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Original poster

To ask DH to bring a couple of bits of shopping home?

1004 replies

starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 15:42

Emailed DH to ask if he would bring some milk and bread home on the way back from work as thought I had some in the freezer.

He replied "Yes ok"

Then he sent a seperate e mail titled "Why"

It read
"why are running out of basic items?"

Know that sounds pretty tame but he has been really agrumentive recently and questioning everything I have'nt done or criticising what I have done.

It's just another case of him being verbally abusive and controlling.

OP posts:
friday32 · 20/03/2009 15:46

What an unreasonable thing for him to say to you.maybe he has issues at work that is making behave a bit unreasonably ?

bronze · 20/03/2009 15:47

reply- because you didn't stock up

emmabemmasmom · 20/03/2009 15:47

YANBU. I would reply 'cause we ate it. why do you think?'

If he is on his way home anyway, one stop won't hurt eh? And it is bread and milk not a list a mile long...You could have waited for him to get home and then ask. Now that would really tick him off...

I text DH nearly everyday with something we have run out of...

Men...grrrr

insertwittynicknameHERE · 20/03/2009 15:49

YANBU, I often email/text/ring DH to bring milk and bread in, FGS it's not like you are asking him to do the full shop is it.

Original poster
starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 15:51

He is busy at work at the moment but to be honest he has been like this for a while.

It's the same when he gets home he will stand over me and fire questions like for example re my daughters dentist appointment-

"have you made that appointment yet"

I had forgotton the other day
So he will say

"why not,what have you been doing all day?"

He then went on to say
"I will have to take control of my children as you obviously are'nt doing it"

OP posts:
Original poster
starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 15:53

I usually orgainise all the shopping .
We have a home delivery.
I do all the cooking ,he just has to eat it.
I would imagine it's because he will be stopping off for a drink on the way home and could'nt be bothered.

It's my job don't you know,that's what he says.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 20/03/2009 15:54

What a knob.

emmabemmasmom · 20/03/2009 15:55

That's harsh.

Why is it your responsibility to do everything anyway? Why can't he make the damn dentist appointment?

Sorry he does not seem like he has been very nice to you and nobody deserves that. Maybe try talking to him? Maybe he does not realize he is so harsh...or maybe he is going through some issues of his own?

goingslowlyroundthebend · 20/03/2009 15:55

YANBU, I would laugh and say, well darling I have had my hair, nails, face, done, had lunch with girls friends and sat on my arse eating toast and drinking tea all afternoon, which is why I need bread and milk. Oh and while you are at it can you get a toilet brush and stick it up your uptight arse if you really believe the above!

FatFree · 20/03/2009 15:56

Hmmm he sounds like a bundle of laughs!

emmabemmasmom · 20/03/2009 15:56

Not in anyway trying to take his side...just trying to wrap my head around any man who would speak to his wife as if it were the 50's.

GypsyMoth · 20/03/2009 15:56

Hmmmm.....he's not been like this before? And now recently, he's behaving like this? What's changed so much? Is he happy?

YeahBut · 20/03/2009 15:59

You've got bigger problems than no bread and milk. Has he always spoken to you this way?

maqrollelgaviero · 20/03/2009 15:59

Re the 'I'll have to take control of the children' comment why don't you just say crack on! Pass all school letters, invitations, boring everyday crap on to him and tell him it's because he can do it all so much better and is so much more capable! Start running every boring shopping list, petrol stop, Hoover bag empty past him and he'll soon realise that although it's all mundane it can be time consuming.

Then he might get some appreciation of you. I had to do something similar until my dh conceded that I was busy during the day not just sitting on my bum.

Original poster
starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 16:02

I think he realises it and relishes in it.

It's just the e mail I could almost hear his tone as he would saying it to me.

He stood in the kitchen last night whilst DS was in there and was monitering the cooking.

I was cooking pork chops last night and DS was in the kitchen as well.

DH was saying those pork chops will be only take about 15 mins then turns to DS and says unless mum overcooks them like shoe leather.
Telling me to put the rice on at the same time.
Whwn I suggested he cook
he said sternly

"no,you are cooking"

OP posts:
Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 20/03/2009 16:05

Jesus

What century is he living in? He sounds terribly controlling.

Hhow do you normally respond to these sort of comments?

I would kick DH in the balls if he spoke to me like that, especially if it was in front of my kids.

GypsyMoth · 20/03/2009 16:07

Well it reminds me of why I only have a live out boyfriend and not a husband anymore! I could not, and would not,live my life treading on eggshells like that!! And running you down in front of DC..... Er,no, think you need to nip this in the bud....NOW!!!!!!

elkiedee · 20/03/2009 16:08

You're not being at all unreasonable but your "d"h is! I'm always asking dp to get things on his way home, or even to go out to the shop to get things I could have got on the way home if I'd remembered.

But the comments on the dentist appt and cooking sound really nasty, far more than him not appreciating what you do.

Original poster
starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 16:09

He has always been like this to some degree.
Very arrogant and bullying.

It is my job because he works.

Yesterday we had a meeting at the school about DS's statement and he came with me to that but was not happy about having to take time off work.
I just needed his support.
He swore down the phone at me that it was fucking ridicoulous(sp) he had to come as well.

When he came back home to go to the meeting he just came in slammed the front door and gave me a filthy look.

after the meeting we picked the children up,he dropped us off and went out straight away.
The children were playing up and asking where he was.
So I rang him and he said what do youwant me to do about it,deal with it and out the phone down.

He had been to the pub.

OP posts:
Nabster · 20/03/2009 16:09

Please nip this in the bud.

emmabemmasmom · 20/03/2009 16:10

Agree that in front of DS it is not good.

Not good in any case, but DS does not need to grow up thinking he can talk to women the same way.

Would try to talk to him asap...

Not fair on you or DS.

Original poster
starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 16:12

I normally respond by going to the bathroom for a good cry but just lately have not let it get to me,I refuse to.

that's exactly it,I am treading on eggshells all the time.

He was telling me something last night and I was listening but because I did'nt respond much he said

"why do I bother,you are away with the fucking fairies"

OP posts:
Original poster
starsnstripes · 20/03/2009 16:13

I can already see signs of DS treating me the same way and it's heart breaking.

OP posts:
jeminthecity · 20/03/2009 16:14

Starsnstripes- are you two happy together? Is he always like this, or make you feel like this, and do you want anything to change?

Its not nice to feel like shit or be undermined, especially in front of DCs. Can you two talk about it?

emmabemmasmom · 20/03/2009 16:15

Sound like you have been having it tough for awhile now then.

Try looking at this website...may help.
www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/

I am not depressed, but it has helped both me and my DH so maybe you would find something useful for yourself.

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