselfr a sandwich or some cereal if he is hungry

Go cuddle him and try tp get to the bottom of what has cuased him to be in such a horrible mood

ilikeshoes - I've banned him from things (such as the bed and Wii) for 1 and 2 week periods before and it's had no effect, he treats it like a game, counting down how long until he's allowed it again with no thought as to why he was banned in the first place.

Fair enough, but do these punishments work either? Is he able to explain (afterwards) why he goes off on one?

well perhaps he needs to diffuse his anger somewhere else, is there an after school club football or swimming or something,

FAQ - I too don't find punishments to work. I think it is because they get so mad and resentful that they forget whty they are being punished and simply resent you

if he's still hungry now he's had his dinner perhaps he should have eaten his lunch........

I think (well I'm prett sure) he kicked off so badly this time because he's tired and hungry, because he deliberately brokeone of the "3" rules on behaviour that we're supposed to be working on at the moment and broke another later in the day

He got up at 3am, switched the computer on and played games on it - while I was asleep on the sofa !. He then didn't eat any of his lunch at school.

Last week we agreed (and he understood I'm sure) that he would use his (digital so easy to read) alarm clock to make sure that he didn't get up before 6.30am, the switching the computer on issue is on my list of battles to fight once the first few are sorted out, we also agreed that he was going to at least try and eat his lunches at school, the 3rd was to stop the almost constant lieing (that's not really started to improve yet either).

maybe .
but i tend to let my kids eat as much as they can then say five more chips etc. i only do this as i heard that if u push children with theire food they will learn dinner time as a bad time and will start to hate whatever there is, but there are diff views for everyone a lot of my friends do the eat or you go hungry and maybe im just way too soft ha

hully - I don't know if a longer ban will work, it's the next "step" to try and take with him.

Last week we had a conversation and at the end of it I (almost) saw a little lightbulb switch on above his head

"oh he said, I get so grumpy because I'm not eating, drinking or sleeping enough, if I stay in bed longer and eat my lunch at school I'll be happier and then we won't "fall out" so often".

I thought he'd "got" it - but apparently not

He does choir after school, and ICT club during Thursday lunch times. He's also learning the violin at school.

Try the well if you get up at 3am then you have to go to bed 3 hours ealrier at 5pm?

harley - this wasn't about eating all his dinner, it was about whether I should have warmed his dinner up before he sat down (after a 1/2hr tantrum) to eat it

Ivy - not sure that would work, firstl it would totally screw my after school routine - dinner is 6-6.30pm, and secondly I only know when he's got up that early if he switches the computer on (as I can look at the history) - I don't hear him so don't know what time he gets up when he doesn't use the computer (but do know it's much MUCH earlier than 6.30am)

was it 'his' seat?

no - DS3 is the only one who has his "own" seat - they switch around without any fuss usually.

FAQ - ds1 can be like this - he will be 7 in August. It is such had work. But IO find that banning the Wii etc does not help. In fact, it is like you say - there is the countdown and the whole thing is focused on when he gets the Wii back rather than the issue in the first place

so what do I do then????

(apart from get my children ready for bed as I've just seen the time and DS2 and 3 are now late )

I love the "thats my seat" one

I got on the bus the other day and sat down and this man said I had to move as I was sat in his seat....he was the driver though

Put dinner in the bin and get ds to wash up for the next week?

I am still learning
Two books that made me really think recently (and I am still thinking,,,,,) are 'HOw to talk so kids will listen' and 'Unconditional Parentling'. If you read through the wankiness, there is a lot of good stuff in them and it has made me realise why I feel so uncomfortable with the banning of stuff etc

I agree with popsycal.

I can absolutely see how this would have happened and how you might find it hard to back down on punishment doled out in the heat of the moment. I do think you both need to calmly reconcile and agree a way forward.

Have you read this? It's really practical and helpful.

Snap

lol at grendle suggesting what I suggested

so why did he say it was 'his' seat?

tbh i'd have tried to tackle that bit rather than ending up banning all kinds of unrelated things. would it be easier if they all had a designated seat so this won't happen again?

also, show him how to use microwave if you have one, so he can heat his own beans. then it's not your problem if they go cold, and he has a bit more responsibility.

i do UP too